Think you can get into a top-10 school? Take our chance-me calculator... if you dare. đ„
Last updated July 17, 2024
Every piece we write is researched and vetted by a former admissions officer. Read about our mission to pull back the admissions curtain.
Blog > Common App , Essay Examples , Personal Statement > 16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)
![](http://writinghelp.online/777/templates/cheerup/res/banner1.gif)
16 Amazing Personal Statement Examples (2024 Update)
Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University
Written by Kylie Kistner, MA Former Willamette University Admissions
Key Takeaway
Whatâs that old saying? âThe best way to learn is by doing.â Well, we believe that, in personal statements and in life, cliches like this should be avoided. That's why we recommend reading some example essays before you start writing your own.
Letâs kick things off with the first example to get your wheels turning.
Personal Statement Example #1: Reinvention
For our first example, which weâve titled âReinvention,â weâre going to watch Alex break the essay down paragraph by paragraph. This oneâs really good. Letâs take a look.
As Alex explains, this essay takes a couple of (very beautiful!) paragraphs to get to its central message: reinvention. Once we reach that turning point, the writer seamlessly introduces us to their engineering interests, then returns again to their motherâs influence. The metaphor of âwatermelon rindsâ ties everything together. The writer comes across as a clever, thoughtful personâone we would surely want on our campus.
(Want to see more video examples and get personalized application and essay help? Letâs work together. )
Now, before we get into our next examples, we should quickly talk about what admissions officers look for in personal statements in the first place.
What does an admissions officer look for in a personal statement?
Before we get to the essays, letâs briefly walk through what goes through an admissions officerâs head when they open an application.
Admissions officers (AOs) read hundreds to thousands of applications in a single year. Different institutions require admissions officers to use different criteria when evaluating applications, so the specifics will vary by school. Your entire application should cohere to form a seamless narrative . You'll be crafting that narrative across the following categories:
- Transcripts and course rigor : AOs look at the classes youâve taken to assess how much youâve challenged yourself based on the classes your school offers. Theyâre also looking at how well you've done in these classes each term.
- Extracurricular activities : When reading through your activities list, AOs look at the activities youâve done, how many years youâve participated in them, and how many hours a week you devote to them. Theyâre assessing your activities for the levels of magnitude, impact, and reach that they demonstrate. (Want to know more about these terms? Check out our extracurricular impact post .)
- Background information : This background information briefly tells admissions officers about demographic and family information, your school context, and any honors or awards youâve received.
- Letters of recommendation : Letters of recommendation give AOs insight into who you are in the classroom.
- Essays : And, finally, the essays. Whether youâre writing a personal statement or a supplemental essay , essays are the main place AOs get to hear your voice and learn more about you. Your personal statement in particular is the place where you get to lay out your overall application narrative and say something meaningful about your personal strengths.
So, with all that in mind, what does an admissions officer actually look for when reading your personal statement?
A few traits tend to surface across the best personal statements, no matter the topic or format. There are four primary areas you should focus on as you craft your personal statement.
- Strengths : AOs want to know about your strengths. That doesnât mean bragging about your accomplishments, but it does mean writing about a topic that lets you showcase something positive about yourself.
- Personal meaning : Personal statements shouldnât be fluff. They shouldnât be history essays. They should be personal essays that ooze meaning. The topic you choose should show something significant about yourself that the admissions officers wonât get from any other part of your application.
- Authenticity and vulnerability : These characteristics can be the most difficult to achieve. Being âvulnerableâ doesnât mean airing all your dirty laundry. It means revealing something authentic and meaningful about who you are. To be vulnerable means to go beyond the surface level to put yourself out there, even to admissions officers who youâve never met.
- Clear organization and writing : And lastly, admissions officers also want your essay to be organized clearly so itâs easy to follow along. Remember that admissions officers are reading lots of applications, even in one sitting. So you want to make your readerâs job as easy as possible. Thoughtful and skillful writing can also help take your personal statement to the next level.
If you want to know more about how to incorporate these traits into your own essay, we have a whole guide about how to write the perfect personal statement .
But for now, letâs get into the examples.
Weâve broken up the example personal statements into three categories: best personal statement examples, good personal statement examples, and âbadâ personal statement examples. These categories show you that there is a spectrum of what personal statements can look like. The best examples are the gold standard. They meet or exceed all four of the main criteria admissions officers are looking for. The good examples are just that: good. Theyâre solid examples that may be lacking in a specific area but are still effective personal statements. The âbadâ examples are those that donât yet stack up to the expectations of a personal statement. Theyâre not objectively bad, but they need some specific improvements to align with what admissions officers are looking for.
Here we go!
The Best Personal Statement Examples
Writing an exceptional personal statement takes a lot of time and effort. Even the best writers can find the genre challenging. But when you strike the perfect chord and get it right, itâs almost like magic. Your essay jumps off the page and captures an admissions officerâs attention. They feel like youâre right there with them, telling them everything they need to know to vote âyesâ on your admission.
The following essays are some of our favorites. They cover a range of topics, styles, and student backgrounds. But they all tell meaningful stories about the writersâ lives. They are well-organized, use vivid language, and speak to the writersâ strengths.
For each essay, our team of former admissions officers have offered comments about what makes the essay exceptional. Take a look through the annotations and feedback to see what lessons you can apply to your own personal statement.
Personal Statement Example #2: Thankful
My family has always been broke. Saturday mornings and Thursday evenings, always the same drill: the kids (my brothers and me) would be loaded in the car with my parents and off weâd all go to the food pantry. New clothes were few and far between, and going on vacation was something that we could only dream of. Despite our financial struggles, one year, my parents decided to surprise us with a trip to Disney Land. It was a complete shock to me and my siblings. We were over the moon. In fact, the screams of excitement that emanated from my younger brotherâs mouth still ring in my ears.
But as the trip drew close, my excitement tempered and I began to worry. Being poor when youâre young doesnât just affect you materially. It also affects how you see the world and loads you up with a whole range of anxieties that, in an ideal world, no child should have to face. How were my parents going to afford this, I wondered? Would an expense like this push us over the brink?(( The beginning of this essay, and especially this sentence, show the writerâs empathy. They are not selfish; they understand their broader family context and take that into consideration.)) I didn't want to ruin the surprise by asking, but I couldn't shake the feeling of dread building inside of me.
The day of our trip arrived and we set off for the airport. In the car, my dad made an off-the-cuff comment about a new video game that heâd wanted to play but didnât buy, and everything clickedâmy parents had made the trip possible by saving for months, cutting back on expenses and sacrificing their own comforts to make the trip happen.
As we boarded the plane, I was filled with a mix of emotions. I was grateful beyond words for my parents' sacrifice, but I was also overwhelmed by the guilt of knowing that they had given up so much for us. I didn't know how to express my gratitude; when we deplaned in LAX, I gave my mom and dad a rib-crushing hug.
The trip itself was everything that I had dreamed of and more. We spent four magical days at Disney Land(( Nice use of vivid details here. The reader can picture the sights and smells of Disneyâand the ensuing hunger when passing a churro stand.)) , speed running the roller coasters and campy boat rides from the 70s. Sure, we packed our own food and walked right by the churro stands with a hungry look in our eyes. But I will never forget the feeling of unmitigated joy that my family shared on that trip, the smiles that painted my parentsâ faces.
But the trip itself was nothing compared to the gratitude I felt for my parents(( Here, the writer transitions to reintroducing the theme of gratitude.)) . They had given us the gift of a lifetime, and I knew that I would never be able to repay them for their sacrifice.
In the years since that trip, I have carried that feeling of gratitude with me. It has motivated me to work hard and to always strive to be the best person that I can be. I want to make my parents proud and to show them that their sacrifice was worth it(( Finally, the writer sums things up with an eye to the future. Itâs helpful for an admission officer to picture what the essayâs lessons might mean for the student as a future community member.)) .
I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for what my parents did for us, but I will always remember their selflessness and their willingness to put their own needs aside for the sake of our happiness. It was a truly surprising and incredible act of love, and one that I will always be thankful for.
AO Notes on Thankful
This essay accomplishes a few things even though it essentially tells one story and offers a quick reflection. It gives some important context regarding the challenges of being from a lower-income family. It does that in a way that is authentic, rather than problem-focused. It also shows that the writer is empathetic, family-oriented, and reflective.
Why this essay stands out:
- Vulnerability : This essay is upfront about a challenging topic: financial insecurity. While you donât have to tell your most difficult challenge in an essay, this writer chose to write about a circumstance that gives additional context that may be helpful as admissions considers their application.
- Personal : The writer gets into some family dynamics and paints a picture of how their family treats and takes care of each other.
- Values: We clearly see some values the writer has and that they donât take their parentsâ sacrifices for granted. As an admission officer, I can picture this student using their education to give backâto their family or to others.
Personal Statement Example #3: Pickleball
Iâve always been one to have a good attitude no matter the circumstances. Except when it comes to exercise. From dodgeball in PE class to family Turkey Trots, Iâm always the first one out and the last one across the finish line. These realities arenât from a lack of skillâIâm actually quite coordinated and fast. They are from a lack of effort(( This is a quick hit of⊠either humor or vulnerability. I chuckled at the blunt honesty, and am intrigued to learn more.)) . Despite my best intentions, I can never get myself to care about sports or competitions. So when my dad first asked me to be his pickleball partner last summer, I did nothing but laugh.
But soon, I realized that he was serious. My dad started playing pickleball two years ago as a fun way to exercise. Heâd become a star in our cityâs recreation league, and I always enjoyed cheering him on from the sidelines. When his doubles partner got relocated for work, my dad decided that the disruption was a good opportunity for us bond through pickleball. Even though I was mortified by the thought of running back and forth to hit a bouncing ball, I reluctantly agreed.
The next Saturday morning, we went to the court for our first practice. I was wearing sweatpants, an old sweatshirt, and a grimace. My dad showed me how to hold the paddle, serve, and return the ball to our opponents. He told me about staying out of the kitchenâan endearing pickleball term that references the âkitchen,â or the middle part of the courtâtrying to make me laugh. Instead, I sighed impatiently and walked to my end of the court, ready to get it over with.
My dad remained patient in spite of my bad attitude. He gently served me the ball, and I gave a lackluster attempt to return it. The ball bounced into the net. I hadnât even made it to his side of the court. Trying his best to encourage me, my dad gave me the ball so I could serve it to him instead. I tossed the ball up and hit it underhand toward my dad. It hit the net again. I tried again and again, each attempt with less care than the last. I grew frustrated and threw my paddle down in anger(( Okay, this paragraph gives a good dose of openness to the emotions of the writer. Theyâve served up an opportunity to learn a lesson soonâŠ)) .
After seeing my mini-meltdown, my dad crossed the kitchen to talk to me. During our conversation, I began to ask myself why I got so frustrated when I wasnât trying very hard in the first place. I thought pickleball was a miserable sport, but I realized that it wasnât pickleball that I cared about. I cared about my dad. I wanted to make him proud(( Ah, and there it is! A realization. As the admission officer Iâm thinking, âGo onâŠâ)) . Playing pickleball with him was the least I could do to thank him for everything heâd done for me. I dusted off my bad attitude alongside my paddle, and I got up to try another serve.
That serve hit the net again. But more determined now, I kept trying until my serves went over the net and through my dadâs weak side. I couldnât believe it. My attitude adjustment helped me see the game for what it was: a game. It wasnât supposed to be agonizing or cruel. It was supposed to be fun.
I learned that my attitude towards sports was unacceptable. This experience taught me that itâs okay to have preferences about what you enjoy, but itâs important to always maintain a positive attitude(( And the lesson learned! )) . You may just enjoy it after all.
Now my dad and I are both stars in our recreation league. Soon, we will make our way to our leagueâs semi-finals. Weâve worked our way through the bracket and are close to the championship. What I appreciate more about this experience, however, is how close itâs brought my dad and I together. His patience, positivity, and persistence have and will always inspire me. I want to be more like him every day, especially on the pickleball court.
AO Notes on Pickleball
This is a strong âattitude adjustmentâ essay, a bit of a remix of a challenge essay. The challenge, in this case, was a fixed mindset about sports that needed to be adjusted. The writer takes us on a witty journey through their own attitude towards organized athletic activities and their father.
- Self-aware : Similar to the vulnerability of other essays, this writer is willing to criticize themselves by recognizing that they need an attitude adjustment. Even before they changed their attitude, we get the sense that they are at least aware of their own lack of effort.
- Strong conclusion : We see a nice lesson at the end that relates both to having an open mind and caring for others. They even make a point about simply enjoying things because they are fun.
- Life lesson : Beyond the stated lesson, as an admission officer with a few more years on this Earth than the writer, I can tell this lesson will apply beyond sports. In fact, I can easily picture this student trying a new class, club, or group of friends in college because they are now more open to novel experiences.
Personal Statement Example #4: The Bird Watcher
Iâm an avid walker and bird watcher(( Okay, the writer gets right into it! I think this simple introduction of the topic works well because they are writing about a less common hobby among teenagers. If they had said âI am an avid baseball playerâ, I would have been less eager to learn more.)) . Growing up, Iâd clear my head by walking along the trail in the woods behind my house. By the time I was immersed in the chaos of high school, these walks became an afternoon routine. Now, every day at three oâclock, I don my jacket and hiking shoes and set off. As I walk, I note the flora and fauna around me. The wind whispering through the trees, the quiet rustling of a chipmunk underfoot, and the high-pitched call of robins perched atop branches, all of it brings me back to life after a difficult day.
And recently, the days have been more difficult than not. My grandparents passing, parents divorcing, and doctor diagnosing me with ADHD have presented me with more challenges than Iâve ever experienced before. But no matter whatâs going on in my life, the wildlife on my walks brings me peace. As an aspiring ornithologist, the birds are my favorite(( This paragraph accomplishes a lot: a montage of difficult circumstances, context for their application, and declares their future career.)) .
I became interested in ornithology during long childhood afternoons spent at my grandparentsâ house. They would watch me while my parents finished up work. Iâd listen to the old bird clock that hung on the wall in the kitchen. Each number on the clock corresponded with a different bird. Every hour, the clock would chirp rather than chime. When the cardinal sang, I knew my parents would be arriving soon. Those chirps are all seared into my memory.
Twelve oâclock: robin. The short, fast, almost laugh-like sound of the robin always makes me hungry. All those Saturday afternoons filled with laughter and good food have resulted in a Pavlovian response. Iâd cook meatballs with my grandma, splashing sauce on her floral wall paper. Weâd laugh and laugh and enjoy the meal together at her plastic-covered kitchen table. This wasnât my home, but I felt at home just the same.
Three oâclock: blue jay. Itâd chime as soon as we walked in the door after school. The blue jay was my grandpaâs favorite. It was also mine. Why he loved it, Iâm not completely sure. But it was my favorite because it marked the beginning of the best parts of my day. Symbolizing strength and confidence, blue jays always remind me of my grandpa.
Six oâclock: cardinal. The sharp whistle and staccato of the cardinal indicated that it was almost time for me to leave. Like the whistle of a closing shift, Iâd hear it and start to pack my things. The cardinal has always been my least favorite.
Nine oâclock: house finch. The high, sweet, almost inquisitive call of the house finch was the one my grandma loved most. It was also the one I rarely heard. Either too early or too late in the day, the house finch was reserved for the occasional weekends when Iâd spend the night at their house. My grandma would explain that finches symbolize harmony and peace. They are petite but mighty, just like she was(( This is a clever and sweet way of describing summer days with grandparents, while sprinkling in some vivid details to bring the story to life.)) .
This past weekend was the anniversary of my grandpaâs passing. Longing for my grandparents, I went for a walk. Winter is approaching, so the sky was darkening quickly. I walked slowly. As the sun set, I heard the tell-tale squawk of a blue jay, loud and piercing through the chill of the wind. I looked around and saw it sitting on an old stump, a small house finch behind it. I extracted my binoculars from my backpack, hoping to get a better glimpse through the dark. I turned the dial to focus the lenses, just as the birds flew away together. I took a deep breath, binoculars in hand, and continued on, spotting a robin in the distance(( The ending stylistically wraps the essay up without tying a bow on it. Itâs a more artful way of concluding, and it works well here.)) .
AO Notes on Birdwatcher
This first two paragraphs are well-written and fairly to-the-point in their language. They do a nice job of setting the scene, but the third paragraph transitions into the writerâs distinctive voice. They detail the birds on the clock to chronicle the hours of their summer days and end, not without concluding, but leaving the reader wanting to read more of their stories.
- Voice: The writer transitions to writing in their own distinct voice, which comes to a crescendo in the final paragraph.
- Interesting approach: Sometimes students use an approach to tell a story that feels overly forced or cliche. This one feels organic and relates nicely to the writer, their family, and the story as a whole.
- Career path : This is far from a âWhat I want to be when I grow upâ essay, but it clearly shows an academic interest grounded in family and childhood memories. This is an artistic and beautiful approach to showing admissions how the writer may use their college education.
Personal Statement Example #5: Chekovâs Wig
At the age of six, I starred in an at-home, one-woman production of Annie. My family watched as I switched between a wig Iâd fashioned from maroon yarn, a dogâs tail leftover from Halloween, and a tie Iâd stolen from my dad.
When the reveal came that Annieâs parents had actually passed away, I took a creative liberty: they had left Annie a small unicorn farm. The rest of the play proceeded as normal. When the curtain closed, I bowed to the sound of my familyâs applause. But one set of hands was missing: my grandmotherâs. Instead she sat, arms raised, and jokingly exclaimed, âBut what about the unicorns?â(( Wow, an interesting intro! We see creativity and a silly side to the writer. As the admission officer, Iâm eager to see where this leads.))
My grandma, an avid thespian, taught me a lot about life. But one of the most important lessons followed this production of Annie . After we laughed about her remark, she introduced me to the concept of Chekovâs gun. For Anton Chekov, brilliant playwright, the theory goes something like this: a writer shouldnât write about a loaded gun if itâs not going to be fired. In other words, writers shouldnât include details about something if it wonât serve a purpose in the story later. My unicorn farm had committed this writing faux pas egregiously.
Iâm not a natural writer, and I have no goal to become one, but Iâve taken this concept of Chekovâs gun to heartâit forms the foundation of my life philosophy. I donât believe that everything was meant to be(( This philosophical reflection is a nice introduction to the paragraphs that follow. )) . In fact, I think that sometimes bad things just happen. But I believe that these details will always play a part in our larger story.
The first test of my Chekovâs gun philosophy occurred shortly after Annie when my grandma, my biggest supporter, passed away. My family tried to console me saying that âit was her time to go,â but I disagreed. I couldnât see how a death could be destined. Instead, I found comfort knowing that her presence, her support, and her death wasnât for nothing. Like Chekovâs gun, I wasnât quite sure how or why, but I knew that she would return for me.
As I grew older, my philosophy was tested time and again. Most recently, I fell back on Chekovâs gun as I coped with my parentsâ divorce and my subsequent move to a new town. Both events shattered my world. My happy family theatre productions turned into custody hearings and overnight bags. The community Iâd found at my old school became a sea of unfamiliar faces at my new one. None of this was meant to be. But as the writer of my own life, I wonât let the details become inconsequential.
Iâve used these events as plot points in my high school experience. Dealing with my parentsâ divorce has taught me how to make the best of whatâs given to me. I got the chance to decorate two bedrooms, live in both the suburbs and the city, and even have twice the amount of pets. And without the inciting incident of the divorce and move(( We see that the writer is able to make lemonade out of lemons here.)) , I never would have joined a new drama club or landed leading roles in Mama Mia and Twelfth Night. The divorce and move, like Chekovâs gun, have been crucial details in getting me where Iâm at today.
I know that Chekovâs gun is more about the details in a story, but this philosophy empowers me to take what happens, the good and the bad, as part of my personal character development. Nothing would be happening if it werenât important.
This summer, as we cleaned our garage in preparation for yet another move, I found my old Annie wig, yarn tangled from the box. Next to the wig was a note, handwritten in a script Iâd recognize anywhere. My darling star, it read. You are going to go on to do great things. Love, Grandma ((And a sweet, or bittersweet, conclusion.)) .
AO Notes on Chekovâs Wig
This essay tells a beautiful story about a foundational philosophy in this young writerâs life. As their admission officer, I can see how grounded and positive they are. I can also imagine them taking this lesson to college: really paying attention to life, reflecting on the past, and understanding the value of even the smallest instances. There is an inherent maturity in this essay.
- Creativity: From the first few sentences, we can see that this student is now, and was as a child, creative. An original thinker.
- Reflective: When challenged by their grandmother, the writer didnât insist that their way was correct. They took the criticism in stride and absorbed it as a salient life lesson. This shows open-mindedness and an uncommon level of maturity.
- Silver linings: Itâs clear that this young writer has had some familial challenges that are likely familiar to some of you. They donât gloss over them, but instead they learn from them. From having more pets to starring in the school musicals, there are lessons to glean from even lifeâs more difficult challenges.
Personal Statement Example #6: An Afternoon with Grandmother
The Buddhist temple on the hillside above my home has always possessed a deep power for me. With its towering spires and intricate carvings thousands of years old, it is a place of peace and serenity(( This writer opens with some wonderful imagery. I like how the imagery mirrors the meaning.)) âsomewhere I can go to escape the chaos of the world and connect with myself and with my sense of spirituality. When my grandmother called me one January to let me know that she would be coming to visit, I smiled, my mind darting immediately to the temple and to the visit of it we would take together.
My relationship with my grandmother is a special one. After my parents passed away, she and my grandfather raised me for three years before I moved in with my fatherâs sister. In that time, she was my sole companion; she shared her recipes with me, told me stories, and most importantly, she taught me everything I know about spirituality. We spent countless nights staying up past bed-time, talking about the teachings of the Buddha, and she encouraged me gently to explore my own path to enlightenment(( This topic is accomplishing a lot: we see the writerâs relationship with their grandmother, their personal values, and their ideas about who they want to be in the future.)) .
When my grandmother finally arrived, I felt bathed in a warm glow. After catching up and preparing her favorite mealâred rice with miso soup and hot green teaâI told her about the plans I had for us to visit my special place.
Later that afternoon, as we entered the temple, I felt the calmness and tranquility wash over me. I took my grandmother's hand and led her to the main hall, where we knelt before the altar and began to recite the prayers and mantras that I had learned from her years before.
As we prayed, our voices joined together, echoing throughout the temple. A gentle rain began to fall outside and, as the cold crept around where we knelt, I was engulfed by a deep sense of connection with my grandmother and with the universe. It was as if the barriers between us were falling away, and we were becoming oneâwith each other, and with our shared connection to the divine.
We finished our prayers and sat in silence, lingering in the serenity of the temple. I could feel my grandmother's hand in mine, and I was filled with a sense of gratitude and love(( A great example of weaving vivid language with explicit reflection!)) .
Spirituality has been essential in my life. It gives me a sense of grounding and purpose, and it teaches me the value of compassion. My spirituality has also given me a way to connect with my grandmother on a deeper levelâlike a private language that only we speak together. In a world that can often feel chaotic and disconnected, faith and spirituality provide a sense of stability and connection.
As we left the temple, I held my grandmother's hand and felt suffused by a sense of peace and contentment. Too often people who are disconnected from spirituality misunderstand the role it plays in billions of peopleâs lives. They see it as a way to âcheck outâ from the issues the world faces, ignoring their responsibilities to others. This may be true for others, but not me. Quite the opposite. My spirituality helps me empathize with others(( Wonderful reflection.)) ; it helps me focus on the obligations we each have to every other person and creature on this planet. For me, it is the ultimate way to âcheck inâ to the needs of the world and my community in a way that grounds me emotionally.
Spirituality offers a way to find meaning and purpose in life, and to connect with something greater than ourselves. For that, and for my grandmother, I am truly grateful.
AO Notes on An Afternoon with Grandmother
In this deeply reflective essay, the writer uses spirituality and their relationship with their grandmother to reveal a very personal part of themselves. The writer isnât afraid to be vulnerable, and they clearly showcase strengths of wisdom and compassion.
- Vivid language: This author is a talented writer who has included a bunch of vivid language. But itâs not over the top. They include just enough to hold a readerâs attention and add some interest.
- Reflection: The reflection throughout this essay is excellent. Notice how itâs not just at the beginning or the end. Itâs woven throughout. The writer follows up each major detail with an explanation of why itâs personally meaningful.
- Conclusion: The conclusion combines vivid language and reflection perfectly. By the end of the essay, we know exactly what the writer wants us to take away: spirituality is personally meaningful to them because it helps them connect with the people around them. And I especially like how the writer chose to end on a note of gratitudeâalways a good value to have in a personal statement.
Personal Statement Example #7: Rosieâs
While most people find their lowest point at rock bottom, I found mine in an Amerikooler DW081677F-8(( Weâre definitely off to an odd start. Iâm curious where this is headed!)) . With drops rolling down my back and my cheeks, I snuck into the walk-in freezer for a moment of chill.
At that point, I had worked at Rosie's for nearly a year. The job was a good one: it fit with my school schedule, paid well, and introduced me to close friends. But as a workplace, Rosieâs was pure chaos. The original owners passed on a host of problems the new owners were working hard to fix. But the problems ran deep. From an inefficient kitchen organization to a malfunctioning scheduling software, we never knew what to do or when.
The day I found myself in the Amerikooler was the day everything caught up with us(( This is a good transitional phrase that helps readers navigate this fairly complex narrative.)) . An error in our scheduling software led to us operating with only 30% of our typical team. As the only waitress on duty, I ran between the kitchen and the guests, stopping mid-delivery to put new vegetables in the steamers. The kitchen staff were barely getting through each dish before customers lost patience.
Then, in all the commotion, I dropped a plate of macaroni and cheese all over a customer. I apologized over and over again. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I couldnât believe what I had done. I always tried to be one step ahead to give my customers the best service, so my mistake felt like an utter failure. After helping them clean up, I ran immediately to the freezer. I realized that something had to change.
In the Amerikooler, a pea and corn mix cool on my back, I considered my options. The easiest option was to quit. I could find another job, one that didnât cause me so much stress. But quitting wouldnât just mean giving up. It would mean accepting my failure. It would also mean abandoning the coworkers I had grown close to. Leaving them would only burden them more. While I knew it wasnât my job to fix the restaurant, I knew that leaving wasnât the answer either. Instead, I decided to focus on solutions(( I like the focus on solutions and action steps here!)) . I stood up from the cold, dirty freezer floor, dusted off my work pants, washed my hands, and got back to work.
Despite being the newest and youngest member of the Rosieâs staff, I recognized that I brought a new perspective to the workplace. Having spent the previous three summers scheduling volunteers for my local food drive, I used my organizing experience to devise a new scheduling system, one that didnât rely on our outdated technology. I brought up the system at our weekly meeting, and after initial pushback, everyone agreed to give it a try. Three months later, my system keeps everyone happy and our kitchen and floor staffed.
But it wasnât just the staffing problem that was the issue. Our workflows were inefficient, and we didnât know how to communicate or collaborate effectively. I know that identifying an issue is always the first step to a solution, so I raised the question at our most recent staff meeting. Having earned my coworkersâ and bossesâ trust(( And here we see some good growth and leadership.)) , I led us in outlining a few new processes to streamline our productivity. In stark contrast to the failure I felt after spilling the macaroni and cheese, developing a new workflow with my coworkers made me proud. I hadnât given in to the chaos, but I had worked thoughtfully and collaboratively to create new solutions.
Iâm sure that wonât be my last time working in a disorganized environment or spilling macaroni and cheese. But I know that Iâll be ready to address whatever comes my way.
AO Notes on Rosieâs
If youâve ever worked in a food establishment, then something in this essay will probably resonate with you. But I appreciate how the writer doesnât get pulled into the negativity they experience. Instead, they focused their efforts (and their essay) on how they could make things better for everyone. Thatâs the kind of student admissions officers want to see on their campuses.
- Organization: The writer has to narrate and backtrack a bit at the beginning of the essay to make the introduction work. But itâs not confusing for a reader because they have very solid transitions. I also like how the action steps and reflection are organized in the narrative.
- Positive outlook: As an admissions officer, I would admire this student for their problem-solving skills. Working in that environment was surely tough, but they didnât give up. They got to work and helped everyone out in the process.
- Humor: From the introduction to the conclusion, the writer incorporates subtle humor throughout. Because of it, we actually feel like we know the writer by the conclusion. Too much humor can overwhelm a personal essay, but just enough can help readers see who the writer really is.
Personal Statement Example #8: Gone Fishing
I pulled the line with my left hand and snapped the rod back with my right. The line split through the air above me like a knife through cake. I rigidly waved my right arm up and down to dry off my fly, which had started sinking from the weight of the water. Ready to cast, I loosened the grip on my left hand to release a few more feet of line, pulled my right arm back in a grandiose motion, and hammered it back down. I expected my line to fly out in front of me, gracefully floating back onto the surface of the water. Instead, I was met with a startling resistance. My fly had lodged itself into the bush behind me(( This opening paragraph has great vivid description. Here, we end on a moment of suspense that has left me intrigued about what will happen next.)) .
Annoyed, I waded through the tall, thick grass, rod under my arm and mosquitoes buzzing in my ears. This was the reality of fly fishing. In my short time as a fisherman, Iâd caught far more trees, bushes, and riverweed than I had fish. What seems so elegant in movies like A River Runs Through It is actually a grueling process of trial and error. I took up flyfishing a year ago to conquer my fear of the outdoors(( Ah haâwe learn that this essay isnât really about fly fishing. Itâs about conquering a fear. And with that, we see that the stakes are high.)) . I could have (and probably should have) chosen a more mild activity like hiking or kayaking, but Iâve always been one to take on a challenge.
I had been afraid of the outdoors since childhood. Coming from a family that prefers libraries to parks and bed and breakfasts to tents, I never learned how to appreciate nature. I limited my time outside as much as I could. I feared the bugs, the sun, and the unknown.
I decided to try flyfishing when I realized I didnât want to be controlled by my fear any longer(( As an AO, I would applaud this studentâs bravery.)) . All the birthday parties Iâd turned down, the memories that were made without me, I had missed out on so much. Being outside was an integral part of the human experienceâor, at least, thatâs what Iâd been told. Without being willing to enjoy nature, I was missing out on what it meant to be myself.
Soon after this realization, I found an old rod in my grandpaâs garage and took it as a sign from the universe. On my first time out, my Honda Civic lurched over a ditch on the gravel road Google Maps had directed me to. Iâd spent hours watching YouTube videos of proper technique. Stepping out of my car, I felt my skin crack under the dry heat, and I wanted to leave. But I continued on, walking through branches and over logs to the riverbank. I was doing it( More vivid detail that really gives us a sense of the writerâs discomfortâyet theyâre persisting.)) .
I pushed myself to continue, no matter how uncomfortable I got. I went back, Saturday after Saturday, each time noticing improvements in my abilities. Along the way, I learned to push myself to do things that make me uncomfortable. I saw myself in a new light. I wasnât Charlie, afraid of the outdoors. I was Charlie, fisherman.
The first time I caught a fish, I could hardly believe it. Thinking I had caught another piece of riverweed, I tugged on my line and rolled my eyes. But suddenly, it started tugging back. It was a sensation Iâd never experienced before, one of haste, pride, and panic. I instantly collected myself, bracing against the bank as I secured the line with my finger and slowly pulled the fish ashore. Delicately removing my hook from its mouth, I admired its beauty. Whereas I had once feared creatures like this trout, I now respected it. Its holographic scales glistened in the sunlight. I thanked it for helping me grow, and I placed it back in the water. It swam away. I wiped the slime off my hands and picked up my rod, left hand tugging at the line, right hand snapping back again((This conclusion is quite long, but I really like this poetic ending. It shows so much growth, and thereâs a subtle nod to the fact that the writer is continuing to fish.)) .
AO Notes on Gone Fishing
From all this imagery, I really felt like I was fishing alongside them. Whatâs better, I feel like I really get where this student is coming from because of their vulnerability. They show immense growth and open-mindedness, which is exactly what admissions officers are looking for.
- Imagery: This writer definitely likes creative writing. From the introduction, we can envision ourselves going on this journey with the writer. There is some excellent âshow, donât tellâ here.
- Deep personal meaning: Biggest fears are hard to overcome, especially with such a good attitude. Itâs clear that this topic is a meaningful one to the writer. Even the act of fly fishing, which they didnât seem to like much at first, becomes a meaningful act.
- Narrative arc: We have a classic âgoing on a journeyâ essay, where the writer transforms on a journey from point A (being afraid of the outdoors) to point B (catching a fish). The writerâs implementation of this structure is excellent, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Good Personal Statement Examples
Even if your essay isnât worthy of The New Yorker , you can still make your mark on admissions officers. Writing an essay that fulfills all the goals of a personal statement, whether or not it meets every single criterion an admissions officer is looking for, can still get you into a great college.
Most personal statements are good personal statements, so donât worry if youâre feeling overwhelmed by the amazing essay examples you see online. The key to writing a good personal statement is writing your personal statement. Focus on finding a topic that lets you communicate your own meaning and voice, and youâll be set.
The following examples are awesome personal statements. There may be a little room for improvement in places, but the essays do exactly what they need to do. And they say a lot about their writers. Letâs see what the writers and admissions officers have to say.
Personal Statement Example #9: Beekeeperâs Club
As I lift the heavy lid of the hive, the hum of thousands of bees fills my ears. I carefully smoke the entrance to calm the bees, and I begin to inspect the frames. The bees are busy at work, collecting nectar and pollen, and tending to their young. I am in awe of their organization.
I never would have thought that I, a high school student, would become a beekeeper(( An interesting hobby for a high school student! Iâm intrigued to see where this is going.)) . But now itâs something I canât imagine my life without.
It all started when I found a beekeeping suit at a garage sale two summers ago. At a mere five dollars, it was yellowing and musty, but it appeared to be fully intact and without any holes. Iâve lived many lives as a hobbyist, always willing to try new things. Iâve been a sailor, a gardener, a basketball player, a harpist, a rock climber, and more. The problem is that I can never manage to see these hobbies through(( I see. Here we get a sense of whatâs at stake in this new venture. The problem is that writer canât seem to hold down a hobby. Will beekeeping solve that problem? Letâs find out .)) . As a perpetual novice, I always lose interest or become overwhelmed by all the information. But thatâs never stopped me from taking up a new hobby, so I brought the beekeeping suit to the make-shift register and handed the seller a five-dollar bill.
To embark on my new hobby, I first went to the library and read everything I could find about beekeeping. Research is always my first step when starting something new. I like to know what Iâm in for. As I read, I became fascinated by the fact that such small creatures can serve such a critical role on our planet. I learned about the importance of bees for pollinating crops, and I read that their populations have been declining in recent years. I was determined to do my part to help. This wasnât just a hobby anymoreâ it was a mission(( And the stakes just got higher.)) .
But like the bees Iâd been reading about, I knew I couldn't do it alone. My years of abandoning hobbies had taught me that this time, I needed guidance from someone with experience. I knew the first place to look. At the farmerâs market that Saturday, I went straight to the honey stand and introduced myself. The vendorâs name was Jeremy, and he was excited to see someone so young taking up beekeeping. I asked if I could come see his hives sometime, and he agreed.
I showed up the next weekend with my used beekeeping suit in hand. Jeremy gave me a tour. I was astounded by the simultaneous simplicity and complexity. As the months went by, Jeremy became my mentor. He taught me the importance of monitoring the health of the hive, how to properly harvest honey, and even the ins and outs of the farmerâs market business.
I was grateful for his guidance and friendship. I found myself becoming more and more passionate about bees and the art of beekeeping.
After months of tending to my hive, I finally had it up and running. These bees were in my care(( The writer has shown us that theyâve learned a big lesson from their past failures: they need support and guidance. Iâm impressed that this time they are making an intentional change.)) âthis was one hobby I couldnât abandon. With that knowledge and Jeremyâs support, one hive grew to five. Iâm not in it for the money or even the honey. Iâm in it for the bees, for the millimeter of difference Iâm making in their lives and in the life of the earth.
Through beekeeping, I have found a community of people who share my love for bees. Jeremy, the bees, and the entire beekeeping community have taught me not to quit. We support each other, share tips and advice, and work together to help protect these important insects. And in the process, I have learned that I can take up any new hobby I want and stick with it if I just put in enough effort(( Yepâthe writer has come out of this journey on the other side, having learned that their effort does pay off.)) .
AO Notes on Beekeeperâs Club
As an admissions officer, itâs always fun to read about studentsâ eccentric hobbies. Iâd count this as one of them. But whatâs better than learning about the hobby is seeing a studentâs personal growth.
What makes this essay good:
- Personal journey: Most good personal statements show some kind of personal growth. In this case, we see that the writer has grown mature and aware enough to hold down a hobby. We see that it wasnât an easy road, but they got there.
- Strengths: There are lots of strengths in this personal statement. We see self-awareness, initiative, teamwork, and care for the bees and the planet.
- Reflection: Part of what makes this personal journey so good is that the writer takes us on the journey with them through reflection. At each stage of the journey, we know exactly what the writer is thinking and feeling. By the end, weâre celebrating their success with them.
What the writer could do to level up:
- Personal meaning: Yep, âpersonal journeyâ and âpersonal meaningâ can be two separate things. Although the writer goes on a great personal journey, the personal meaning seems to be lacking a bit. Itâs clear that this is an important topic to the writer, but it doesnât exactly come across as an especially vulnerable one. The writer could make it more vulnerable by incorporating more personal meaning into their reflection: what would it have meant if they had quit beekeeping too? Whatâs the problem with dropping hobbies in the first place? Why is it personally important to learn to stick with things?
Personal Statement Example #10: Ann
Pushing her blonde curls from her forehead, she pursed her lips in focus(( This vivid, detailed description really draws me in.)) . She sat with legs crossed across the kitchen chair. This was it: the moment sheâd been preparing for. Her tiny hand gripped the pencil as if it were a stick of dynamite and twitched her fingers up, down, and back again. She looked up at me and smiled, teeth too big for her growing mouth. âAnn,â the paper read. As I glowed back at my mini-me, I saw in her my whole heart(( And here the focus switches from Ann to the writerâan important transition.)) .
My sister was technically an accident, born when I was eleven years old. But I know that, in the grand scheme of things, Annâs existence was destined by the cosmos. Watching her write was like looking in a mirror. My hair has long since turned brown, but she and I deal with the same unmanageable curls. Her toothy grin developed over five years of mutual laughter. And she got that unwavering focus from watching me do my own homework each night. At the same time Iâve taught her the ways of the world, sheâs taught me joy, patience, and persistence(( Lessons learned! This sentence really draws attention to the main theme. It could be a little more specific because âjoy, patience, and persistenceâ are almost cliche.)) .
I had been an only child for my first decade of life. I remember being lonely and without purpose. With Ann came the opportunity to make a real impact on someone, even as a child myself. The night she was born, I vowed to protect her. I had never seen anyone so small and fragile, and I begged my parents to let me hold her. Next to mine, her hand looked like a dollâs. It was purple and pink from the ordeal of birth. Her eyes barely opened, but I couldnât keep mine off her.
Many older siblings find their younger siblings to be nuisances. But Ann has always been my best friend. Her first two years of life, she struggled with health issues that scared us all. I felt helpless and afraid, but I knew I had to fight alongside her. I did everything I could: I grabbed diapers and bottles for my parents, I talked to her for hours on end, and, when she was old enough, I spoon fed her and encouraged her to eat. As Ann grew bigger and stronger, I grew stronger, too(( It sounds like this was a really difficult challenge for the writer and their family. I appreciate this picture we get of the writer in relation to Ann.)) .
Each year has gotten better than the previous. I was there to catch Ann when she took her first steps, teach her her first words, and get her dressed every day. She tagged behind me as I took photos before my first dance, got my learnerâs permit, and went on my college tours. While being a teen with a toddler sibling wasnât always perfect, Annâs mere presence makes those around her feel loved and appreciated. Sheâs exactly who I aspire to be.
Watching her write her name at the kitchen table, I became overwhelmed with the thought of leaving her to head off to college. She still has so much to learn, so many ways to grow. But just as the thought entered my mind, she spoke in her high-pitched and innocent voice. âWhen you go to college,â she asked, âwill you tell me about your classes?â I blinked away the tears gathering in my eyes, smoothed her curls with my hand, and pulled her in close.
Going to college wonât mean leaving Ann. It will mean opening her worldâand mineâto endless new knowledge and possibilities. Sheâll grow and change, and so will I. When we reunite, weâll smile our toothy smiles and embrace each other, our curly hair intertwining. Weâll sit at the kitchen table, focused and laughing, like nothing has changed(( I like how the siblings are continuing to grow together, but at the end of the day, they still have their amazing relationship.)) .
AO Notes on Ann
I always find sibling essays like this one so sweet. Itâs amazing how clearly we can understand someone solely through their interactions with a loved one. As an admissions officer, I would see that this student would be a great community member (and roommate!).
- Deeply meaningful: Especially with the family context, itâs apparent that this topic is deeply meaningful to the writer. Because itâs so meaningful a topic, the writer is able to show an immense amount of care for Ann without even trying. AOs love seeing traits like care, maturity, and the ability to grow.
- Clear message: Personal statements should have themes that encompass the main message the writer wants to convey. This essayâs message is clear as day: the writer is a better, happier, more generous person because of Ann. They are an awesome sibling.
- More about the self: This oneâs tricky because we get an implicit sense of who the writer is now through the overall tone and meaning. But a lot of the personal examples the writer chose are old examples from childhood and early adolescence. Some of those are important to provide family context, but I still would have liked to get a more recent picture of the writer.
Personal Statement Example #11: Running through My Neighborhood
My mind and eyes began to wander as I turned the corner on my fourth mile. Iâve always been a runner. It's a way for me to relax and challenge myself. Running makes me feel like Iâm one with the world around me. As I run, I can't help but be struck by the beauty of the buildings and people that make up my city. Each is a work of artâa carefully-crafted expression of my community. With every step, I feel a deep connection to the life around me(( This introduction covers a lot, so this last sentence could be a bit more specific.)) .
On my run, I find myself drawn to the intricate details of the buildings. I admire the way the light catches on centuries-old bricks, casting shadows that dance across the pavement below. I look up at the skyscraper windows that nearly touch the sky, frightened at the sight of window washers. Old and new, the buildings all carry stories.
In the same way, I admire the neighbors around me. I see them feeding pigeons, smiling at me as I pass by. Theyâre walking dogs and babies, talking on a park bench, and playing hopscotch. I run by them, fast but steady, and breathe it all in. Iâm on this beautiful city block, surrounded by people whose whole lives are familiar yet mysterious, and Iâm running.
But it's not just the aesthetic beauty of the buildings that grabs my attention. As I run, I find myself thinking about the stories and histories behind each one. I wonder about the people who built them, the families they had at home, the lives they led. I think about the people who have lived and worked in these buildings and the memories that have been made within their walls.
Take the local bakery, for instance. Iâve run by there a thousand times in my life, each time soaking up the smell of freshly-baked bread and pastries. The building seems unassuming at first, with a simple glass door and brick façade. But once you step foot inside, youâre immediately hit with the warmth of the staff and patrons. The old photos on the wall and cozy furniture that has been there since the bakeryâs opening back in the 1950sâit feels like home(( These are great vivid details.)) . The bakery is everything I value about my neighborhood. It completely represents what kind of neighbor I want to be. Plus, itâs not a bad place for a post-run snack.
Through my runs, Iâve also made connections with those who frequent the sidewalks alongside me. One of the people I see regularly on my runs is Mrs. Carter, an elderly woman who always has a kind word and a smile for everyone she meets. Her white hair is carefully curled, and her face is dimpled with laugh lines from thousands of conversations like ours. She often stops to chat with me, asking how my day is going and sharing stories from her own life. I always look forward to seeing her. Sheâs like the grandmother I never had. Mrs. Carter inspires me to be a better community member every day(( This kind of reflection brings the focus back to the writerâs personal journey.)) .
Running through my neighborhood is about more than just staying fit. Itâs also about being in community with those around me. As I weave through the people on the sidewalk, I feel as though I am weaving myself through their stories, picking up tidbits and adding them to my own narrative. I wouldnât be who I am today without these runs that have taught me so much. I canât wait to run across my college campus, admiring my new surroundings and meeting my new neighbors(( I like this gesture to the futureâas an AO, I would start to picture this student running through my campus, too!)) .
AO Notes on Running through My Neighborhood
Running essays can get a bad rap in college admissions. But this one overcomes that stereotype. At its core, this essay is about the runnerâs relationship to their community. I really appreciate how much care and enthusiasm this writer shows for those around them.
- Writing: The writerâs voice shines through. They have great vivid descriptions, and weâre really able to envision ourselves in the neighborhood alongside them.
- Personal meaning: The way the writer describes those they encounter in their neighborhood shows that this isnât a minor part of their life. Their runs are a big deal. The people they see along the way have greatly shaped who they are.
- Greater focus on self: Now, there are much worse culprits when it comes to personal essays that focus on people other than the writer. But the writer does toe the line. Their descriptions mostly focus on those around them, and while there is some reflection that connects their own experience to other people, it doesnât actually take up much space in the essay. To level up, the writer could make this essay more about themself.
Personal Statement Example #12: Musical Installation Art
As a child, I was always drawn to stringed instruments(( The hook could have more punch, but this gets the job done.)) . I would pluck at my dad's old guitars, create makeshift harps with dental floss, and even play around with the banjo and harp in music class. As I got older, I realized that I wanted to focus on making my own instruments. And where better to start than in my dad's scrapyard? The yard sprawled out for almost five acres behind our house. It was a marvel of junk and oddities, with the accumulated garbage from hundreds of junker cars built up in our backyard. I grew up playing there, leading a childhood that most parents would probably see as recklessârolling tires through narrow alleyways between crushed cars stacked high. But for me, the backyard was an endless playground for my imagination.
It was there that I discovered the joys of welding and soldering. I would rummage through piles of metal and find pieces that I could fashion into something new. My first sculptures were simple, resembling birds or dogs and pieced together from strips of metal. Iâd look for similar art everywhere I went, grasping for inspiration. At a fair one weekend, I saw a booth run by an artist who built guitars. After speaking with him about his art, he asked to see a picture of my sculptures. I showed him and explained that I hoped to make my own instruments one day, too. He scuttled to the back of his tent and returned with a gift: a set of thick copper strings. âTry using those,â(( What an endearing story.)) he told me.
My first sculpture instrument was a crude thingâlittle more than a board of metal with pegs that I used to pull the copper strings tight. But I tightened them, I was in loveâspending all night plucking away. At first, the instrument wailed and screeched. String by string, I delicately tuned the wires into sirens. I had created something that played music, and I was so proud.
My experience building the instrument motivated me to enroll in a sculpture class at the local community college. It was there that I learned how to properly solder metal and create more complex structures. For my final project, I made a three-foot-tall, four-stringed metal instrument in the shape of a dragon.
But as I worked, I started to realize that my dragon wasn't going to be beautiful in the traditional sense. Its metal body was jagged and uneven, and the strings were stretched tight across its back in a way that produced discordant, almost abrasive music. I tried to adjust the tuning, but no matter what I did, the music remained harsh and unpleasant.
At first, I was disappointed. I wanted my dragon to be a work of art, something that people would marvel at and love listening to. But as I continued to play with it, I started to see the beauty in the chaos(( This paragraph shows wonderful growth. And as a reader, Iâm drawn in trying to imagine what the sculpture actually looks like.)) . The music it produced was like a musical language that I had invented, one that was wild and untamed. It was a reflection of my own creativity and individuality. A discordant collection of notes that sounded like theyâd been tuned so as to be atonal. But I didn't care. I was a scrapyard kid, and this dragon played the song of my people: strong, innovative, and beautiful.
The combination of sculpture and music fascinates me. How does the shape of a fabrication affect the kind of sound that the object produces? What sounds do different materials produce? As Iâve learned more about sculpture, Iâve also become interested in installation art that has sound dimensions. I want to capture peopleâs visual and aural attention to inspire questions about how we navigate the aesthetic world(( It sounds like this topic potentially relates to the studentâs future goals. If thatâs true, there could be a clearer academic connection here.)) . And Iâll use whatever scraps I can find to make my creations.
AO Notes on Musical Installation Art
I donât think Iâve ever seen a piece of musical installation art myself, so this topic really held my attention. I appreciate the journey the writer went on to learn that their art may not look like everyone elseâs, but it can be just as impactful.
- Topic: I like this topic not only because itâs not one you see every day but also because it lets the writer reveal a lot about themself and their background. We see where they grew up and who they grew up with, and we also learn about this deeply meaningful personal interest.
- Writing style: This author has a very distinct writing style. In some ways, the writing style mirrors their art styleâabrupt at times, melodic at others.
- Organization: The first half of this essay doesnât always match up with the second half. Even though weâre still able to see the writerâs journey as a metal artist and musician, thereâs still a bit of streamlining that needs to happen.
Personal Statement Example #13: Ski Patrol
I can never get enough of being in the mountains(( This hook isnât very compelling, so it could use some more attention.)) . I am a skier through and through. Growing up, I spent countless family vacations on the slopes with my dad and siblings. I love the rush I get speeding down the mountainâIâve improved so much over my life that I can now handle most runs I come across. But last year, I took my love for skiing to a whole other level by joining ski patrol.
It was mid-December, and my family had decided to take a weekend away to go skiing. Everything was going normally at first. We had a good day on the slopes and wanted to go one more run before calling it a night. We took a moment to rest and watched the person in front of us go. Only seconds after she headed down the mountain, something happened with her ski. She catapulted into a nearby tree. People raced to check on her, while we stayed back and alerted ski patrol.
When ski patrol arrived, I watched in amazement. They moved in such a precise way. They were like a machineâeveryone knew exactly what to do when. Thankfully, it was a false alarm and the skier only had a few scratches. But my own life was changed forever. I knew then that I wanted to be a part of this team, to help others in a tangible way and to make a difference on the mountain that had always been my home.
As soon as I could, I applied for the Junior Ski Patrol team. I had to go through a tryout process on the hill, which made me nervous. But it felt good to be surrounded by people who loved skiing as much as I do. Thankfully, I was accepted shortly after; it was one of the best days of my life. Now on Junior Ski Patrol, I have the opportunity to do what I love â skiing â while also making a positive impact on others(( And here we get to the heart of the essay. The writer wants to help others while doing something they love. Itâs a noble pursuit!)) . My team shadows the adult Ski Patrol, and we learn a lot of lessons along the way.
On the mountain (and in life), you never know what challenges might arise. One of the most important things Iâve learned from Junior Ski Patrol is to be prepared for anything. Iâve gotten my CPR and first aid certifications so Iâm always prepared to administer life-saving care to anyone who might need it. I know how to pack a bag full of enough essentials to survive harsh weather or injuries.
But ski patrol has also taught me so much more than just how to help others. It has shown me how I work best on a team. Iâm not naturally a leader, which is something Iâve always felt ashamed about. After learning from our mentors who all fulfill different roles on their adult Ski Patrol team, I realized that I donât have to be a leader to be a good team member. The quiet collaborators who can follow the lead, take initiative when needed, and do their jobs really well are just as important as the people who are front-and-center(( An important personal insight.)) .
Being on ski patrol as a high school student has been an incredible journey, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be a part of such a dedicated team. More importantly, Iâm proud of the growth Iâve experienced. I went from a person who just loves skiing to a person who is more confident in herself. I no longer feel unprepared or timid. I know exactly how to keep myself safe and work alongside others. While I donât want to be a professional Ski Patroller or even go into medicine, I know these lessons will serve me well wherever life takes me(( As an AO, I would have been wondering if being on JSP made them want to study medicine, so I appreciate that they answered it for me!)) . But no matter where I end up, when the mountain calls, you know Iâll answer.
AO Notes on Ski Patrol
In this fun hobby-meets-accomplishment essay, the writer shows us their strengths of care and teamwork. I like the crossover between something that they really enjoy and this impressive accomplishment they have of being on Junior Ski Patrol.
- Lessons learned: The writer makes it very clear what lessons they learned from Junior Ski Patrol. Lessons donât always have to be this explicit, but I appreciate how the writer really takes the time to reflect on what theyâve learned.
- Personal insight: Okay, this point is related to the lessons learned. But itâs important to draw out on its own because personal essays are, of course, personal. This topic easily could have been just about skiing down a mountain or administering first aid on patrol. Instead, the writer kept the focus inward to meet the expectations of a personal essay.
- Whatâs at stake?: We do get a good sense of personal meaning. But the writer could do a better job of speaking to the significance of this activity to their life. A good question to ask is, âWhatâs at stake?â What would I have lost or gained if this story had turned out differently? Asking these questions can also help you figure out what it is that you want an admissions officer to learn from your personal statement.
Personal Statement Example #14: The Regulars
One pump of vanilla syrup. Frothed milk. One espresso shot. Caramel drizzle(( Starting with some version of the following sentence would have been a stronger hook.)) . Like a scientist at her bench, I have methodically repeated these steps four days a week for the past two years. During my time as a Starbucks barista, Iâve learned hundreds of recipes and customizations. I know all the secret menu hacks, and Iâve developed several recipes for friends and family too. I pride myself on speed, quality, and memory. My favorite part of the job is the customer service. As one of the busiest locations in the region, Iâve caffeinated thousands. But itâs my regular customers, those whose orders I know like the back of my hand, who have truly impacted me.
Venti Vanilla Sweet Cream Cold Brew, hold the vanilla syrup. A busy mom of four, Chelsea is always in a hurry. I try to catch her the moment she enters the store so I can get started right away. Her Venti drink fuels her through school dropoffs and pickups, gymnastics lessons, and evening math homework. Throughout my conversations with her, Iâve learned that Chelsea is a scheduling virtuoso. As someone with ADHD(( This paragraph is almost too much about Chelsea, so this sentence is crucial to bring the focus back to the writer.)) , I became so inspired by her ability to juggle so many people and schedules simultaneously. After asking her for advice, she helped me find a time management system that I can keep up with. I have Chelsea to thank for my improved grades.
Grande dark roast, no room for cream. Mr. Williams is a retired businessman who always tips 100%. Mr. Williams is a quiet man, so it took me months to draw any information from him. Instead of using my over-the-top customer service voice, I eventually learned to be myself. When I got him to open up, I discovered that he was a service worker himself before he made it big in business in his sixties. The truth is, Mr. Williams has tipped me hundreds of dollars throughout my time here, which is extra money that will help me pay for college. Heâs taught me the value of quiet generosity(( Letâs be honest. Mr. Williams sounds like a cool guy. But Mr. Williams isnât applying to collegeâthe writer is! I like that we get small glimpses into who the writer is through this paragraph, but thereâs still room for more.)) .
Tall soy London Fog. Sweet Darla gave up coffee twenty-five years ago, but she still loves an occasional treat. When Darla enters, I clear my schedule. She always has stories to tell about the eighty years of life sheâs lived. Darla is everything I want to be at that age: sheâs spunky, opinionated, and hilarious(( Here we learn a lot about the writer through Darla.)) . Sometimes I tell Darla stories of my own. When I explained the dramatic series of events that led to me landing first chair in my symphony, she said she was going to retell it her bridge club. Making Darla laugh so hard will always be one of my proudest moments.
Grande iced matcha. Taylor is my age and goes to my school. When I took her order for the first time, I felt embarrassed that I needed to work to support myself while she could enjoy expensive drinks. But her kindness softened me. As time went on, I learned that she visited Starbucks so much because she wanted to get out of her house, which wasnât a very happy place. While I have to take on as many shifts as possible, I still have a happy home to return to afterward. Now Taylor comes in near the end of my shift so we can take our drinks and have dinner at my house.
When you work in customer service, customers enter and exit your life like a revolving door. But the regulars, those special people who draw connections from daily but brief interactions, stick with you for life. I wouldnât be who I am today if it werenât for these people, and I would never have met them if it werenât for my job as a barista. I havenât just been making drinks these past two years. Iâve been making friends(( The conclusion does a good job tying all these different stories back together. )) .
AO Notes on The Regulars
No one appreciates a good barista story more than a tired admissions officer on their 30th application of the day! I like the personality that comes through in this essay especially. But this is one of those cases where itâs almost too much about other people.
- Creative take: Not every college essay needs a creative flair. In fact, sometimes going for âuniqueâ structures can detract from an essay. But I like how the writer uses this format to structure the essay.
- Organization: This essay isnât one a reader is bound to get lost in. The introduction sets up the essay well, itâs easy to see the connections between the points the writer is conveying, and the conclusion brings the focus back to the writer.
- More focus on self: While we do learn about the writer in this essay, we also learn a lot about Chelsea, Mr. Williams, Darla, and Taylor. The writer could have pared down the descriptions of other peopleâor cut one of the examples altogetherâto save more room for personal reflection.
âBadâ Personal Statement Examples
These âbadâ essays arenât necessarily bad. They just arenât very effective personal statements. Specifically, these two essays make some of the biggest college essay mistakes.
Making mistakes, especially when youâve never written a personal statement before, is to be expected. Weâve included these examples so you can see what those mistakes look like in real-time. Learning from ineffective examples can be just as helpful as learning from the exceptional ones, so grab your pencil and start taking notes.
Our admissions officers have highlighted whatâs working and whatâs not. They offer helpful commentary and advice for revisions that you can use to assess your own personal statement.
Personal Statement Example #15: The Worst Year
My sophomore year of high school presented me with so many challenges(( This hook definitely gets straight to the point, but it doesnât draw me in as a reader.)) . I struggled with a lot that year and barely managed to get by. It was the greatest challenge I ever faced.
The year started out like any other but soon went into chaos. My brother suddenly started struggling with drugs and alcohol. Before that, we didnât know how bad he was hurting. But one night he finally came to us for help because apparently he had been using substances to cope with his emotions. He was scared because he felt like he had reached a breaking point and needed support. My parents didnât want to help because they thought that he didnât have a problem but I know my brother and I knew that he didnât seem like himself. It was so sad to watch him go through that. I tried my best to help him but I was only a kid. I couldnât really do anything besides tell him I loved him. Eventually my parents decided to get him some help, so he went away for a while and I wrote him letters every week and visited him as much as I could. The treatment he got helped thankfully. Heâs doing better now and I am grateful that he is my brother.
But then Covid hit and I couldnât even leave my house. We thought it would just be a two week vacation to school but it turned into two whole years of my life gone just like that. At the beginning I was stuck in my bedroom while my parents were working their jobs from the living room. Everyone was constantly getting annoyed with each other and driving each other wild. I would be doing a class Zoom in my room and I could hear my parents in a meeting in the living room. I had a hard time not being able to see my friends. I couldn't focus and my grades dropped. Even my teachers didnât really seem to care. I was sick of staring at black Zoom screens all the time that I even stopped logging on. All of that combined led to me becoming very depressed and anxious. My grades dropped even more because I just couldnât pay attention or focus enough to do my homework. I ended up getting grades way lower than I ever thought I would that year and Iâm so frustrated about it because it felt like I was trying my best but it just wasnât enough(( Here we see the writer opening up a bit and reflecting on what it was like to go through that experience.)) .
Even once we finally got back in school things didnât get much better. The pandemic was just too much for my family so my parents ended up getting divorced at the beginning of my junior year. After all we had been through together seeing them separate made me devastated. My dad got an apartment and I had to go back and forth between their houses and pack up all my stuff every time. It was like moving my entire life every weekend. My brother was out of the house by this point so it was just me all by myself. My school was far from my dadâs new place so Iâd have a long commute on the weeks I was with him. He was stressed at work and about the divorce and I just ended up feeling so lonely and spending most of my time in my room. My grades got better once online school stopped(( This moment of hope does a lot for moving the essay forward.)) but I had a hard time keeping close relationships with my friends because they didnât like that I was living far away now and that we couldnât really hang out anymore.
I couldnât believe that two years would change so much. Getting through everything really challenged me. But Iâm glad to be moving forward with my life.
AO Notes on The Worst Year
This student definitely had a challenging year. Itâs clear that theyâve overcome a lot, and I appreciate their willingness to share their struggles. I like that the very last sentence
What this essay does well:
- Vulnerability: Writing about challenges is never easy, especially when youâre writing to people you donât know. This writer is bold and unafraid in doing so.
What could be improved on:
- Not enough positivity: Hereâs the thing. You definitely donât need to be able to spin all of your challenging experiences into positive ones. But the topics you choose to write your college essay about should ultimately conclude on a positive note. You want your college essay to show you in a positive light, so you should choose a topic that lets you find a light, positive, or hopeful resolution.
Personal Statement Example #16: The Strikeout that Changed My Life
The stadium lights shone brightly in my eyes. I stepped up to the plate and drew back my bat. I wiggled my fingers, waiting. The pitcher wound up his arm and threw the ball towards me. My eyes worked overtime to track the ball. I watched as it flew directly towards the center of the plate and made a last-minute curve(( I like this vivid description.)) . It went straight into the catcherâs mitt. âStrike three!â the umpire yelled. That was the time I struck out at the quarter-finals. My team was so close to making it to the championship that we could taste it. It was the bottom of the sixth, and I gave up a valuable chance to score game-winning runs. We ended up losing. I learned a valuable lesson that fateful day. I never wanted to let my team down like that again(( And the writer jumps quickly into the main theme of the essay. Still, the message here could be more specific.)) .
We had advanced through our bracket without much trouble. The other teams were no match for our work ethic and teamwork. We were in perfect sync. As the first baseman, I was ready for any throw that came my way. We were also hitting well. I scored three home runs throughout the course of the tournament. We were a high-functioning machine. But for a machine to work, each cog has to function correctly. When I stepped up to the plate in the sixth inning, I was a broken cog.
After our quarterâfinal loss, I grieved with my teammates. Then I went off on my own to think. How had I let my team down so badly? How did I not even try to swing at that pitch? It was all my fault. I had to figure out what I had done wrong so I would never make the mistake again. I realized that I had been thinking selfishly. I was concerned about my own performance, my own at-bat averages(( This is a good reflection.)) . I was scared of failing because I didnât want to be embarrassed. And worrying about all of those things caused me to lose focus and miss my chance to make a difference. Instead, I should have been thinking about how my at-bat would contribute to my teamâs overall goal of winning the game.
I returned to where my teammates were congregating, and several of them patted me on the back. The next day, we went over how the game went as a team and talked about how we could improve at our tournament the following weekend. I admitted that I felt like I let the team down. My teammates said that they understood and reassured me that mistakes happen. It wasnât my failed at-bat alone that lost us the game. Like winning, losing is a team effort. It was a culmination of lots of little issues. At the end of the day, the other team just out-performed us. But we could try hard, practice a lot, and return triumphant next weekend.
Letting my team down was a crushing blow to my self-esteem. I never want to feel like that again, but I know that the experience caused me to grow. Through all of this, I learned that I have to trust myself and my team(( Here we get to the lesson learned.)) . Focusing on myself alone can only get me so far. But focusing on my team can get me to where I want to go. Iâm actually thankful that I struck out in that sixth inning because it caused me to learn an important life lesson.
AO Notes on The Strikeout that Changed My Life
This essay on its own definitely isnât âbad.â As far as essays go, itâs clear, well-written, and organized nicely. But as a college essay, it could be doing more work on the writerâs behalf. See, as an admissions officer, I donât actually learn that much about the writer from this essay alone. I see that they like baseball, are a good teammate, and can overcome failure. Those are wonderful traits, but they donât exactly help set this student apart on the admissions committee floor. Instead, the student could make this essay more vulnerable and personal.
- Writing: The writer uses some great creative writing skills to really set the scene for the readers. In that first paragraph, I really feel like Iâm there watching the game.
- Reflection: Even though the topic could be more significant, the writer does a great job reflecting on the meaning they drew from the experience.
- Significance: Itâs very clear that this topic holds a lot of meaning to the writer. But as a college essay topic, it lacks vulnerability and stakes.
Key Takeaways
Writing a personal statement is a difficult ask, especially when youâve never even read one before. But now, with these fifteen examples in your back pocket, youâre ready to write your own.
If youâre not sure what steps to take next, hop on over to our guide to writing personal statements for advice. You can also find more extensive guidance on the Essay Academy , a comprehensive college essay writing video course and community.
Happy writing! đ„ł
Liked that? Try this next.
![example of strong personal statement post preview thumbnail](https://admitreport.com/hubfs/How%20to%20Write%20a%20Personal%20Statement.jpg)
How to Write a Personal Statement for Colleges
![example of strong personal statement post preview thumbnail](https://admitreport.com/hubfs/CDS%20Posts%20%2819%29.png)
How to Show Demonstrated Interest
![example of strong personal statement post preview thumbnail](https://admitreport.com/hubfs/CDS%20Posts%20%2815%29.png)
Everything You Need to Know about Academics & GPA
![example of strong personal statement post preview thumbnail](https://admitreport.com/hubfs/20%20College%20Essay%20Examples-1.jpg)
How to Write Supplemental Essays that Will Impress Admissions Officers
"the only actually useful chance calculator iâve seenâplus a crash course on the application review process.".
Irena Smith, Former Stanford Admissions Officer
We built the best admissions chancer in the world . How is it the best? It draws from our experience in top-10 admissions offices to show you how selective admissions actually works.
Essay Examples 20 Personal Statement Examples That Stand Out + Why They Work
![example of strong personal statement Essay Examples: Writing Your Personal Statement Essay](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/personal-statement-examples-hero.png?w=1920&q=75)
This is your ultimate list of Personal Statement examples.
In this post, you'll learn:
- What makes a successful Personal Statement
- How to write an irresistible Personal Statement
- Ivy League personal essay examples
If you're looking to read and write Personal Statement essays, you've found the right place.
![example of strong personal statement Ryan](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/ryan-headshot-square.png?w=256&q=75)
In this post, I'm going to share everything you need to go from zero to having a Personal Statement essay you can be proud of.
This guide will help you get started writing an engaging Personal Statement essay. Or if you already have one, how to make it even better.
What is a Personal Statement Essay?
A personal statement, also called a statement of purpose (SOP) or personal essay, is a piece of creative, personal writing.
The purpose of your personal statement is to express yourself and your ideas. Personal statements usually aren't piece of formal writing, but still should be thoughtful and planned out.
Many applications for colleges, graduate schools, and scholarships require you to write a personal statement.
How to Write a Personal Statement Essay
While there are no rules or guidelines for writing a personal statement, the best ones often have these in common:
Have Strong Ideas:
Having compelling and interesting ideas shows you are a strong thinker.
It isn't necessarily about having all the answers, but asking the right questions.
For personal statement essays, the quality of your ideas matters more than your writing level. Writing interestingly is more important than writing beautifully.
Iâve stopped tripping over my own feet, and itâs led to me not being afraid to connect and interact with patients and customers or present in front of large crowds. Life is just one long Carioca â you might stumble at first, but if you keep pushing, the right feet will find themselves in the right place. From an accepted essay to UNC at Chapel Hill â
Be Authentic
Writing authentic essays means writing from the heart.
The best personal statements tend to come naturally, because the writer is excited about the topic.
Choose an idea that makes you feel excited to write about and start writing.
As you begin drafting, ideas will naturally arise related to your original idea. Exploring these tangential ideas is what leads to even better reflections for your essay.
That's why it's so important to be genuinely passionate about your subject. You can't just have an interest "in the topic," but there has to be something deeper you're writing about that moves you.
Use Narratives and Story-Telling:
Humans are naturally drawn to stories.
And often the best insights and ideas come from real life experiences.
Telling a story, or many, is the basis for developing your analysis and ideas. Remember, all stories need conflict in order to work.
It can help to think about the different types of conflict.
- Character vs. Self
- Character vs. Character
- Character vs. Nature
- Character vs. Society
And so on...
Once you've written a meaningful story, getting insights is as simple as answering the question: What did your experiences teach you?
The sounds of my knife striking kale unnerves my cat asleep in the corner. He quickly runs over to examine the situation but becomes instantly uninterested when he sees green and smells bitterness. Unfortunately, my family has this same reaction every day of every week. From an accepted essay to University of Southern California â
Showcase Your Values and Identity:
The purpose of a personal statement is to tell about who you are.
Personal statements are your opportunity to showcase what your values are, and how you would contribute to the school, scholarship opportunity, etc.
Good writers are those who write authentically. Write about your unique ideas and ask interesting questions, even if you don't know the answers.
How Long Should a Personal Statement Be?
A typical personal statement can range in length from 500 to 650 words or more.
For applying to colleges, the Common Application essay personal statement has a word limit of 650 words.
For graduate school programs, the application essay will vary in length, but most schools require a personal statement essay of at least 500 words.
20 Personal Statement EssaysThatWorked
It can be difficult to understand what makes a great essay without seeing some for yourself.
Here's 20 of our favorite personal statement essays that we've chosen for being unique and high-quality.
There essays were all accepted into some of the most selective schools. And while it isn't the only factor in admissions that matters, having outstanding essays can help tip the scales in your favor.
Table of Contents
Prompt: Background, Identity, or Interest
- 1. Uncomfortable Truths
- 2. Romanian Heritage
- 3. Film and Theater
- 4. Person of the Woods
- 5. Beautiful Walks
Prompt: Lessons from Obstacles
- 6. My Father
- 7. Self-Determination
- 8. Game Design Music
- 9. Speech and Debate
Prompt: Questioned or Challenged a Belief
- 10. Finding Answers
Prompt: Accomplishment, Event, or Realization
- 11. Connecting with Others
- 12. Summer Confidence
- 13. First Impressions
- 14. Law Career
- 15. Growing Up Asian
Prompt: Engaging Topic, Idea, or Concept
- 16. Secrets of Riddles
- 17. Rubik's Cube
- 18. Narrative Diversity
Prompt: Any Topic of Your Choice
- 19. Search for Dreams
- 20. Recipe for Success
Personal Statement Example #1: Uncomfortable Truths
This is a personal statement that worked for Princeton . It is outstanding for many reasons, but most of all because of its ideas and the thoughtfulness put into organizing them.
Common App Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)
Why This Essay Works:
Having a unifying idea is key to successful personal statements. Find your deepest idea or realization and focus your essay around that.
Find a way to showcase your achievements while connecting to broader, more universal ideas.
Connecting your ending to your beginning is a powerful way to bring your essay full circle. A great conclusion expands on your ideas introduced earlier, while leaving some room for more to be said.
Personal Statement Example #2: Film and Theater
This student's essay was accepted to USC , among other top schools. It's topic is seemingly simpleâtaking walksâbut the author brilliantly shows how even in the mundane there can be meaningful reflections.
This essay has lots of moments where the author's character comes across vividly. By using conversational language and interjections like "I want toâno, needâto...", the author has a clear "voice" and you can easily imagine them as if they were speaking directly to you. This student also showcases self-awareness and a sense of humor, by using slightly self-deprecating phrases like "some chubby, nerdy girl" and by recognizing how the social approval of sitting with the "popular girls" was enthralling at the time. Self-awareness is a highly valuable trait to portray, because it shows that you're able to reflect on both your strengths and weaknesses, which is a skill needed to be able to grow and develop.
This author manages to tie in their activity of producing films and reference them specifically ("Cardboard Castles") by connecting them to their main point. Instead of listing their activities or referencing them out-of-the-blue, they show how these accomplishments are perfect examples of a greater message. In this case, that message is how meaningful it is to connect with others through storytelling. To write about your activities and achievements without seeming arbitrary or boastful, make them have a specific purpose in your essay: connect to a value, idea, or use them as examples to show something.
In the intro of this essay, there are some descriptions that seem fiction-like and are ultimately unimportant to the main idea. Sentences that describe Mrs. Brewer's appearance or phrases describing how their teacher stood up after talking to them ultimately don't contribute to the story. Although these provide "context," the only context that admissions are interested in is context and details which have a purpose. Avoid writing like fiction books, which describe all the characters and settings, and instead only describe exactly what is needed to "go somewhere" in your essay.
What They Might Improve:
This essay has a strong hook which captivates the reader by making them ask a question: "What are these lunch-time horror stories?" By sparking the reader's imagination early on, you can draw them into your writing and be more engaged. However, ultimately this is somewhat of a letdown because these intriguing "lunch-time horror stories" are never described. Although it may not be completely necessary for the main point, describing one example or hinting at it more closely would be satisfying for the reader and still connect to the main idea of storytelling. One idea is to replace the conclusion with a reference to these "lunch-time horror stories" more vividly, which would be a satisfying ending that also could connect to filmmaking and storytelling. In general, anticipate what the reader will be looking for, and either use that expectation to your advantage by subverting it, or give them what they want as a satisfying, meaningful conclusion.
Although this conclusion could work as is, it could be stronger by seeming less arbitrary and less "fancy for fancy sake." Often, a good strategy is to connect your conclusion to something earlier in your essay such as your introduction or specific wording that you used throughout. In this essay, it could work much better to end by revealing one of those "lunch-time horror stories" in a way that also emphasizes their main point: how storytelling is a powerful tool to connect people.
About This Personal Essay:
Personal statement example #3: romanian heritage.
This personal statement worked for UMichigan , among many other top schools like MIT, Rice, UNC at Chapel Hill , University of Pittsburgh, UW Madison, and more.
This author is able to vividly bring you into their world using cultural references and descriptive writing. You can practically taste and smell Buni's kitchen through her words.
This essay starts off by posing a challenge, which is typical of essays. But rather than showing how they overcame this particular challenge of speaking Romanian without an accent, this reader shows how something unexpectedâbakingâcame to satisfy what was missing all along. By the end, this creates a conclusion that is both surprising, connected to the beginning, and makes perfect sense once you've read it. In other words, the conclusion is inevitable, but also surprising in content.
This student uses Romanian words to help exemplify the culture and language. If you're writing about a culture, using foreign language words can be a compelling way of adding depth to your essay. By including specific terms like "muni" and "cornulete," it shows a depth of knowledge which cannot be faked. Always use specific, tangible language where possible, because it is "evidence" that you know what you're talking about.
This student exhibits strong self-awareness by noting characteristics about themself, even some which may not be the most glamorous ("can be overbearing at times, stubborn in the face of offered help"). Rather than telling the reader flat out about these personal attributes, they are able to discuss them by connecting to another personâtheir grandmother Buni. Using another person to showcase your own character (through comparison or contrast) is a literary "foil," which can be an effective way of showing your character without stating it outright, which generally is boring and less convincing.
This student doesn't focus on surface-level ideas like "how they got better at speaking Romanian." Instead, they reflect in a creative way by connecting the Romanian language to baking. Revealing unseen connections between topics is a great way to show that you're a thoughtful and clever thinker. Ultimately, having unique ideas that are specific to you is what will create a compelling essay, and this essay is a perfect example of what that could look like.
Learn the Secrets of Successful Top-20 Applications
Join 4,000+ students and parents that already receive our 5-minute free newsletter , packed with T-20 essay examples, writing tips & tricks, and step-by-step guides.
![example of strong personal statement Students](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/student-circle-photos-min.png?w=1920&q=75)
Personal Statement Example #4: Person of the Woods
This essay was accepted into Dartmouth College . It is a brilliant example of showing how any experience, even those which originally may have been unpleasant, can be the topic of meaningful reflection.
Using visuals, like descriptions of scenarios and environments, can help bring the reader into your world. However, make sure that all of your descriptions are relevant to your main point, or else they could be distracting. For example, in this essay it would be unnecessary to describe what they're wearing or the appearance of canoes, but it makes sense to describe the nature as it relates to the main topic.
People are not isolated units. Instead, everyone depends on and is defined by those around them. By showing how you relate and connect with other people, you can provide insights into your character. In this essay, the student does a great job of delving into their strong friendships, particularly what they've learned from their friends.
Admissions officers love to see self-growth. Showing how your perspective on something has changed (in this case, how they went from disliking to loving an activity) conveys a development of your character. Ask yourself: what preconceived notions did I have before, and how did they change? This student reflects in a humble way, by first emphasizing what they've learned from others, before offering up what they might have contributed themselves. Always try to have a tone of gratitude in your essays because it makes you more likeable and shows strong character.
Personal Statement Example #5: Beautiful Walks
Personal statement example #6: my father.
This personal statement was admitted to Michigan in recent years. It is an outstanding example of how you can write about topics that are often cliché if done poorly, such as the death of a family member.
But unlike other essays, this one works because it has a unique take and genuine approach to the topic that makes it come off as heartfelt.
Common App Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (250-650 words)
Writing about a tragedy like a loss of a parent is a tricky topic for college essays. Many students feel obligated to choose that topic if it applies to them, but it can be challenging to not come across as trying to garner sympathy ("sob story"). This student does a graceful job of focusing on positive elements from their father's legacy, particularly the inspiration they draw from him.
This student does a great job of connecting their educational and career aspirations to their background. Admissions officers want to understand why you're pursing what you are, and by explaining the origin of your interests, you can have compelling and genuine reasons why.
In this essay, the student writes from their hypothetical perspective as an infant. This doesn't quite work because they likely wouldn't remember these moments ("I have no conscious memories of him"), but still writes as though they do. By writing about things you haven't seen or experienced yourself, it can come across as "made up" or inauthentic.
Personal Statement Example #7: Self-Determination
Some of the best essay topics are dealing with challenges you've faced, because difficulties make it easier to reflect upon what you've learned. Admissions officers ultimately are looking for self-growth, and showing how you've handled personal challenges can demonstrate your new understandings as a result. However, avoid talking about "tragedy" or difficulty without a clear purpose. Don't write about it because you think "you should," only write about challenges if they are true to yourself and you have something meaningful and unique to say about them. Otherwise, it can come off as trying to garner sympathy (i.e. "sob stories") which admissions officers generally dislike.
More convincing than telling admissions officers, is presenting them with "evidence" and allowing them to come to the conclusion themselves. If you want to show the idea "I couldn't learn due to this condition," it is far more effective to do what this student did and say, "I'd just finished learning complex trig identities, and I now couldn't even count to ten." When drafting, it is normal and okay to start off with more "telling" as you get your ideas on paper. But as your essay progresses, you should transform those moments of "telling" into more powerful and convincing moments of "showing."
Having meaningful reflections is a critical part of having compelling essays. But make sure your takeaways are not surface-level or generic. Each admissions officer has likely read thousands of essays, so they are well aware of the common ideas and tropes. Avoid cliché ideas at all costs, because it comes across as forgettable and unoriginal. Instead, it is okay to start with surface-level ideas, but keep asking yourself probing questions like "Why" and "How" to push your ideas deeper.
This essay tells a nice story of overcoming their physical impediment, but ultimately lacks meaningful reflections in the conclusion. Too much time is spent on "the problem" and not enough on how they overcame it. Your conclusion should have your best, most compelling ideas in your entire essay. Try ending your essay by connecting to the beginning with a new perspective, expanding on your idea with a new takeaway, or connecting to broader, more universal themes. Avoid having a conclusion that "sounds nice," but ultimately is lacking in meaningful content.
Personal Statement Example #8: Game Design Music
This essay was admitted into Cornell University . It discusses a common conflict of ideology that comes with pursuing the arts. What the author does brilliantly is show how that conflict was reconciled, as well as how it changed their perspective.
My mom used to tell me this a lot. Sheâd always disapproved of my passion for the arts.
In this essay, the author does a fantastic job of showing how they are thoughtful in considering the perspectives of others, even though they may disagree. Showing that you can entertain ideas that you may disagree with is an admirable trait that admissions officers love to see, because intellectual discussion is all about trying to see other people's views. When writing about things that you may disagree with, try to play devil's advocate and see things from their point of view. Doing so will make you come off as thoughtful, understanding, and inquisitive, and it will strengthen your own viewpoint if you can identify arguments against it.
The best essays help admissions officers understand how you think about things. One strategy is to offer up questions to explore. These can be questions that arose during a particular moment or questions that you're reflecting upon right now. By using questions in your essay, you'll also present yourself as a thoughtful and curious thinker. Ultimately, you want to help the reader see things from your perspective by showing your thought process.
A good starting place for reflection can be in comparing and contrasting different topics. This could finding the similarities and differences in an extracurricular and an academic class, or any other number of things. By finding the similarities in things often thought of as "opposing," or finding the differences in things thought of as "similar," you can get to interesting ideas. Comparisons are useful because they force you to think from a different viewpoint. For example in this essay: How does "programming" relate to "song lyrics"?
This essay ends on a note that feels somewhat off-topic and not as interesting as their main idea. The conclusion leaves more to be wanted, as the reader ends up thinking: Are you simply seeking the approval of your parents? Or are you carving your own path in life? Or does the answer lie somewhere in between? Avoid ending your essay with a tangential idea. Instead, a strong conclusion is often closely related to the main point of your essay, but with a slight twist. By planning out your essay before writing, you can make sure that each point (from start to finish) connects the way you want it to and that your conclusion ends on a strong, well-connected note.
Personal Statement Example #9: Speech and Debate
I was still high off the competition, poring over ballots by the soft streetlights as we drove. âAre you sure you want to do this?â My Dad was worried about me. Worried about my world crashing down around me, losing friends, being crushed by hate. Scarred by controversy. I laughed it off, and we rode in silence.
Fast forward to my second or third year in the league. I wanted to have some fun. I emailed the regional coordinator, asking if thereâs a rule against a speech advocating for same-sex marriage.
This essay has lots of interesting ideas about having discussions between people of different viewpoints. This student is able to reflect sincerely about what the benefit of that dialogue is ("iron sharpening iron") and able to draw meaningful conclusions ("hope lives in that laughter") that express deeper ideas. By focusing on these compelling reflections, this student shows themself as a brilliant and thoughtful thinker, while demonstrating what they value: discourse between opposing viewpoints. Rather than focusing on the literal happenings (i.e. giving a speech to their club), the student reflects on what that experience represents more broadly, which allows them to connect to deeper ideas.
This essay is full of details, without being wordy or drawn out. Even small details like naming the show "The Daily Show" or giving a number of "40,000+ theologies" makes their writing much more engaging and compelling. By avoiding broad and vague language, this student paints a fascinating picture that allows the reader to enter their world. It is always better to be specific than to be generic, but make sure that the specific details are always relevant to your point. This essay is a great example of how to do both.
This essay does a fantastic job of creating a "voice." That is, you can easily imagine the student as if they were speaking to you while reading it. To craft this voice, this student uses small moments of more informal language and interjecting remarks that show their thought process. Using parentheses can be a good way to show your voice by jumping in when you have a small remark to add. This student also demonstrates a sense of humor and lightheartedness while still discussing meaningful ideas. The sarcastic remark "because controversy has no place in a debate club!" demonstrates their values (of dialogue between differing viewpoints) as well as showing their sense of personality.
This essay's weakest point is its intro or "hook." In fact, it could work much better by excluding the introduction paragraph and starting off with the second paragraph: "Forgive the melodrama: this is a story..." That short phrase is much more captivating and immediately draws the reader in. The introduction paragraph in this essay is too much of a meandering and vague story: you don't know what they're talking about, and ultimately it doesn't matter. Rather than using a fancy story or descriptions to introduce your essay, try jumping into the "meat" of your essay immediately. Consider using a short, declarative sentence or phrase like "Forgive the melodrama" as a hook, which is more impactful and draws the reader immediately into your essay.
Personal Statement Example #10: Finding Answers
Common App Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? (250-650 words)
My grandmotherâs concern faded rather quickly as sirens fell distant and time passed.
After about 30 minutes, my grandfatherâs friend ran toward the beach. My grandfather was not next to him. He was not there at all. At that moment, my grandma knew.
âBurt...he was with me...he slipped...he fell...I ran down the side of the mountain, off the trail, but I couldnât find him. The park rangers are looking...â She stopped listening. She could see his lips moving, yet she heard nothing.
This essay repeats a lot of the same ideas or information, just using different words. Rather than "getting to the point," this repetition makes the essay feel meandering and like it is going nowhere ultimately. When drafting your essay, it is okay to have repetition (your drafts shouldn't be perfect, after all). But when editing, ask yourself with each sentence: does this add something new? Is this necessary to my main point? If not, you should exclude those sentences.
This essay starts off with a drawn-out story of the tragedy involving the author's grandfather. Most of this story is unnecessary, because all that really matters for this student's main idea is the fact that their grandfather passed away from a tragic accident. Details about his grandmother or his grandfather's best friend are unnecessary and distracting.
An important "rule" in college essays is to only write from your perspective. That is, don't describe things that you couldn't have seen or experienced. In this essay, the author spends a lot of time describing their grandfather's incident as if they was there to witness it. But we later learn that the author was not even alive at this point, so how could they be describing these things? On a smaller level, don't describe yourself from an outside perspective. For example, instead of, "I grimaced when I heard the news" (how did you see yourself grimace?) you could say, "I felt my stomach pang when I heard the news."
Your ideas are most valuable in your essays. Admissions officers want to see how you think, and having interesting ideas that are unique to you is how you demonstrate that you're thoughtful and insightful. Avoid surface-level ideas at all costs, as it comes off cliché. It is okay to start with more generic ideas, but you should always delve deeper. To get at deeper and more unique ideas, the key is to ask yourself questions. For example: Why is this the case? Why don't things work differently? What does this mean for other people? What does this represent? How can I apply this to other areas of life?
Personal Statement Example #11: Connecting with Others
Common App Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. (250-650 words)
It's important to create a "voice" in your personal statement, so that admissions officers can imagine your character and personality. Try to write as you would speak, but refined and polished. In this essay, natural-sounding phrases like "...let me admit, I was awful..." humanizes the author and makes the reader feel like they're being spoken to.
This essay is a perfect example of how effective essays don't need to have a super unusual story to be compelling. What makes this essay's story compelling is not necessarily the topic itself (meeting distant relatives), but instead how the student reflects and makes interesting connections to broader ideas. Even seemingly mundane experiences can make for meaningful personal statements topics.
This conclusion works well by connecting to the main story of the essay. However, certain phrases like "As a global citizen" and "I am hoping to forge relationships" are potentially too generic. Instead, try taking your main idea (in this case forming connections with others) and broaden it or connect to more universal ideas.
Personal Statement Example #12: Summer Confidence
This essay has a heartfelt moment where the author connects deeply with a camper and feels a sense of genuine gratitude. By showing their newfound connection with a person they were mentoring, this creates a sense of humanity and also tells a lot about the author themself. By talking about other people in your life, you create a literary "foil" which in turn describes something about yourself. Showing how you interact with others can be telling into your character, such as showing your empathy, sense of humor, friendliness, or how you draw inspiration from others.
This essay does a good job of expressing vulnerability, specifically the author's fears about the future and "deteriorating friendships" after going to college. By being vulnerable, these moments feel more relatable to the reader. Showing your struggles (especially emotional ones) can also make your later "successes" feel more impactful when you show how you've overcame them or persist in face of those struggles. By recognizing your flaws or insecurities, you also show self-awareness, which is a positive trait because you need to be self-aware in order to improve the areas of yourself you want to fix.
Although this essay does reflect upon the lessons learned during their time at this camp, the takeaways are ultimately surface-level and not delved into. Rather than saying things like "I had more confidence," it would be more engaging to show how that confidence made an effect and what exactly that "confidence" meant. This essay touches upon some meaningful lessons, but ultimately they fall flat because the nuances of these lessons are glossed over. Phrases like "upon further consideration it no longer fills me with...apprehension" don't delve into the most interesting part: How and why did that fear go away? What changed about your perspective and why? Instead, these are explained away with "confidence and maturity," which are too broad of terms and feel meaningless because they are overused in essays.
In your personal statement, it is completely OK to reference people by their first name. Using names makes your essay more vivid and engaging, while showing a deeper connection that you have with others. Rather than saying "other people" or "one of the older campers," it would be more impactful to use their first name. There are some caveats, however. Don't use their name if you're showing them in a negative light (which you probably shouldn't do anyway) or if you're revealing something personal about them. If you are revealing something personal, you can substitute their name for another name, or ask them for their direct permission.
Personal Statement Example #13: First Impressions
It had a nice ring to it, but I wasnât a fan. Unfortunately, thatâs what I imagined everyone saw first, and first impressions stick.
A caveat of my surgery was that the hair would grow, then one-third would fall off. My scar will never be completely gone, but I no longer feel defined by it like I did in elementary school.
An effective hook doesn't need to be complicated. Often, the best hooks are simple, declarative sentences. By using a short sentence, you'll immediately draw the reader into your essay and create a point of emphasis. In general, avoid long and meandering sentences to start your essay, and save those for later in your essay. Clear and succinct phrasing is often the hallmark of a strong hook.
To convey your ideas more strongly, show them using concrete examples. In this essay, the author does a great job of that by not saying "classmates only saw me for my scar," but instead showing that idea through the memorable image of "I learned about my classmates through their lunchbox covers...they saw me as the boy with the scar." Using tangible imagery makes for a compelling way of expressing your ideas, as it allows the reader to come to the conclusions you want them to, without just "telling" them.
Avoid exaggerating or "fluffing up" experiences in your essays. Instead, be realistic and tell them for what they are. This essay does that perfectly by using phrases like "I didn't have a sudden epiphany about my scar." Avoid using phrases like "suddenly, I..." which are often overused and unrealistic. Most new understandings aren't acquired in one moment in particular, but are developed over time.
This essay touches on some compelling ideas, such as how people can distill down other people into their physical attributes or ailments. However, it would be even stronger to delve deeper into these reflections by asking further questions: Why do we gravitate towards "categorizing" people based on surface-level attributes? What is the impact of only be acknowledged for surface-level characteristics by others, but knowing that you have much more depth to your character? This essay has some meaningful ideas, but other ideas such as "I can be whatever I want to be" feel surface-level and somewhat generic.
Personal Statement Example #14: Law Career
One great way to have interesting ideas is to show things that you find fascinating that other people may find boring. This essay describes how a judge mandating "reprimands for speeding tickets might be dull for some," but how they find it interesting. Everything, even the seemingly mundane, has interesting aspects if you're willing to look closely enough. When brainstorming, ask yourself: what do I find fascinating that others find boring? What do I think is "fun" while others may think it is "hard" or boring? By following these threads, you can often find unique and compelling ideas that allow you to bring the reader into your world and show them how you see the world uniquely.
A common trap when writing a personal statement is to use a descriptive, fiction-like story to start your essay. Although this may sound like a good idea, it is often ineffective because it buries what is most interesting (your ideas and reflections) and can easily be long and drawn out. Short, concise stories with a focus can be effective introductions, but in general avoid overly descriptive storytelling to start your essay. Also, avoid describing things that aren't critical to your main point. There is little to no benefit in describing things like "I smoothed my skirt and rose slowly from the chair." Focus on why your stories matter, rather than telling stories in a descriptive manner.
This essay does have some reflections, particularly about how the author discovered their passion for law by joining the Youth Court. However, most of these ideas end there, and there aren't any deep, unique ideas. The closest the author comes to having a unique and compelling idea is the final sentence where they write "the value of prioritizing the common good above individual success." This could be a fascinating topic to explore, but ultimately is cut short because it is tagged onto the ending. Your focus when brainstorming and drafting should be to have specific and original ideasâideas that are not generic, not clichĂ©, and not surface-level. To get to those ideas, ask yourself probing questions like "Why" and "How" over and over.
Personal Statement Example #15: Growing Up Asian
Personal statement example #16: secrets of riddles.
Common App Prompt #6: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more? (250-650 words)
As I was going to St. Ives, Upon the road I met seven wives; Every wife had seven sacks, Every sack had seven cats: Cats, sacks, and wives, How many were going to St. Ives?
The riddles of life were not as straightforward as the puzzles in my books and websites. In fact, they were not straightforward at all, like winding mazes of philosophical quandary.
One of the most thought-provoking subjects that preoccupies my mind regards the existence of aliens. Initially, my mind was settled on the possibility of intelligent life. A universe so big could not possibly be lifeless.
As for the solution to the riddle at the start:
How many were going to St. Ives?
This essay does well by having a unique central topicâriddlesâwhich allows the author to draw out interesting ideas related to this theme. Your topic doesn't necessarily need to be profound or hugely significant, because this author shows how you can take a seemingly unimportant topic and use it to make meaningful connections. In this essay, riddles grow to represent something greater than the activity itself, which is something you can do with almost any topic.
One of the most effective ways to "show, not tell" is to use specific and tangible examples. This essay does a great job of exemplifying their ideas. Rather than just saying "I enthralled my friends with questions," the author also shows this: "Over peanut butter and sliced ham, I assumed the role of story teller..." Examples are always more convincing because they are proof, and allow the reader to interpret for themselves. Don't tell the reader what you want them to think. Instead, set up moments that guide the reader to come to those conclusions themselves.
This conclusion connects back to the beginning, which is generally a good idea as it creates a cohesive structure. However, this ending doesn't quite make sense in the context of the riddle. Rather than creating new meaning, it comes off as arbitrary and contrived. Make sure your conclusion isn't creative just for creative-sake, and instead also has significant meaning attached to it.
Personal Statement Example #17: Rubik's Cube
Personal statement example #18: narrative diversity.
If your cultural background or identity is an important part of who you are, then writing about it can make for a compelling essay. Often times in college admissions, Asian-Americans in particular are advised to "hide" their ethnic background, because it can be perceived to hurt their application. This student embraces their Asian heritage by recognizing ways in which they faced societal barriers. As this essay shows, regardless of your identity, there are unique aspects you can delve into that can make for compelling topics.
This essay does a great job of reflecting upon previously held beliefs, such as "I unconsciously succumbed to the 'reserve and quiet' Asian stereotype," and challenging them. Questioning your beliefs and where they came from can often be a good starting point for interesting reflection. Showing your new perspectives over time also conveys self-growth. Ask yourself: what did I once believe (in regards to myself, an activity, other people, etc.), what do I believe now, and how has this changed?
Rather than starting off with an activity and then reflecting upon it, this student takes a different approach. By introducing an interesting idea (the representation of underrepresented groups in media) and then later connecting to their activities, it makes the incorporation of those extracurriculars seem more appropriate and natural. The last thing you want to do is list your activities plainly, but it's still important to reference them. One strategy to naturally talk about your activities and accomplishments is to attach them to interesting ideas, as this essay shows.
Personal Statement Example #19: Search for Dreams
Common App Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (250-650 words)
The diamond leaves of gnarled oak trees throw spectrums of color onto mounds of frosty snow that gleam melancholily under the moonlight. The leaves chime as wind violently rustles them in a haunting melody. I splinter a leaf off its branch and inspect the shard of my illusion, eyes dancing with amusement.
As I dwell in my worries, a cold hand reaches from behind me and taps my shoulder.
I jerk away, fear bubbling in my amygdala as I look into the nonexistent eyes of my intruding visitor.
The moon illuminates a blob of pink squish as it draws back slowly, points its spindly hands towards my drink and asks: âCould I have some of that?â
The blob wipes its invisible mouth with its nonexistent sleeve. I ask: âWhat are you?â
The blob tells me to stop looking at it so suspiciously. âI can prove it,â It says. I tell it, please, go ahead.
Suddenly we are back in the glowing forest. âDiamonds? Pah!â The blob dismisses them. Instantly, the leaves turn solid gold, the snow melts, and the wintry world is thrown into a blistering summer.
The blob laughs heartlessly. âYour cortex is under my control,â it says smugly.
âI heard you had a question for me?â It taps its invisible ears knowingly.
The blob wriggles its invisible brows as it waits.
It smiles that wicked smile. It laughs that sinful laugh. Then that insufferable blob wakes me up.
As I sit up in the dark and rub my bleary eyes, I am vaguely aware of the deepÂset unfulfillment settling itself inside me. I yawn and plop back into bed, the soft red glow of my alarm clock indicating that it is still before midnight.
One thing is for sure about this essay: it has a unique idea that has surely not been written before. Regardless of your topic, you want your essay to be unique in some way, even if it isn't as fantastical as this essay. You can use a unique structure, such as having central symbolism, metaphor, or being structured as a recipe, for example. But this can easily become "gimmicky" if it doesn't have a clear purpose. In general, the most effective way to have a unique essay is to focus on having deep and unique ideas and reflections. By focusing on interesting takeaways and connections that are ultra-specific to you and your experiences, your essay will standout regardless of the structure.
This essay uses a lot of fiction-like writing that is fantastical and "flowery." Although moments of this kind of writing can make your essay more vivid, it is quite easy to end up with dense storytelling and descriptions that ultimately don't share anything interesting about you. The purpose of your essay is ultimately to learn about you: your values, your ideas, your identity, etc. By using dense story-like writing, it can be easy to lose focus of what admissions officers are looking for. In general, avoid writing "fancy" stories like this essay, unless you have a clear and distinct purpose for doing so. Everything in your essay should have a purpose in "going somewhere" (i.e. reaching interesting ideas and takeaways).
This essay is definitely creative, but lacks meaningful takeaways and ideas. By the end of the essay, we don't know much about the author besides the fact that they have an affinity for creative writing and are "on a search." Although the content is unique, the end result comes off as quite generic and surface-level because no interesting thoughts are explored deeply. The most interesting part of this essay is "I open my mouth and ask it my most crucial question," but this is super unsatisfying because the question is never divulged. Instead, the reader is teased by this fantasy story and the essay goes nowhere meaningful, which comes off as gimmicky and "creative for creative's sake," rather than deeply personal and interesting.
This essay ends on the idea of "continuing my search," but for what exactly? It is never explained, elaborated, or even implied (besides one reference to painting earlier). That makes this conclusion comes off as somewhat surface-level and uninteresting. Admissions officers won't care about "your search" unless they have a reason to care. That is, unless it tells something specific about you. On it's own, this idea of "exploring" and "searching" is meaningless because it is too broad and unelaborated.
Personal Statement Example #20: Recipe for Success
Step 1: Collect the ingredients
Step 2: Marinate the meat
Step 3: Wrap the dumplings
Step 4: Boil or pan-fry?
Step 5: Share and enjoy!
This essay has a clearly unique format in that it is structured as a dumpling recipe. By walking the reader through each step of dumpling-making, the student is able to explore various ideas and use the dumpling process as a metaphor for their own self-discovery. Having a creative structure like this can be beneficial, so long as you also have compelling ideas and the structure isn't unique just for the sake of being unique.
This whole essay is one big metaphor: the student compares their self-growth to the process of making dumplings. In doing so, the student introduces their heritage, while also having a creative literary device that they can use to explore various topics. By having a "central theme" such as this essay does, it makes it easier to explore a variety of ideas and activities, without seeming like you're listing them.
Struggles are one of the most defining aspects of self-development, and admissions officers are interested to see how you have overcome challenges. These difficulties don't need to be extreme tragedies or insurmountable obstacles, but everyone has faced difficulties. By reflecting upon those difficulties, you can draw out interesting ideas, showcase vulnerability, and express your personality.
What You Can Learn From These Personal Statement Examples
With these 20 Personal Statement examples, you can get inspired and improve your own essays. If you want to get accepted into selective colleges this year, your essays need to make you stand out.
These 20 examples show how real students got into highly selective schools and teach us several lessons for writing your own successful Personal Statement essay:
- Write a compelling first sentence that grabs the reader
- Be specific and reference things by name
- Tell a meaningful story
- Reflect on your life and identity. Be self-aware.
If you enjoyed these personal statement examples, check out some of our top Common App Essays , which are also personal statements essays, but for the Common Application.
Which of these personal statement examples was your favorite?
Ryan Chiang , Founder of EssaysThatWorked.com
Want to read more amazing essays that worked for top schools?
Hey! đ I'm Ryan Chiang, the founder of Essays That Worked.
Get our 5-minute free newsletter packed with essay tips and college admissions resources, backed by real-life examples from admitted students at top-20 schools.
Meet the Author
Ryan Chiang
I'm Ryan Chiang and I created EssaysThatWorked.com - a website dedicated to helping students and their families apply to college with confident. We publish the best college admissions essays from successful applicants every year to inspire and teach future students.
You might also like:
![example of strong personal statement 20 Successful College Essay Examples + Why They Worked (2024)](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-essays-hero.png)
20 Successful College Essay Examples + Why They Worked (2024)
![example of strong personal statement 25 Elite Common App Essay Examples (And Why They Worked)](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/common-app-examples-hero.png)
25 Elite Common App Essay Examples (And Why They Worked)
![example of strong personal statement UCLA Acceptance Rate By Major & Program 2024](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-images/compressed/ucla.jpg)
UCLA Acceptance Rate By Major & Program 2024
![example of strong personal statement 37 Unique "Why This College" Essay Examples for Top-20 Colleges](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-images/compressed/brown-university.jpg)
37 Unique "Why This College" Essay Examples for Top-20 Colleges
![example of strong personal statement 23 College Essay Tips to Stand Out](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/23-essay-tips-upright-hardcover-mockup-sm.png?w=1920&q=75)
What do outstanding essays have in common? Here are our 23 most effective strategies based on lessons from admitted students.
No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.
By signing up you agree to Terms and Privacy Policy
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/buckman-jana.jpg?w=2048&q=75)
Now available for June 2024 ...
The College Essay Workshop
Join my on-demand step-by-step course for crafting outstanding college admissions essays, plus 1-on-1 help.
Here's everything needed to write essays worthy of Top-20 colleges.
Google Rating
Join our students who have earned acceptances to schools like...
See exactly how students wrote admitted essays for top schools.
Our 231 essay examples show you how ordinary students wrote outstanding essays that helped their applications - all in their own words.
These arenât just essay examples - but real acceptance stories, from real students who share their most intimate details with you - down to their real essays and exact profiel stats.
How do I find a unique topic? How do I write a great essay? And how do I stand out?
Our 231 essay examples break down these exact questions. Every type of essay prompt, student, and school.
Youâll realize these students are just like you - and that, deep down, you can do it too.
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/princeton-university-emblem.png?w=256&q=75)
Princeton Admitted Essay
People love to ask why. Why do you wear a turban? Why do you have long hair? Why are you playing a guitar with only 3 strings and watching TV at 3 A.M.âwhere did you get that cat? Why wonât you go back to your country, you terrorist? My answer is... uncomfortable. Many truths of the world are uncomfortable...
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/mit-logo.png?w=256&q=75)
MIT Admitted Essay
Her baking is not confined to an amalgamation of sugar, butter, and flour. It's an outstretched hand, an open invitation, a makeshift bridge thrown across the divides of age and culture. Thanks to Buni, the reason I bake has evolved. What started as stress relief is now a lifeline to my heritage, a language that allows me to communicate with my family in ways my tongue cannot. By rolling dough for saratele and crushing walnuts for cornulete, my baking speaks more fluently to my Romanian heritage than my broken Romanian ever could....
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/university-of-pennsylvania-logo.png?w=256&q=75)
UPenn Admitted Essay
A cow gave birth and I watched. Staring from the window of our stopped car, I experienced two beginnings that day: the small bovine life and my future. Both emerged when I was only 10 years old and cruising along the twisting roads of rural Maryland...
Over 200 more admitted essays like these...
Learn the secrets behind outstanding application essays.
College essays are confusing. And it's not your fault. You're not taught how to write them in school.
How should I structure my essay? Can I use humor? What makes a truly great essay?
There's so much conflicting advice out there.
And with people selling "magic formulas" and "structures" to follow... it's easy to be led astray.
Youâll get access to courses, live events, a dedicated essay coach, and countless resources to help you write your best essays.
You finally have a place where you can ask these questions, get advice, and see exactly how admitted students before you did it.
Youâre no longer figuring out everything on your own. You're no longer stuck wondering.
Everything you get
231 essays analyzed
Explore our database of 200+ admitted essays from top-20 colleges. Filter by prompt, school, topic, word count, and more. Get expert insights into why they worked and what you can learn from them.
Exclusive access to essay editing
You'll get access to our essay editing services, which is only offered for members. You can get your essays reviewed personally by me (Ryan). I'll give you detailed feedback on how to improve your essays and make them stand out.
Dedicated essay coach & support
You'll get access to our private community, where you can ask questions and get help from me directly. I'll be there to answer your questions and provide unlimited personalized advice.
44 in-depth video lessons
Learn the secrets behind outstanding essays. We break down the entire process, from brainstorming to writing and editing. You'll learn how to write amazing college essays for any prompt, with step-by-step guides and actionable tips.
26 downloadable guides
Get our best tips and tricks in easy-to-read guides. Learn what makes great essays, how to brainstorm your best topics, and how to write specific parts like a powerful hook and memorable ending.
Tons of bonuses
Get the Ultimate College Application Planner, my 154-Point Essay Checklist, and more. You'll also get a free copy of my eBooks, including 23 College Essay Tips to Stand Out and more.
Don't take our word for it
Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of our students and parents.
" Ryan, I want to express our great appreciation to you for your help on George's application essays. You have provided invaluable resources! P.S. I will certainly recommend you to our friends. "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/harvard-university-logo.png?w=256&q=75)
" RyanâDavid got into The University of Michigan!!! Only 4 kids got in out of 200 that applied at his school!!! Thank you so so much for everything "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/university-of-michigan-logo.png?w=96&q=75)
" Thank you for the incredible help Ryan - both Hannah and I have said repeatedly that we could not have done it without you! "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/usc-logo.png?w=96&q=75)
" Thank you for your help with my essays back in November, including my Yale supplements. Just wanted to let you know I ended up getting into and committing to Yale! "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/yale-university-logo.png?w=96&q=75)
" I feel so much more reassured to press the submit button now. I wish I knew about your site sooner! "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/university-of-pennsylvania-logo.png?w=96&q=75)
" ... Invaluable to me during the college admissions process! It gave me a different perspective to look at my essays. "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/duke-university-logo.png?w=96&q=75)
" Initially I was skeptical about my essay's idea and whether it was properly reflected in my writing. This gave me a clear direction! "
![example of strong personal statement](https://d2039crxl2ddd4.cloudfront.net/college-logos/square/nyu-logo.png?w=96&q=75)
Don't miss out on writing your best college essays.
© 2018- 2024 Essays That Worked . All rights reserved.
Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our Terms and Conditions , Privacy Policy , and Cookie Policy .
We have no affiliation with any university or colleges on this site. All product names, logos, and brands are the property of their respective owners.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://hbr.org/resources/css/images/ascend/Ascend-Landing-FINAL.png)
- SUGGESTED TOPICS
- The Magazine
- Newsletters
- Managing Yourself
- Managing Teams
- Work-life Balance
- The Big Idea
- Data & Visuals
- Reading Lists
- Case Selections
- HBR Learning
- Topic Feeds
- Account Settings
- Email Preferences
How to Write a Strong Personal Statement
- Ruth Gotian
- Ushma S. Neill
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://hbr.org/resources/images/article_assets/2023/02/A_Mar23_01_Writing-statement_1217994864.jpg)
A few adjustments can get your application noticed.
Whether applying for a summer internship, a professional development opportunity, such as a Fulbright, an executive MBA program, or a senior leadership development course, a personal statement threads the ideas of your CV, and is longer and has a different tone and purpose than a traditional cover letter. A few adjustments to your personal statement can get your application noticed by the reviewer.
- Make sure you’re writing what they want to hear. Most organizations that offer a fellowship or internship are using the experience as a pipeline: It’s smart to spend 10 weeks and $15,000 on someone before committing five years and $300,000. Rarely are the organizations being charitable or altruistic, so align your stated goals with theirs
- Know when to bury the lead, and when to get to the point. It’s hard to paint a picture and explain your motivations in 200 words, but if you have two pages, give the reader a story arc or ease into your point by setting the scene.
- Recognize that the reviewer will be reading your statement subjectively, meaning you’re being assessed on unknowable criteria. Most people on evaluation committees are reading for whether or not you’re interesting. Stated differently, do they want to go out to dinner with you to hear more? Write it so that the person reading it wants to hear more.
- Address the elephant in the room (if there is one). Maybe your grades weren’t great in core courses, or perhaps you’ve never worked in the field you’re applying to. Make sure to address the deficiency rather than hoping the reader ignores it because they won’t. A few sentences suffice. Deficiencies do not need to be the cornerstone of the application.
At multiple points in your life, you will need to take action to transition from where you are to where you want to be. This process is layered and time-consuming, and getting yourself to stand out among the masses is an arduous but not impossible task. Having a polished resume that explains what youâve done is the common first step. But, when an application asks for it, a personal statement can add color and depth to your list of accomplishments. It moves you from a one-dimensional indistinguishable candidate to someone with drive, interest, and nuance.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://hbr.org/resources/css/images/hmm/HBR-learning-icon.png)
- Ruth Gotian is the chief learning officer and associate professor of education in anesthesiology at Weill Cornell Medicine in New York City, and the author of The Success Factor and Financial Times Guide to Mentoring . She was named the #1 emerging management thinker by Thinkers50. You can access her free list of conversation starters and test your mentoring impact . RuthGotian
- Ushma S. Neill is the Vice President, Scientific Education & Training at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City. She runs several summer internships and is involved with the NYC Marshall Scholar Selection Committee. ushmaneill
Partner Center
Weâve updated the look and feel of ProWritingAid. Learn more about our new chapter.
- Grammar Checker
- Paraphrasing Tool
- Critique Report
- Writing Reports
- Learn Blog Grammar Guide Community Events FAQ
- Grammar Guide
How to Write a Personal Statement (with Tips and Examples)
![example of strong personal statement Hannah Yang headshot](https://assets.prowritingaid.com/f/145420/512x512/813a592b93/hannah_yang.jpeg/m/)
By Hannah Yang
![example of strong personal statement How to write a personal statement](https://assets.prowritingaid.com/f/145420/750x469/7723267618/blog-title-how-to-write-a-personal-statement.png/m/)
Table of Contents
What is a personal statement, 6 tips on how to write a personal statement, personal statement examples (for college and university), faqs about writing personal statements, conclusion on how to write a personal statement.
How do you tell someone who you are in just a few hundred words?
Itâs certainly no easy task, but itâs one almost every college applicant must do. The personal statement is a crucial part of any college or university application.
So, how do you write a compelling personal statement?
In this article, weâll give you all the tools, tips, and examples you need to write an effective personal statement.
A personal statement is a short essay that reveals something important about who you are. It can talk about your background, your interests, your values, your goals in life, or all of the above.
Personal statements are required by many college admission offices and scholarship selection committees. Theyâre a key part of your application, alongside your academic transcript, standardized test scores, and extracurricular activities.
The reason application committees ask you to write a personal statement is so they can get to know who you are.Â
Some personal statements have specific prompts, such as âDiscuss a period of personal growth in your lifeâ or âTell us about a challenge or failure youâve faced.â Others are more open-ended with prompts that essentially boil down to âTell us about yourself.â
No matter what the prompt is, your goal is the same: to make yourself stand out to the selection committee as a strong candidate for their program.
Here are some things a personal statement can be:
It can be funny. If you have a great sense of humor, your personal statement is a great place to let that shine. Â
It can be vulnerable. Donât be afraid to open up about hardships in your life or failures youâve experienced. Showing vulnerability can make you sound more like a real person rather than just a collection of application materials. Â
It can be creative. Candidates have got into top schools with personal statements that take the form of âa day in the lifeâ descriptions, third-person short stories, and even cooking recipes.
Now weâve talked about what a personal statement is, letâs quickly look at what a personal statement isnât:
It isnât a formal academic paper. You should write the personal statement in your natural voice, using first-person pronouns like âIâ and âme,â not in the formal, objective language you would use to write an academic paper.
It isnât a five-paragraph essay. You should use as many paragraphs as you need to tell your story instead of sticking to the essay structure you learned in school.
It isnât a resumĂ©. You should try to describe yourself by telling a clear and cohesive story rather than providing a jumbled list of all of your accomplishments and ambitions.
![example of strong personal statement personal statement definition](https://assets.prowritingaid.com/f/145420/750x469/abc74cb4d0/blog-content-personal-statement-definition.png/m/)
Here are our top six tips for writing a strong personal statement.
Tip 1: Do Some Serious Self-Reflection
The hardest part of writing a personal statement isnât the actual process of writing it.
Before you start typing, you have to figure out what to write about. And that means taking some time to reflect on who you are and whatâs important in your life.
Here are some useful questions you can use to start your self-reflection. You can either answer these on your own by writing down your answers, or you can ask a trusted friend to listen as you talk about them together.
What were the key moments that shaped your life? (e.g. an important friendship, a travel experience, an illness or injury)
What are you proud of? (e.g. youâre a good listener, you always keep your promises, youâre a talented musician)
How do you choose to spend your time? (e.g. reading, practicing soccer, spending time with your friends)
What inspires you? (e.g. your grandmother, a celebrity, your favorite song)
Doing this self-reflection is crucial for figuring out the perfect topics and anecdotes you can use to describe who you are.
Tip 2: Try to Avoid Cliché Topics
College application committees read thousands of personal statements a year. That means there are some personal statement topics they see over and over again.
Here are a few examples of common personal statement topics that have become cliché:
Winning a tournament or sports game
Volunteering in a foreign country
Moving to a new home
Becoming an older sibling
Being an immigrant or having immigrant parents
If you want to make a strong impression in the application process, you need to make your personal statement stand out from the crowd.
But if your chosen personal statement topic falls into one of these categories, that doesnât necessarily mean you shouldnât use it. Just make sure to put a unique spin on it so it still delivers something the committee hasnât seen before.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://cdn.prowritingaid.com/website/2.5.60228/images/cms/blog/student.png)
Good writing = better grades
ProWritingAid will help you improve the style, strength, and clarity of all your assignments.
Tip 3: Show, Donât Tell
One common mistake you might make in your personal statement is to simply tell the reader what you want them to know about you, such as by stating âI have a fear of public speakingâ or âI love to cook.â
Instead of simply stating these facts, you should show the committee what youâre talking about through a story or scene, which will make your essay much more immersive and memorable.
For example, letâs say you want the committee to know you overcame your fear of public speaking. Instead of writing âI overcame my fear of public speaking,â show them what it was like to be onstage in front of a microphone. Did your palms get clammy? Did you feel light-headed? Did you forget your words?
Or letâs say you want the committee to know you love to cook. Instead of writing âI love to cook,â show them why you love to cook. Whatâs your favorite dish to cook? What does the air smell like when youâre cooking it? What kitchen appliances do you use to make it?
Tip 4: Connect the Story to Why Youâre Applying
Donât forget that the purpose of your personal statement isnât simply to tell the admissions committee who you are. Thatâs an important part of it, of course, but your ultimate goal is to convince them to choose you as a candidate.
That means itâs important to tie your personal story to your reasons for applying to this specific school or scholarship. Finish your essay with a strong thesis.
For example, if your story is about overcoming your fear of public speaking, you might connect that story to your ambition of becoming a politician. You can then tie that to your application by saying, âI want to apply to this school because of its fantastic politics program, which will give me a perfect opportunity to use my voice.â
Tip 5: Write in Your Own Voice
The personal statement isnât supposed to be written in a formal tone. Thatâs why theyâre called âpersonalâ statements because you have to shape it to fit your own voice and style.
Donât use complicated or overwrought language. You donât need to fill your essay with semicolons and big words, unless thatâs how you sound in real life.
One way to write in your own voice is by speaking your personal statement out loud. If it doesnât feel natural, it may need changing.Â
Tip 6: Edit, Edit, Edit!
Itâs important to revise your personal statement multiple times in order to make sure itâs as close to perfect as possible.
A single typo wonât kill your application, but if your personal statement contains multiple spelling errors or egregious grammar mistakes, you wonât be putting your best foot forward.
ProWritingAid can help you make sure your personal statement is as clean as possible. In addition to catching your grammar errors, typos, and punctuation mistakes, it will also help you improve weaknesses in your writing, such as passive voice, unnecessary repetition, and more.
Letâs look at some of the best personal statements that have worked for successful candidates in the real world.Â
Harvard Personal Statement Example
Love. For a word describing such a powerful emotion, it is always in the air. The word âloveâ has become so pervasive in everyday conversation that it hardly retains its roots in blazing passion and deep adoration. In fact, the word is thrown about so much that it becomes difficult to believe society isnât just one huge, smitten party, with everyone holding hands and singing âKumbaya.â In films, itâs the teenage boyâs grudging response to a doting mother. At school, itâs a habitual farewell between friends. But in my Chinese home, itâs never uttered. Watching my grandmother lie unconscious on the hospital bed, waiting for her body to shut down, was excruciatingly painful. Her final quavering breaths formed a discordant rhythm with the steady beep of hospital equipment and the unsympathetic tapping hands of the clock. That evening, I whisperedâinto unhearing earsâthe first, and only, âI love youâ I ever said to her, my rankling guilt haunting me relentlessly for weeks after her passing. My warm confession seemed anticlimactic, met with only the coldness of my surroundingsâthe blank room, impassive doctors, and empty silence. I struggled to understand why the âloveâ that so easily rolled off my tongue when bantering with friends dissipated from my vocabulary when I spoke to my family. Do Chinese people simply love less than Americans do?
This is an excerpt from a personal statement that got the applicant admitted to Harvard University. The applicant discusses her background as a Chinese-American by musing on the word âloveâ and what that means within her family.
The writer uses vulnerable details about her relationship with her grandmother to give the reader an understanding of where she comes from and how her family has shaped her. Â
You can read the full personal statement on the Harvard Crimson website.
Tufts Personal Statement Example
My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarryâs âCars and Trucks and Things That Go,â and for some reason, I was absolutely obsessed with the idea of driving a giant pickle. Much to the discontent of my younger sister, I insisted that my parents read us that book as many nights as possible so we could find goldbug, a small little golden bug, on every page. I would imagine the wonderful life I would have: being a pig driving a giant pickle truck across the country, chasing and finding goldbug. I then moved on to wanting to be a Lego Master. Then an architect. Then a surgeon. Then I discovered a real goldbug: gold nanoparticles that can reprogram macrophages to assist in killing tumors, produce clear images of them without sacrificing the subject, and heat them to obliteration. Suddenly the destination of my pickle was clear. I quickly became enveloped by the world of nanomedicine; I scoured articles about liposomes, polymeric micelles, dendrimers, targeting ligands, and self-assembling nanoparticles, all conquering cancer in some exotic way. Completely absorbed, I set out to find a mentor to dive even deeper into these topics. After several rejections, I was immensely grateful to receive an invitation to work alongside Dr. Sangeeta Ray at Johns Hopkins.
This is the beginning of a personal statement by Renner Kwittken, who was admitted into Tufts University as a pre-medical student.
Renner uses a humorous anecdote about being a pickle truck driver to describe his love for nanomedicine and how he got involved in his field. You can feel his passion for medicine throughout his personal statement.
You can find Rennerâs full essay on the Tufts Admissions page.
Law School Personal Statement Essay Example
For most people, the slap on the face that turns their life around is figurative. Mine was literal. Actually, it was a punch delivered by a drill sergeant at Fort Dix, New Jersey, while I was in basic training. That dayâs activity, just a few weeks into the program, included instruction in âlow-crawling,â a sensible method of moving from one place to another on a battlefield. I felt rather clever for having discovered that, by looking right rather than down, I eliminated my helmetâs unfortunate tendency to dig into the ground and slow my progress. I could thus advance more easily, but I also exposed my unprotected face to hostile fire. Drill sergeants are typically very good at detecting this type of laziness, and mine was an excellent drill sergeant. So, after his repeated suggestions that I correct my performance went unheeded, he drove home his point with a fist to my face. We were both stunned. This was, after all, the New Army, and striking a trainee was a career-ending move for a drill sergeant, as we were both aware. I could have reported him; arguably, I should have. I didnât. It didnât seem right for this good sergeant, who had not slept for almost four days, to lose his career for losing his temper with my laziness. Choosing not to report him was the first decision I remember making that made me proud.
These are the first three paragraphs of an anonymous personal statement by a Wheaton College graduate, who used this personal statement to get into a top-25 law school.
This statement describes a time the applicant faced a challenging decision while in the army. He ended up making a decision he was proud of, and as a result, the personal statement gives us a sense of his character.
You can find the full essay on the Wheaton Academics website.
Here are some common questions about how to write a personal statement.
How Long Should a Personal Statement Be?
The length of your personal statement depends on the specific program youâre applying to. The application guidelines usually specify a maximum word count or an ideal word count. Â
Most personal statements are between 500â800 words. Thatâs a good general range to aim for if you donât have more specific guidelines. Â
Should Personal Statements Be Different for Scholarships?
Many scholarship applications will ask for personal statements with similar prompts to those of college applications.
However, the purpose of a personal statement youâd write for a scholarship application is different from the purpose of one youâd write for a college application.
For a scholarship application, your goal is to showcase why you deserve the scholarship. To do that, you need to understand the mission of the organization offering that scholarship.
For example, some scholarships are meant to help first-generation college students get their degree, while others are meant to help women break into STEM.
Consider the following questions:
Why is this organization offering scholarships?
What would their ideal scholarship candidate look like?
How do your experiences and goals overlap with those of their ideal scholarship candidate?
You can use the same personal anecdotes youâd use for any other personal statement, but youâll have a better chance of winning the scholarship if you tailor your essay to match their specific mission.
How to Start a Personal Statement
You should start your personal statement with a âhookâ that pulls the reader in. The sooner you catch the readerâs attention, the more likely theyâll want to read the entire essay.
Here are some examples of hooks you can use:
A story (e.g. When the spotlight hit my face, I tried to remind myself to breathe. )
A setting description (e.g. My bedroom floor is covered with dirty laundry, candy wrappers, and crumpled sheet music. )
A funny anecdote (e.g. When I was a little kid, my friends nicknamed me Mowgli because of my haircut. )
A surprising fact (e.g. I've lived in 37 countries .)
There you have itâour complete guide to writing a personal statement that will make you stand out to the application committee.
Hereâs a quick recap:Â
A personal statement is a short essay that shows an application committee who you are
Start with a strong hook that pulls the reader in
Tell a story to engage the readerÂ
Write in your own voice, not in a formal tone
Good luck, and happy writing!
Hannah Yang
Hannah is a speculative fiction writer who loves all things strange and surreal. She holds a BA from Yale University and lives in Colorado. When sheâs not busy writing, you can find her painting watercolors, playing her ukulele, or hiking in the Rockies. Follow her work on hannahyang.com or on Twitter at @hannahxyang.
Get started with ProWritingAid
Drop us a line or let's stay in touch via :
How To Write a Personal Statement That Stands Out
![example of strong personal statement How To Write a Personal Statement That Stands Out](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65c3a450c92c6b7354a3551d_65c3a31b933bad45c4b2e390_How%20to%20write%20a%20personal%20statement.webp)
Table of contents
![example of strong personal statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/63e3964f8c5a833b7cf791cb_IMG_20201124_203356_063.jpg)
Laura Jane Bradbury
A personal statement is a chance to highlight your unique qualities, skills, and experiences, all while showcasing your personality.
But whether you're applying for university, a job, or funding, it can be daunting to write about yourself. To increase your chances of getting accepted, it's important to know how to create an effective personal statement.
In my six years as a copywriter, Iâve written many personal statements that get results. In this article, Iâll guide you through what to include, what to avoid, and how to tailor a personal statement based on your application type.
Key Takeaways
- A personal statement is an opportunity to share your unique qualities, experiences, and skills.
- It should always relate to the course, job, or funding you are applying for.
- Include accomplishments and experiences that demonstrate how suited you are to the position or course you are applying for.
- Use clear and simple language to ensure your points are understood.
Your personal statement should be concise and demonstrate how you fit the position or opportunity youâre applying for. Itâs important to keep information relevant, rather than listing all of your skills and accomplishments.
Follow these steps to accurately write and tailor your statement.
Understand your prompt
Before you start, make sure you understand what's expected of you. Are there specific instructions, keywords, or phrases that stand out in your prompt? Read through it thoroughly and note the requirements. You can then brainstorm ideas for each point.
Let's say I'm applying for a university journalism course. I've been asked to write a statement that shares why I'm interested and why I would be a good fit. I can use columns to plan my content:
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65ae3dffba943aaeca108deb_34PLl3aaAJo7MMfTy2SZcW1IiB8XWC2UGeZwQi5cNLy8uFsPTQDmq5_vc2hbtoxescF6dVNkMr3YBimwquYaUp1E1TH3ozEgMupnZQ73oIgAjXRonvKZsGzxIok5ZcQf03q3klKqtualRZ_GWa-QX8I.png)
Putting your ideas together first makes it easier to stay on track. Otherwise, you might lose focus and include irrelevant information.Â
Show, don't just tell
Once youâve listed your experiences, skills, and accomplishments, consider how you can demonstrate them with examples. Take a look at the list you created during the previous exercise and organize your points so you have clear examples and proof.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65ae3e0a65086a5b559b3714__5mBHc1W-BItjHiPkweAOb1sOvGuw302cB-Xhv6DDJWX3aGj0xOkxb2yJlqwrx4M9_ShD4IxeC3A8asMNonZmq4beMfuZ1OoyP8JcNJekInL8rNhynZAVsq30xeeW3-GbJhSa89QY7zJGOSEhMe1yhg.png)
This technique helps you demonstrate your experiences and how they tie in with your application.
When telling anecdotes, use engaging stories that demonstrate your skills. For instance, a story about how I handled a fast-paced news internship proves I work well under pressure.Â
Start strong
Recruiters, application tutors, and funders read lots of personal statements. You can make yours stand out with an engaging introduction.
Examples of a strong opening include:
A meaningful statistic
This draws readers in and increases credibility:Â
"Communication is the key to marketing success, according to Business Marketing News. With five years of experience communicating and delivering campaigns to global clients, I have the skills and passion to add value to your team."
A personal story
Anecdotes connect the reader with the authorâs real-life experience:Â
"My first exposure to microbiology was during my time as a research assistant for a microbiologist. I was fascinated by the complex and intricate processes within cells."
An alarming statement
This piques the readerâs interest by making an issue seem urgent: Â
â The fashion industry churns out clothes at an alarming rate, causing mass production of synthetic fibers and harsh chemicals which have a detrimental impact on the planet. Funding my sustainability initiative is vital to mitigating this environmental impact."Â
Avoid cliches such as "From a young age, I have always loved...." and "For as long as I can remember, I have had a passion for..."
Pro tip: Use Wordtune Editor 's Shorten feature to cut unnecessary fluff and make your intro sharper. Simply type in your sentence and click Shorten to receive suggestions.
![example of strong personal statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65ae3eb3e00057e5d2ec2379_CZkFTacTxPNqkyzaM-MCu1zg0h68vC_ksxw_w_4jS_Ksfc_gKbXbIjwx8KFO58G1rYi1ECr1PUAvUt3-EJEd0l953sOAk_SPUbixkLbb5wyVhU4m7UfoKk5peVIgii06UeY0M6YSYN-SDvDFjMbh3Rs.png)
Get Wordtune for free > Get Wordtune for free >
Admission committees and employers appreciate sincerity and authenticity. While it may be tempting, avoid exaggeration. You can better emphasize your skills and personality by being honest. For instance, rather than claiming I read every type of newspaper in my journalism application, I can focus on my dedication to reading The New York Times.
Your writing style should also feel genuine. Instead of trying to impress with complex language and fancy words, keep sentences simple and direct . This makes them more effective because theyâre easier to read.Â
Address weaknesses
Addressing weaknesses can show your willingness to confront challenges. It also gives you a chance to share efforts you have made for improvement. When explaining a weakness, exclude excuses.
Instead of saying "I didn't achieve my expected grades due to work commitments impacting my studies," try âWhile I didn't achieve my expected grades, I am now working with a tutor to help me understand my weak areas so I can succeed in your program.â
Wordtuneâs Spices feature can help you develop counterarguments to weaknesses. In the Editor, highlight your text, click on Spices, and then Counterargument . Hereâs an example:
![example of strong personal statement Wordtune Editorâs Spices feature can provide a counterargument to help you address weaknesses in a personal statement.](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65ae3ed07bc37e65912222ca_oW1DBwb2hKDLh3CiZiM5631tK3gJfgSbnER-tqUbkQYmikZTkZe1d4lCiSAdlFaNd_QXMJoQlWfNnUqTh30AqLEevU4q5QHWfOlIR10DJcKUyu4YP2IUsGWp7Jhx59poutjTNBEGiSdEk7RRFjLi6zE.png)
Using Wordtuneâs suggestion, I can highlight my eagerness to learn and provide examples to support my argument.
Highlight achievements
This is your chance to shine! A personal statement should highlight your best qualities â provided they relate to your prompt.
Ask yourself:
- What are your skills and strengths? Identify both academic and non-academic abilities such as critical thinking, problem-solving, and teamwork.
- What challenges have you faced? Reflect on how you have overcome significant challenges and how these experiences have helped you grow. For example, completing a course, learning a new language, or starting a business.
- What are your unique selling points? Consider what sets you apart from other applicants. For example, you may have a unique set of technical skills or experience learning in a different country.
- How have your achievements shaped your goals and aspirations? Sharing your goals shows that you think long-term and have taken the time to make sure youâre applying for the right opportunity.
Connect with the institution or company
Tailor your statement to the specific institution or company you're applying to â this shows you understand their values and have carefully considered where you want to seek opportunities.
To do this, head to the company or institutionâs website and look for the About page. Many organizations include a mission statement on this page that conveys its purpose and values.
![example of strong personal statement Princeton Universityâs âIn service of humanityâ page highlights that they value supporting society and giving back.](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65ae3efd050292df9dc6f9b8_kjwKouUOa5wgkJdAx0BvvI80hRm277cKmsfIWXpB4WRUHzKfvEHM3vlt1SfaccRU6mpgpvJJsq8topOY08oE6LIDvY6rCPEgDzLTg9PxTfC67FtGL4P-jicC8ACdM3Ha_GsmMLihN1BkmU8RhQoe9lo.png)
For example, universities often include their values under âCommunityâ or âStudent Lifeâ sections. Here, Princeton Universityâs âIn Service of Humanityâ section highlights how they value using education to benefit society. Applicants can engage with this by explaining how they interact with their communities and seek to use their education to help others.
You can also research a company or institutionâs social media. Look for similarities â maybe you both prioritize collaboration or think outside the box. Draw upon this in your personal statement.Â
End with a strong conclusion
A strong conclusion is clear, concise, and leaves a lasting impression. Use these three steps:
- Summarize the main points of your statement. For example, âMy experience volunteering for the school newspaper, along with my communication skills and enthusiasm for writing, make me an ideal student for your university."
- Discuss your future . Share your future ambitions to remind the reader that youâve carefully considered how the opportunity fits into your plans.
- Include a closing statement. End on a positive note and offer the reader a final explanation for why you would be a great match. For instance, âThank you for reviewing my statement. I am confident my skills and experience align with the role and your company culture.â
Tip: Learn more about writing an effective conclusion with our handy guide .
Different types of personal statements
Now you know how to write a personal statement, letâs look at what to focus on depending on your application type.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/65ae3f3a1732875dfe790eda_twmhppQQpfZOCNpkEyxbVHS0J0Ig_zHnAXc1iFWJ7_tgjsj3cZ9w1n6FpjckU2EcvyHXSHJKYaIuvpIMdCelQGcsPP3BlvwAGoDLGdalRvkzAulaApiOGSVGG89KuMyMPbJVXcmQCV4qnnhEp7WU33w.png)
The length of your personal statement will vary depending on the type. Generally, it should be around 500 words to 650 words . However, a university application is often longer than a statement for a job, so itâs vital to determine what is expected of you from the beginning.
Whatever the length, itâs important to remove and edit content fluff , including any repetition or copy that does not relate to your prompt.
Personal statement checklist
Use this checklist to ensure that your statement includes:
- An engaging introduction.
- Clear examples of your experiences, skills, and expertise.
- A commitment to improvement, if required.
- Any applicable achievements.
- A direct connection to the company or institution’s values.
- A strong conclusion that summarizes information without adding new content.
- Authentic, simple language.
Personal statements are an opportunity to delve deeper and share who you are beyond your grades or resume experience. Demonstrate your ability with anecdotes and examples, address any weaknesses, and remember to use genuine and simple language. This is your place to shine, so follow our tips while displaying your unique personality, and youâll be sure to stand out from the crowd.
Want to get started and create a powerful introduction? Read our step-by-step guide .
What is the difference between a cover letter and a personal statement?
A cover letter expresses your interest in a position and introduces you to an employer. Itâs typically shorter and focuses on your qualifications, skills, and experience for a particular role. A personal statement, however, is common for a job, internship, funding, or university application. It explores your background, goals, and aspirations, as well as your skills and experience.
What is the purpose of a personal statement?
A personal statement is an opportunity to stand out by detailing your background, experiences, and aspirations. It should explain why you are interested in and a good match for the company or institution you are applying to.
Share This Article:
![example of strong personal statement 8 Tips for E-commerce Copywriting Success (with Examples!)](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/66841098c16c735c00fc124f_E-commerce%20copywriting%20(with%20help%20from%20AI)%20(1).webp)
8 Tips for E-commerce Copywriting Success (with Examples!)
![example of strong personal statement The Brand Strategy Deck You Need to Drive Social Media Results + 5 Examples](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/6682781eb80a6a5901c90215_The%20Brand%20Strategy%20Deck%20You%20NEED%20to%20Drive%20Social%20Media%20Results%20%2B%205%20Examples%20(1).webp)
The Brand Strategy Deck You Need to Drive Social Media Results + 5 Examples
![example of strong personal statement Grammarly Alternatives: Which Writing Assistant is the Best Choice for You?](https://cdn.prod.website-files.com/5f7ece8a7da656e8a25402bc/667ae4c95c39691164ba2246_Best%20Grammarly%20Alternatives.webp)
Grammarly Alternatives: Which Writing Assistant is the Best Choice for You?
Looking for fresh content, thank you your submission has been received.
What are your chances of acceptance?
Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.
Your chancing factors
Extracurriculars.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://blog.collegevine.com/wp-content/uploads/gravatar/wordpress.jpg)
10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked
Whatâs covered:, what is a personal statement.
- Essay 1: Summer Program
- Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
- Essay 3: Why Medicine
- Essay 4: Love of Writing
- Essay 5: Starting a Fire
- Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
- Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
- Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
- Essay 9: Eritrea
- Essay 10: Journaling
- Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?
Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.
In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!
Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isnât genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized.Â
Personal Statement Examples
Essay example #1: exchange program.
The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host familyâs house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.
As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life ââ you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parentsâ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight Aâs, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parentsâ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.
I missed my dadâs close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parentsâ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.
I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didnât know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasnât being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host familyâs rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.
As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parentsâ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didnât mean that I didnât still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. Itâs still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesnât mean itâs not important.
What the Essay Did Well
This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesnât focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this studentâs independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.
The ideas in this essay are universal to growing upâliving up to parentsâ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with realityâbut it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally.Â
Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like â I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, â and â I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesnât mean itâs not important. â These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.
What Could Be Improved
The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read.Â
For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: â I pushed myself to get straight Aâs, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.â They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: â My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parentsâ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.â
If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great.Â
Table of Contents
Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American
Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.
Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable â prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncleâs renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words Iâd never heard before.
Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside â painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.Â
As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced â everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.
Iâd never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways â pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my communityâs daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride â a perspective I never expected to have.
I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulvedaâs office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.
This studentâs passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day.Â
The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the studentâs view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.
This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the authorâs points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity. Â
One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day?Â
A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture.Â
Essay Example #3: Why Medicine
I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each otherâs lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching âFriends.â During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.
The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRFâs Childrenâs Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding â I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.
Hearing from the parents about their childrenâs condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement â I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone elseâs life through my research.
Annaâs diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that itâs no coincidence that I want to study brainsâafter all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything Iâve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patientsâ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.
This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesnât always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality.Â
This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.
Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousinâs passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration.Â
One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesnât fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.
To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars.Â
Essay Example #4: Love of Writing
âI want to be a writer.â This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at âAuthor of the Monthâ ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacherâs assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.
Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldnât make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.
Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the teamâs winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.
Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think âwritingâ meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.
This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this studentâs life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.
Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like â When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines â stand out because of the intentional use of words like âlyricalâ, âprofoundâ, and âthrillingâ to convey the studentâs love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readersâ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying â I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block â to describe feeling nervous.
This essay is already very strong, so there isnât much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.
It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like â UmâŠI want to interview you aboutâŠuhâŠâ. They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.
Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire
Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug sprayâI wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire.Â
Furiously I rubbed the twigs togetherârubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teethâold, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family.Â
Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt.Â
âWhereâs the fire, Princess Clara?â they taunted. âHaving some trouble?â They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.Â
In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since Iâd kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, Iâd practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musicianâfleshy and sensitive. And Iâd gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldnât remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformationâhe disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him.Â
Yet, I realized I hadnât really changedâI had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. Iâd grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses.Â
That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumpedâit helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldnât start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smokedâmy hands burned from all that scrawlingâand even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparkingâI was on fire, always on fire.
This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like âa rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,â and ârubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,â create vivid images that draw the reader in.Â
The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: âIt had been years since Iâd kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, Iâd practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musicianâfleshy and sensitive.â
In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction âFire!â and ends with the following image: âWhen the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smokedâmy hands burned from all that scrawlingâand even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparkingâI was on fire, always on fire.â This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.
There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, donât put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.
Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track
âGetting beat is one thing â itâs part of competing â but I want no part in losing.â Coach Rob Starkâs motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. Iâve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.
Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.
Our school districtâs board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.
They didnât bite.Â
Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that Iâm passionate about.
Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you canât think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: Iâve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, ârunners setâ in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin.Â
The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board membersâ expressions and the audienceâs thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasnât enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a âregularâ â I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.
Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didnât lose, and that would have made Stark proud.
This essay effectively conveys this studentâs compassion for others, initiative, and determinationâall great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!
Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this studentâs passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.
The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying â I now know that what Stark actually meant isâŠâ they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose.Â
One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Starkâs impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.
The writer couldâve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Starkâs qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they couldâve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldnât afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did thatâseveral times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how heâd changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.
Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
I press the âdiscoverâ button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a âperfect bodyâ relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the imageâs unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.
I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an âidealâ image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to âperfectâ others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.
When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.
By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friendsâ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called âperfectâ and âbody goals,â so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my âlikes.â When that didnât work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all. Â
Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people â men, women, children, and adults â every day. I am lucky â after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today Iâm not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not âperfection.â After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?
This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If youâre thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?
The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, itâs important to focus on what you learned from the experience.
The strength of this essay is the studentâs vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called âperfectâ and âbody goals,â so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my âlikes.â
The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and theyâre now helping others find their self-worth as well. Itâs great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writerâs goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.
The main weakness of this essay is that it doesnât focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They couldâve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions theyâve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.
Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach
âAdvanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.â Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.
Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.
Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldnât understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.
Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.
I first approached the adults in the dojang â both instructors and membersâ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldnât devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.
At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.
Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their childrenâs coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.
Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldnât let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojangâs longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.
Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.
Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.
This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writerâs emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.
Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.
The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.
The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she âemerged with new knowledge and confidence,â she âgrew unsure of her own abilities,â and she ârefused to give upâ. What we really want to know is what this looks like.
Instead of saying she âemerged with new knowledge and confidenceâ she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she âgrew unsure of her own abilitiesâ she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what ârefusing to give upâ looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents.Â
Essay Example #9: Eritrea
No one knows where Eritrea is.
On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?
I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. âEritrea,â I answer promptly and proudly. But I am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask âwhere is that,â I elaborate, perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, âEast Africa, near Ethiopia.â
Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have ânever had a student from there!â Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, âYou didnât even know it existed until two minutes ago!â
Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient streets â the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells. Originally part of the worldâs first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.
But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books borrowed from the library.
No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is. No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic â still covered in dirt â that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted dunes. No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother, her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes). Itâs impossible to learn when the injera is ready â the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal lineages.
There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michaelâs; no films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus Yohannes, as excited children chant Geâez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time. You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells. I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding against the Toyotaâs window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 oâclock each dayâŠ
I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed aâabaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero . I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mitâmtâa âŠ
This knowledge is intrinsic. âI am Eritrean,â I repeat. âI am proud.â Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.
Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential. Eritrea isnât a place, itâs an identity.
This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this studentâs culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader.Â
The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmotherâs kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.
Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.
Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this studentâs heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay.Â
There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.
Essay Example #10: Journaling
Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.
I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.
âI want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in itâ â October 2008
Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt âMy Hopes and Dreamsâ captures my attention. Though âmachineâ is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.
âI wish I had infinite sunsetsâ â July 2019
I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.
With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.
âThe beauty in a tower of cansâ â June 2020
Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.
With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.
I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, âAnd so begins the next chapterâŠâ
The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journalsâand unique formatting of the quotesâto signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.
Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.
At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!
Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as itâs written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the authorâs shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.
Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited
Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. Thatâs why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other studentsâ essays.Â
If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!
Next Step: Supplemental Essays
Essay Guides for Each School
How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay
4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay
How to Write the âWhy This Collegeâ Essay
Related CollegeVine Blog Posts
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://blog.collegevine.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Coca-Cola-Scholars-Program_t580-150x150.jpg)
Have a language expert improve your writing
Run a free plagiarism check in 10 minutes, generate accurate citations for free.
- Knowledge Base
- Applying to graduate school
- How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples
How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples
Published on February 12, 2019 by Shona McCombes . Revised on July 3, 2023.
A personal statement is a short essay of around 500â1,000 words, in which you tell a compelling story about who you are, what drives you, and why youâre applying.
To write a successful personal statement for a graduate school application , don’t just summarize your experience; instead, craft a focused narrative in your own voice. Aim to demonstrate three things:
- Your personality: what are your interests, values, and motivations?
- Your talents: what can you bring to the program?
- Your goals: what do you hope the program will do for you?
This article guides you through some winning strategies to build a strong, well-structured personal statement for a master’s or PhD application. You can download the full examples below.
Urban Planning Psychology History
Table of contents
Getting started with your personal statement, the introduction: start with an attention-grabbing opening, the main body: craft your narrative, the conclusion: look ahead, revising, editing, and proofreading your personal statement, frequently asked questions, other interesting articles.
Before you start writing, the first step is to understand exactly whatâs expected of you. If the application gives you a question or prompt for your personal statement, the most important thing is to respond to it directly.
For example, you might be asked to focus on the development of your personal identity; challenges you have faced in your life; or your career motivations. This will shape your focus and emphasisâbut you still need to find your own unique approach to answering it.
Thereâs no universal template for a personal statement; itâs your chance to be creative and let your own voice shine through. But there are strategies you can use to build a compelling, well-structured story.
The first paragraph of your personal statement should set the tone and lead smoothly into the story you want to tell.
Strategy 1: Open with a concrete scene
An effective way to catch the readerâs attention is to set up a scene that illustrates something about your character and interests. If youâre stuck, try thinking about:
- A personal experience that changed your perspective
- A story from your familyâs history
- A memorable teacher or learning experience
- An unusual or unexpected encounter
To write an effective scene, try to go beyond straightforward description; start with an intriguing sentence that pulls the reader in, and give concrete details to create a convincing atmosphere.
Strategy 2: Open with your motivations
To emphasize your enthusiasm and commitment, you can start by explaining your interest in the subject you want to study or the career path you want to follow.
Just stating that it interests you isnât enough: first, you need to figure out why youâre interested in this field:
- Is it a longstanding passion or a recent discovery?
- Does it come naturally or have you had to work hard at it?
- How does it fit into the rest of your life?
- What do you think it contributes to society?
Tips for the introduction
- Donât start on a cliche: avoid phrases like âEver since I was a childâŠâ or âFor as long as I can rememberâŠâ
- Do save the introduction for last. If youâre struggling to come up with a strong opening, leave it aside, and note down any interesting ideas that occur to you as you write the rest of the personal statement.
Once youâve set up the main themes of your personal statement, youâll delve into more detail about your experiences and motivations.
To structure the body of your personal statement, there are various strategies you can use.
Strategy 1: Describe your development over time
One of the simplest strategies is to give a chronological overview of key experiences that have led you to apply for graduate school.
- What first sparked your interest in the field?
- Which classes, assignments, classmates, internships, or other activities helped you develop your knowledge and skills?
- Where do you want to go next? How does this program fit into your future plans?
Donât try to include absolutely everything youâve doneâpick out highlights that are relevant to your application. Aim to craft a compelling narrative that shows how youâve changed and actively developed yourself.
My interest in psychology was first sparked early in my high school career. Though somewhat scientifically inclined, I found that what interested me most was not the equations we learned about in physics and chemistry, but the motivations and perceptions of my fellow students, and the subtle social dynamics that I observed inside and outside the classroom. I wanted to learn how our identities, beliefs, and behaviours are shaped through our interactions with others, so I decided to major in Social Psychology. My undergraduate studies deepened my understanding of, and fascination with, the interplay between an individual mind and its social context.During my studies, I acquired a solid foundation of knowledge about concepts like social influence and group dynamics, but I also took classes on various topics not strictly related to my major. I was particularly interested in how other fields intersect with psychologyâthe classes I took on media studies, biology, and literature all enhanced my understanding of psychological concepts by providing different lenses through which to look at the issues involved.
Strategy 2: Own your challenges and obstacles
If your path to graduate school hasnât been easy or straightforward, you can turn this into a strength, and structure your personal statement as a story of overcoming obstacles.
- Is your social, cultural or economic background underrepresented in the field? Show how your experiences will contribute a unique perspective.
- Do you have gaps in your resume or lower-than-ideal grades? Explain the challenges you faced and how you dealt with them.
Donât focus too heavily on negatives, but use them to highlight your positive qualities. Resilience, resourcefulness and perseverance make you a promising graduate school candidate.
Growing up working class, urban decay becomes depressingly familiar. The sight of a row of abandoned houses does not surprise me, but it continues to bother me. Since high school, I have been determined to pursue a career in urban planning. While people of my background experience the consequences of urban planning decisions first-hand, we are underrepresented in the field itself. Ironically, given my motivation, my economic background has made my studies challenging. I was fortunate enough to be awarded a scholarship for my undergraduate studies, but after graduation I took jobs in unrelated fields to help support my parents. In the three years since, I have not lost my ambition. Now I am keen to resume my studies, and I believe I can bring an invaluable perspective to the table: that of the people most impacted by the decisions of urban planners.
Strategy 3: Demonstrate your knowledge of the field
Especially if youâre applying for a PhD or another research-focused program, itâs a good idea to show your familiarity with the subject and the department. Your personal statement can focus on the area you want to specialize in and reflect on why it matters to you.
- Reflect on the topics or themes that youâve focused on in your studies. What draws you to them?
- Discuss any academic achievements, influential teachers, or other highlights of your education.
- Talk about the questions youâd like to explore in your research and why you think theyâre important.
The personal statement isnât a research proposal , so donât go overboard on detailâbut itâs a great opportunity to show your enthusiasm for the field and your capacity for original thinking.
In applying for this research program, my intention is to build on the multidisciplinary approach I have taken in my studies so far, combining knowledge from disparate fields of study to better understand psychological concepts and issues. The Media Psychology program stands out to me as the perfect environment for this kind of research, given its researchersâ openness to collaboration across diverse fields. I am impressed by the department’s innovative interdisciplinary projects that focus on the shifting landscape of media and technology, and I hope that my own work can follow a similarly trailblazing approach. More specifically, I want to develop my understanding of the intersection of psychology and media studies, and explore how media psychology theories and methods might be applied to neurodivergent minds. I am interested not only in media psychology but also in psychological disorders, and how the two interact. This is something I touched on during my undergraduate studies and that Iâm excited to delve into further.
Strategy 4: Discuss your professional ambitions
Especially if youâre applying for a more professionally-oriented program (such as an MBA), itâs a good idea to focus on concrete goals and how the program will help you achieve them.
- If your career is just getting started, show how your character is suited to the field, and explain how graduate school will help you develop your talents.
- If you have already worked in the profession, show what youâve achieved so far, and explain how the program will allow you to take the next step.
- If you are planning a career change, explain what has driven this decision and how your existing experience will help you succeed.
Donât just state the position you want to achieve. You should demonstrate that youâve put plenty of thought into your career plans and show why youâre well-suited to this profession.
One thing that fascinated me about the field during my undergraduate studies was the sheer number of different elements whose interactions constitute a personâs experience of an urban environment. Any number of factors could transform the scene I described at the beginning: What if there were no bus route? Better community outreach in the neighborhood? Worse law enforcement? More or fewer jobs available in the area? Some of these factors are out of the hands of an urban planner, but without taking them all into consideration, the planner has an incomplete picture of their task. Through further study I hope to develop my understanding of how these disparate elements combine and interact to create the urban environment. I am interested in the social, psychological and political effects our surroundings have on our lives. My studies will allow me to work on projects directly affecting the kinds of working-class urban communities I know well. I believe I can bring my own experiences, as well as my education, to bear upon the problem of improving infrastructure and quality of life in these communities.
Tips for the main body
- Donât rehash your resume by trying to summarize everything youâve done so far; the personal statement isnât about listing your academic or professional experience, but about reflecting, evaluating, and relating it to broader themes.
- Do make your statements into stories: Instead of saying youâre hard-working and self-motivated, write about your internship where you took the initiative to start a new project. Instead of saying youâve always loved reading, reflect on a novel or poem that changed your perspective.
Your conclusion should bring the focus back to the program and what you hope to get out of it, whether thatâs developing practical skills, exploring intellectual questions, or both.
Emphasize the fit with your specific interests, showing why this program would be the best way to achieve your aims.
Strategy 1: What do you want to know?
If youâre applying for a more academic or research-focused program, end on a note of curiosity: what do you hope to learn, and why do you think this is the best place to learn it?
If there are specific classes or faculty members that youâre excited to learn from, this is the place to express your enthusiasm.
Strategy 2: What do you want to do?
If youâre applying for a program that focuses more on professional training, your conclusion can look to your career aspirations: what role do you want to play in society, and why is this program the best choice to help you get there?
Tips for the conclusion
- Donât summarize what youâve already said. You have limited space in a personal statement, so use it wisely!
- Do think bigger than yourself: try to express how your individual aspirations relate to your local community, your academic field, or society more broadly. Itâs not just about what youâll get out of graduate school, but about what youâll be able to give back.
Youâll be expected to do a lot of writing in graduate school, so make a good first impression: leave yourself plenty of time to revise and polish the text.
Your style doesnât have to be as formal as other kinds of academic writing, but it should be clear, direct and coherent. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly from the last, using topic sentences and transitions to create clear connections between each part.
Donât be afraid to rewrite and restructure as much as necessary. Since you have a lot of freedom in the structure of a personal statement, you can experiment and move information around to see what works best.
Finally, itâs essential to carefully proofread your personal statement and fix any language errors. Before you submit your application, consider investing in professional personal statement editing . For $150, you have the peace of mind that your personal statement is grammatically correct, strong in term of your arguments, and free of awkward mistakes.
A statement of purpose is usually more formal, focusing on your academic or professional goals. It shouldn’t include anything that isnât directly relevant to the application.
A personal statement can often be more creative. It might tell a story that isn’t directly related to the application, but that shows something about your personality, values, and motivations.
However, both types of document have the same overall goal: to demonstrate your potential as a graduate student and s how why you’re a great match for the program.
The typical length of a personal statement for graduate school applications is between 500 and 1,000 words.
Different programs have different requirements, so always check if there’s a minimum or maximum length and stick to the guidelines. If there is no recommended word count, aim for no more than 1-2 pages.
If you’re applying to multiple graduate school programs, you should tailor your personal statement to each application.
Some applications provide a prompt or question. In this case, you might have to write a new personal statement from scratch: the most important task is to respond to what you have been asked.
If there’s no prompt or guidelines, you can re-use the same idea for your personal statement â but change the details wherever relevant, making sure to emphasize why you’re applying to this specific program.
If the application also includes other essays, such as a statement of purpose , you might have to revise your personal statement to avoid repeating the same information.
If you want to know more about college essays , academic writing , and AI tools , make sure to check out some of our other language articles with explanations, examples, and quizzes.
College essays
- College essay examples
- College essay format
- College essay style
- College essay length
- Diversity essays
- Scholarship essays
Academic writing
- Writing process
- Avoiding repetition
- Literature review
- Conceptual framework
- Dissertation outline
- Thesis acknowledgements
- Burned or burnt
- Canceled or cancelled
- Dreamt or dreamed
- Gray or grey
- Theater vs theatre
Cite this Scribbr article
If you want to cite this source, you can copy and paste the citation or click the âCite this Scribbr articleâ button to automatically add the citation to our free Citation Generator.
McCombes, S. (2023, July 03). How to Write Your Personal Statement | Strategies & Examples. Scribbr. Retrieved July 27, 2024, from https://www.scribbr.com/graduate-school/personal-statement/
Is this article helpful?
Shona McCombes
Other students also liked, how to write a graduate school resume | template & example, how (and who) to ask for a letter of recommendation, master's vs phd | a complete guide to the differences, get unlimited documents corrected.
â Free APA citation check included â Unlimited document corrections â Specialized in correcting academic texts
![example of strong personal statement College Advisor logo](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/themes/college-advisor/assets/images/ca-logo-blue.png)
How to Write a Personal Statement – 5 Personal Statement Examples
![example of strong personal statement Avatar photo](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/CA-circle-blue-highres-42x42.png)
How to write a personal statement? â Introduction
The personal statement is one of the most important parts of the college application process. For this reason, itâs often also one of the most anxiety-inducing. If you’ve been searching for personal statement examples because writing your personal statement has you worried (or excited), then youâre in the right place.
In this article, weâll present five personal statement examples and teach you how to write a personal statement that highlights who you are and demonstrates your full potential to colleges. Weâre going to outline what a personal statement is, how colleges use them in the application process, and which topics tend to work best for college applicants. Then, weâll offer some advice and tools to help you draft, edit, and finalize your own personal statement. Finally, weâll walk you through five personal essay examples, breaking them down individually, so you can see just what makes them work.
Writing a personal statement may seem like a daunting task, especially if you arenât clear on just exactly what a personal statement for college is. After you see your first personal statement example, things may seem clearer. But first, letâs demystify the term âpersonal statement.â
What is a personal statement?
Learning how to write a personal statement starts with understanding the term . Iâm sure throughout the college application process youâve heard your counselors, teachers, and classmates talking about the importance of a personal statement. While you may know that the personal statement for a university is extremely important, you still might not be clear on just what it is. You may have never even seen a personal statement example. So, before you attempt to start writing , letâs answer the questions: what is a personal statement for college? And just how do universities use them to evaluate students?
A personal statement for college is your chance to set yourself apart from other students and show admissions who you are. A strong personal statement for a university will describe your unique experiences and background in a first-person narrative. And when done well, itâs your opportunity to catch the right attention of an admission officer.
No pressure, right? Donât stress quite yet. The process of writing a personal statement can be fun! Itâs an opportunity to write about something youâre passionate about. Youâll be able to see a personal statement example later on (five, actually!), and youâll notice that itâs not about the perfect topic , but rather, how you tell your story.
Personal statement basics
Now, letâs talk about personal essay specifics. Generally speaking, a personal statement will be between 400-700 words, depending on the specific university guidelines or application portal. The Common App essay must be 250-650 words. The Coalition App , by contrast, suggests that students write 500-650 words. Try to aim for the higher end of those ranges, as youâll be hard pressed to write a compelling personal statement without enticing descriptions.
Apart from the word count, whatâs the personal statement format? The personal statement for a university should be written in a first-person conventional prose format. You may be a wonderful poet or fiction writer but refrain from using those styles in your personal statement. While using those styles in a personal essay could occasionally be a hit with admissions, itâs best to showcase that style of writing elsewhere. If you choose to add your creative writing style to your application, you should do so by submitting a writing portfolio. Generally speaking, the strongest personal statement will be written in first-person prose language.
General or prompted
When it comes to a personal statement for college, it will generally fall into one of two categories : general, comprehensive personal statement, or a response to a very specific personal essay prompt. In the open-ended option, youâll want to share a story about something important related to your life. This could be about family, experiences, academics, or extracurriculars . Just be careful not to repeat your entire resume. Thatâs certainly not the goal of a personal essay.
Remember, itâs a personal statement. So, share something that you havenât elsewhere. If given a prompt, it will likely be open-ended so that you can flex your creativity and show off your writing style. Youâll be able to write a story that genuinely matters to you, ideally sharing something that has made you who you are.
You may also need a personal statement when applying to certain programs, such as business or STEM programs. The basic idea is the same, but youâll want to connect your experiences to the specific program. Check out the details of writing a personal statement for a specific field .
That extra push
The college application process can seem rigid at times; the personal statement for college is your chance to show off in a way that has nothing to do with GPA or transcripts. The personal statement is an opportunity for colleges to meet students on their own terms. Itâs essentially your written interview .
At top universities, many students will have similar grades and test scores. A strong personal statement gives students the chance to stand out and show that theyâre more than just numbers on a transcript. Whatâs the extra push that an admissions officer may need to admit a qualified student? A well-written, compelling personal statement can help you gain admittance to competitive schools .
Having a support system throughout the college admissions process is important. Keep your parents in the loop with this personal statement webinar that offers details about the common app essay and the personal essay for college.
You are probably wondering the same things as other students about the college application essay or college essay tips. Read an admissions officerâs response to some FAQs and get some useful college essay tips. Then, put your college admissions knowledge to the test with our quiz below!
![example of strong personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/quizthumbnail_rev-1024x576.png)
The CommonApp Essay vs. The Personal Statement
![example of strong personal statement common app essay](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-1-1024x683.jpg)
So, weâve discussed what a personal statement is and why it matters. Now, letâs discuss one common type of personal statement: the Common App essay. While each school may have their own personal statement topics, the Common App essay section has general prompts that will serve as your personal statement. The Common App essay will respond to one of seven prompts.
For the most up-to-date information on the Common App essay, you can check their website .
Common App Essay Questions for 2022-2023:
- Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
- The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
- Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
- Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?
- Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
- Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?
- Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.
Open-ended prompts
The Common App essay personal statement prompts are intentionally open-ended. They are meant to give you the chance to tell your unique story . However, one requirement is that your Common App essay must be between 250-650 words.
You can choose to respond to any one of the seven prompts. Remember to choose the best prompt for you. It may seem obvious, but the personal statement for college is your opportunity to share your personal story. Youâll want to choose a topic you can write well about that will show how youâve grown or changed. Itâs also your opportunity to show off your writing style. So, pick a topic you enjoy writing about!
Check out some tips on how to tackle each prompt from the Common App essay blog. You may also want to read this Common App essay overview for juniors . Weâll get into more specific details later on how to write the Common App essayâ and other personal statement topics in generalâ later in this article.
How important is a Personal Statement?
As weâve mentioned, the personal statement is your chance to stand out in a pool of applicants. Itâs an extremely important part of any college application. A personal statement for college will be a requirement of nearly every application you complete. Admissions will use your personal statement to get a sense of who you are beyond your grades and scores. So, if you want to show colleges what makes you unique, your personal statement is the place to do it. Figuring out how to write a personal statement is key to a successful application.
Seeing what works when it comes to your personal statement for university can be a helpful first step. U.S. News breaks down the process of writing a personal statement and gives some successful personal essay examples. Reading another studentâs successful personal statement example will give you an idea of what impresses admissions. It may even get you excited about writing your own personal statement for college!
While every school will likely require some sort of personal statement, it may actually be used differently in the admissions process. How your personal statement is judged during the admissions process will depend on a schoolâs size, ranking, acceptance rate , and various other factors. Larger state schools will likely put the most importance on an applicantâs grades and scores while spending little time reviewing a studentâs personal statement.
Especially important at top tier schools
However, at Ivy League schools and other elite institutions, many students have the same impressive grades, scores, and extracurriculars. The personal statement allows these schools to distinguish between high-achieving students. If youâre looking at these types of institutions, then a lot of importance should be placed on writing a personal statement that is unforgettable and impresses admissions.
So, we know that learning how to write a personal statement is key to many successful applications, but you may be thinking: whatâs the difference between a personal statement and supplemental essays? Every school you apply to via the Common App will receive an identical copy of your Common App essay. The Common App essay serves as your personal statement.
However, each school will have their own supplemental requirements, which may include additional supplemental essays . For schools with many supplemental college essay prompts, your personal essay may not have as much of an impact on your overall application. Admissions officers will see your writing style, and likely your personality, in all of the college essay prompts you submit.
Additional personal statements
Still, you should always treat your personal essay with the utmost care. It can make a huge difference in the admissions process. You may also need to write other personal statements when applying to scholarships or specific programs . Itâs good to get used to the process and the personal statement format during college application season.
When should I start writing my Personal Statement?
When it comes to all things in the college application process, including any college application essay, itâs best to start early . Donât leave your personal statement for a university until the last moment. Writing a personal statement will take time. The sooner you start your personal statement for college, the more likely you are to succeed.
![example of strong personal statement how to start a personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-4-1024x683.jpg)
This doesnât mean that you should start writing your personal statement for university the summer before your sophomore year. High school is a time for development, and colleges want to get to know you at your most mature. Itâs just good practice to start thinking about how to write a personal statement early on.
Review personal statement examples
Think about personal statement format, personal statement topics, and personal statement ideas. Look at other studentsâ personal statement examples. You can start jotting down potential ideas for your personal essay for college at any time, which may be useful down the line. But, you donât need to actually start writing your personal statement until the summer before your senior year .
Be open-minded to changing your personal statement topic as you grow and discover new things about yourself. Check out this personal statement webinar on how one student switched her personal essay for college at the last moment. Just like there is no set personal statement format, there are no rules against mixing up your topic as you see fit. But, at least try to allow yourself some time to revise and edit your personal essay for college to perfection.
What do I write in a personal statement?
Thereâs no one-size-fits-all outline when it comes to how to write a personal statement. Your personal statement for university will depend on your own background, interests, and character. Overall, itâs not the personal statement topics that will catch the eye of admissions officersâ itâs how you write your story that will. You need to know how to write a personal statement that not only checks the boxes but is also powerful .
![example of strong personal statement how to write a personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/personal-statement-examples-5-edited-scaled.jpg)
Important things to keep in mind when writing your personal statement:
Choose a topic youâre passionate about.
What would you be excited to write about? Chase the personal statement topics that seem fun to write, think about, and talk about. If youâre passionate about your personal statement, your audience will feel it and be engaged.
Really be you
Authenticity is key when it comes to writing a personal statement. After all, itâs your chance to tell your story and really show admissions who you are. Whatever you write about, make sure it is true, honest, and authentic to your experiences.
Give it some flair
Ok, we donât mean do something too unconventional like a personal statement haiku. But, you should show off your writing style in your personal statement for college. Admissions officers want to get to know you and your writing.
Knowing how to start a personal statement or how to start a college essay, in general, is often the most difficult part of the process. Youâll want to brainstorm some personal statement topics to get your creative juices flowing. CollegeAdvisor.com offers a masterclass on brainstorming personal statement topics for the Common App essay in case you need some help with how to start a college essay or a personal statement.
Still have doubts? Read more on how to write a personal statement and get some college essay tips from CollegeAdvisor.comâs admissions experts. It will also be helpful to look at some successful personal essay examples and understand why they worked . Good personal statement examples can inspire you to tackle writing your own personal essay for college.
Exploring Personal Statement Topics
It seems logical that when exploring the process of how to write a personal statement, you should start thinking about personal statement ideas. What are the best topics to write about in a personal statement? If you look at various successful personal statement examples, youâll likely realize the topic isnât necessarily the most important part. You donât need to write about something that no one else has ever written about. You just need your personal statement to have its own unique spin. Lean into brainstorming personal statement ideas that show who you are. Itâs helpful to read some personal statement examples for inspiration.
While there is no exact formula for âhow to write a personal statementâ, there are some basic guidelines that students should follow. The personal statement should be written in first-person nonfiction prose form. Often, a personal statement introduction will include a story or an anecdote and then expand to reveal the impact of that experience on the writer.
You may be specifically wondering how to start a personal statement. Well, it could be with a moment, a place, or a conversation that spurred some sort of change or growth within you. While this isnât necessarily a âpersonal statement format,â itâs a very general format that works.
Things to avoid
We now know that the personal statement format is fluid, but there are some things to avoid when thinking about how to write a personal statement:
- Profanity, explicit content, or crude language.
- Lying or misinterpreting events. Keep it authentic.
- Sharing overly personal descriptions of troubling life experiences. Remember that applying to college requires professional boundaries.
- Writing a narrative that revolves around others. The personal statement is all about you and your experiences.
If you want to know what a bad personal statement example would look like, imagine one that includes any of the formerly listed items. You donât want to catch an admissions officerâs attention for the wrong reasons. Good personal statement examples will be engaging, but inoffensive. Check out some more doâs and donâts when it comes to how to write a personal statement.
When pondering âhow to write a personal statement,â itâs good to know that you donât need to follow conventional essay guidelines. The best personal statement examples will exude passion and professionalism, while a bad personal statement example will lack soul. If youâre excited about a topic, then thatâs a great place to start! Now, letâs get into the actual writing.
How do you write a good Personal Statement?
To review, in the first part of this series of three articles on how to write a personal statement we answered the question âWhat is a personal statement?â We also explained how schools use a studentâs personal statement for college to evaluate them. We described the Common App essay as an example of a personal statement for a university. Next, letâs dig into how to write a personal statement, including how to start a personal statement, the best tips for writing a personal statement, and some good personal statement examples and personal essay examples to inspire you.
![example of strong personal statement personal statement examples](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-7-1024x683.jpg)
First, you have probably wondered how to write a personal statement that stands out from the rest. It all comes down to one thing: authenticity. The best personal statement examples and personal essay examples show schools what makes the writer unique, and they are written in an authentic voice. When giving advice about how to write a personal statement, admissions officers say that the best personal statement examples tell them who the student is beyond their coursework and grades. They are personal, and they tell a unique and interesting story.
Considering Personal Statement topics
So, as you think about how to write a personal statement, you may also wonder what the best personal statement topics are. When writing a personal statement, including the Common App essay, you donât have to share an exciting story about the time you wrestled a wild bear or how you discovered a cure for cancer. For example, in their advice on how to write a personal statement, Wellesley College advises , âTragedy is not a requirement, reflection and depth are.â
Some of the best personal statement topics focus on insights about common experiences. Begin your brainstorming process by reviewing the list of Common App essay prompts as you think about writing a personal statement, and choose a story that genuinely matters to you. Then, get excited about telling it! Think about writing a personal statement, including the Common App essay and every other personal essay for college, as an opportunity to lean into your quirkiness or to share your unique insights.
Whatâs more, a good personal statement for a university should be well-written. Consider the advice offered by Purdue Online Writing Lab : âBe specific, write well and correctly, and avoid cliches.â This will take timeâwriting a good personal statement for a university or a good Common App essay doesnât happen overnight. The process of writing a personal statement will include multiple sessions between the first phase of brainstorming and the final phase of editing. Be prepared to write and rewrite, and never hesitate to ask for help from an advisor, counselor, parent, or trusted adult. However, remember that your work should always be your own.
Now, letâs discuss how to start a personal statement.
![](http://writinghelp.online/777/templates/cheerup/res/banner1.gif)
How do you start a personal statement?
So, now you have the basic information on how to write a personal statement, including your Common App essay. Next, youâre probably asking, âBut how do you start one?â In this section, weâll break down the process of exploring personal statement ideas and how to start a personal statement. This information also applies to thinking about how to start a college essay. Then, weâll discuss how to write a personal statement opening.
![example of strong personal statement how to write a personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-6-1024x769.jpg)
Brainstorming is usually the first phase of any writing project to generate personal statement ideas. You may want to read a personal statement example like those here or here for inspiration to help get your personal statement ideas flowing. Next, ask yourself some idea-generating questions : Who have your intellectual influences been? Which careers are you considering and why? What personal goals do you have? As you think about the answers to these typical college essay prompts, jot down personal statement ideas that occur to you. If youâre still feeling stuck, ask a close friend or family member , âWhat do you think differentiates me?,â or âWhat are my quirks?â
Pick a topic that excites you
Then, once you have a few good topics for your personal statement, choose one that you feel most excited to write about. Write a draft of your personal statement introduction and see what other ideas occur to you for later parts of your essay. Choose another topic and do the same thing. Donât feel like these initial drafts need to be perfectâwords on the page are always a great start! The goal right now is to decide which personal statement topics you feel most inspired to write about. Which ideas reflect something interesting about you ?
Once you have selected which topic you will focus on for your personal statement, Common App essay, or personal essay for college, think about crafting a strong hook. The opening line (or lines) of the best personal statement examples include a âhookâ for the reader, grabbing their attention and making them want to keep reading. For example, you could start with a question, an unusual or surprising statement, or an anecdote that will leave readers wondering what comes next. Whichever approach you select when considering how to start a college essay, make sure to use engaging language and vivid imagery.
Remember, start early and write several drafts .
The personal statement is an opportunity to write about a topic that is important to you and that also reflects your personality . Now, letâs discuss the personal statement format.
How do you format a personal statement?
Different applications may require different approaches to your personal statement format. In some cases, you may copy and paste your personal statement into an application and it will format itself automatically. In other situations, you will need to set up your personal statement format yourself. If this is the case, Times New Roman font, 12-point, with conventional margins and double spacing is a safe personal statement format.
When you are submitting your personal statement or Common App essay through the Common App, you may notice that the Common Application text box only allows formatting for bold, italics, and underlining. Therefore, itâs best to write your personal statement in Google Docs or Word and to write your paragraphs with block formatting (not indented). In addition, using Google Docs or Word will also allow you to easily check spelling and word counts before pasting your personal statement into the Common App.
Editing your Personal Statement
Many students wonder what the editing process for their personal statement for college, including the Common App essay and other personal essays for college, should look like. This varies by student and by essay. But, the best personal statements for a university go through at least several rounds of edits.
Firstly, once you have written the first draft of your personal statement for a university or personal essay for college, take a step back for a few hours or even for a day. Then, return with fresh eyes. Is your narrative well organized? Are there sections that seem unclear, ideas that donât support your main point, or awkward sentences? You may want to reorder your paragraphs or sentences or delete and rework other elements. Revisit a personal statement example and consider how it is organized for comparison.
![example of strong personal statement personal statement examples](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-2-1024x768.jpg)
Making the cut
In short, donât be afraid to cut sentences that donât directly relate to the main focus of the essay or convey some important detail of the story. This will help clarify your narrative. Also, make sure that you have centered your writing around your own experiencesâthe story should reflect your perspective and insights.
Next, once you are confident that your personal statement is well organized and your main ideas are clear, do another round of detailed editing. Eliminate any typos or repetitive language; make sure you have proper grammar and spelling throughout.
Finally, ask a trusted adult to read your personal statement and provide feedback. Something that you thought was clear may not be to them. Also, ask them how engaging your personal statement is, and if there are sections that seem dry or unimportant. Ask whether your hook is effective, and review tips on how to start a personal statement if necessary. Sometimes feedback can be difficult to hear, but it helps to remember that even professional writers seek input from others. The goal is to create the best personal statement possible!
For more detailed advice on revising your personal statement, check out this CollegeAdvisor personal statement webinar, â Revising the Personal Statement .â
How do I know when my personal statement is done?
Thereâs no definitive way to know when your personal statement for a university is doneâyou can keep editing most writing forever. However, as you revise and edit, youâll notice that you have fewer things to fix with every new draft. Once you feel like thereâs nothing major left to change, get feedback from someone you trust.
![example of strong personal statement personal statement examples](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-3-1024x653.jpg)
Your College Advisor expert can also provide valuable feedback and guidance at this point. If the notes and suggestions from others are also limited, you may be nearly ready to finalize your personal statement for college and press âsubmit.â
6 Tips for Writing a Great Personal Statement
1. be authentic.
Remember, admissions officers want to know about you âyour personality, your interests, your goals. A great personal statement is personal . Your personal statement for a university needs to express your unique ideas and insights in your own voice. Nobody can tell your story better than you. So, choose a topic that interests you and let your energy and ideas shine through.
Being personal also means that you should share sensory details and your internal dialogue. What did you see or hear at a critical moment? What were you thinking or feeling during that pivotal conversation? The more personal details you share, the more interesting your personal statement will be.
2. Start early
This is one of the most important tips on how to write a personal statement. You can start brainstorming topics for your personal statement at any time during high school. Some students keep a notebook where they write down personal statement topics and ideas as they occur to them over time. They also begin reading other good personal statement examples and Common App essays for inspiration.
Regardless, a good plan is to solidify a draft of your personal statement for college the summer before your senior year. This will give you time to work on supplemental essays and other parts of your applications during the fall of your senior year.
![example of strong personal statement how to write a personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-8-1024x683.jpg)
3. Brainstorm before you write
Take some time to think and reflect deeply before you begin writing. Donât feel like you need to jump into a full essay draft as soon as you complete your junior year. Do some writing exercises and brainstorming activities first, including reading other personal statement examples.
In each personal statement example you read, pay close attention to the personal statement introduction, the narrative arc, and the conclusion. Did the writer incorporate an effective technique for how to start a college essay? Why is the essay interesting? What does it tell you about the writer?
4. Tell a story
Keep in mind that well-told stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. They also engage the reader and arrive at a clear message or point by the end. In short, the best personal statement examples follow a narrative arc.
Start with an interesting hook and use it as an introduction to a story from your life that addresses the given college essay prompt. Then, use the latter half of your personal statement or Common App essay to show why this story matters and how it reveals a key part of your identity. And always remember: show, donât tell.
5. Avoid common mistakes
Steer clear of cliches in your writingâthey do not help you stand out or demonstrate strong writing skills. Also, do not use your personal statement or Common App essay as an opportunity to rehash your activities or achievements. Remember, these are included in other parts of your application.
The best personal statement examples show admission officers something about the writer that is not reflected in other parts of the application. They describe first-hand experiences and provide specific examples to illustrate ideas.
6. Edit carefully
Once youâve written your personal statement for college, look for anything that doesnât feel right. Eliminate awkward phrasing, delete or replace repeated words and phrases, and work to streamline your language. You might delete entire drafts, and thatâs okay! Itâs a process, and all the work you do gets you closer to your best work. Also, make sure to ask a few others whom you trust to read your essay and provide suggestions for edits.
Bonus tip: Ask for help
A second set of eyes can make a huge difference. Ask an advisor (like our team at CollegeAdvisor.com), counselor, or parent to look over your work. Donât let anyone write your sentences for youâinstead, use their input to help your voice shine through.
For more great college essay tips on how to write a personal statement and college essays, check out this advice from college admission experts.
Personal Statement- Frequently Asked Questions
Where can i find a good personal statement example.
There are a variety of websites that offer good personal essay examples as models you can use to inspire you. A good place to begin is here , and there are also examples of personal statements in the next article of this series. As you read these examples, take note of the personal statement introduction, as well as how the writer focuses the essay on a specific topic or idea that reflects their personality.
Is it ever too late to change my personal statement?
While it is much better to begin writing your personal statement early, sometimes students decide later in the writing process that they want to rethink the personal statement topic they have chosen. If you find yourself in this position, you will find some helpful advice in this CommonApplicant.com personal statement webinar .
My parents didnât go to college. How do I explain personal statements and how to write a personal statement to them?
CollegeAdvisor.com has created a special personal statement webinar just for parents. In this webinar, we describe personal statements, the specifics of how to write a great college essay, and other college admissions terms.
Iâm a high school junior. What should I be doing now to prepare to write my personal statement and college essays?
First, congratulations on thinking ahead! You can begin by reading â Common App Essay Overview for Juniors .â Then, your CollegeAdvisor admissions expert can help you begin brainstorming and planning for your college application essays. They can provide you with examples of common college essay prompts, as well as helpful college essay tips. Also, they can provide suggestions on how to start a personal statement and share other resources on how to write a great college essay.
How will college admission officers evaluate my personal statement and college application essay?
Admission officers are looking for personal stories that are well told. How closely each of your college application essays is read will vary depending both on the school and the other components of your application. However, as more schools become test-optional, admission officers say that college essays are becoming even more important in the admissions process. So, as you plan your essays keep in mind that admission officers want to learn about you âyour experiences, thoughts, and goals. They also want to see that you have solid writing skills, so make sure that you closely edit your essays before you submit them.
If you would like to hear directly from an admission officer and learn more about how to write a great college essay, including specific advice on how to start a college essay, check out this â 39 Essay Tips â article.
How is the personal statement for a university different from the Common App essay and personal essay for college?
The Common App essay asks students to write a personal statement in response to one of seven provided prompts. All types of personal essays for college provide students with an opportunity to introduce themselves to college admission officers on their own terms. For a more detailed description of each of these types of essays, check out the first article in this series, âHow to Write a Personal Statement.â
For answers to more frequently asked questions about personal statements for college and college essays, click here .
In the first part of this series discussing how to write a personal statement, we answered the questions âWhat is a personal statement?â and âHow important is the personal statement?â In this second article of the series, we have covered the specifics of how to write a personal statement, including descriptions of the writing phases of the personal statement and personal essay for the college writing process. In the next article, we will examine personal statement examples and highlight key elements of each personal statement example.
Introducing 5 Personal Statement Examples
By this point, youâve gone from asking, âWhat is a personal statement?â to knowing how to write a personal statement. Now, letâs look at some personal statement examples. Reading personal statement examples is great preparation for writing your own personal statement for college.
However, keep in mind that reading about how to write a personal statement is one thingâwriting a personal statement is entirely different. By reading these personal statement examples and why they worked, youâll have a better grasp of how to write a personal statement.
![example of strong personal statement personal statement examples](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-13-1024x769.jpg)
Each of these personal statement examples shows something that isnât clear in the rest of the application. Top schools accepted all the writers of these personal statement examples. Our guide will walk you through each of these personal essay examples and discuss what makes them work. We hope by reading these, you can learn more about how to write a personal statement.
Personal Statement Example #1: Choosing a Great Topic
The first of our personal statement examples was written by a student who was accepted to Yale, Princeton, and other top schools. Their personal statement discusses the legacy of antisemitic violence in their family. While political and religious topics can be difficult, this student writes a fantastic college application essay about their topic.
Personal Essay Example #1
Across the ocean, there is war. Children mistaking rockets for fireworks, parents too protectiveâtoo carefulâto correct them. Back home, there are phone calls. To family, to friends. In English, in Hebrew. âAre you safe?â I pray they live far from Jerusalem. Right here, in my room, there is turmoil. Furiously swiping through Instagram, I wonder who will betray me next. I wonder which friend will decide that their loosely related, offensive commentary belongs on their profile. Once the deed is done, I am quick to unfollow. To cut off perpetrators of what Jewish journalists call âthe Social Media Pogromâ: when targeting the Jewish people online turns to real antisemitic violence (and a powerful reason to unfollow my friends). So I flee from my friendsâ Instagram accounts. But only because my family fled from much worse. My grandfather found himself wearing a yellow star, living in a ghetto, and losing everything to the Nazis. One day, he ripped off the star and ran. Even though it meant never seeing his family again. He did not flee for a better life; he fled for any life. His son came to marry another refugee: my mother. Her story is a familiar one, shared by many in my hometown: escaping yet another antisemitic regime whose existence threatened her own, my mother fled Revolutionary Iran in 1979. Fortunately, she was reunited years later with all eight of her siblings, who had escaped in various other creative, illegal waysââon camelbackâ being a personal favorite. To this day, she bears a scar on her eyelid from antisemitic violence back home. My family treeâs roots are settled in the soil of persecution. Swastikas have sawed away at its structure, and Revolutionary Guards have bent its branches. I know too well which winds will threaten the leaves: words wishing my people death, implicitly or explicitly. Calling on my cousins to evacuate their homes, for they are on the Jewish side of the land dispute. Denying the reality that no one deserves to be displaced. When I hear these words, see them on a screen, I sense a chillingly familiar breeze. Sometimes, the breeze blows away a few leaves: a rabbi is stabbed, a synagogue vandalized. Suddenly my friends, teetering on the edge of antisemitism with waves of painful posts, are no longer my friends. They are my enemies. But then I hear a little voice: âDavid, what on Earth are you doing?â And I remember that they are not. They are not Nazis or Revolutionary Guards. I should not shun them or cease to show them love. I cannot wallow in my rage or simply âunfollowâânot on Instagram, not in life. I soon return those beloved friends to my circle. I âfollowâ them once again. Because dialogue is my lifestyle. I ought to be recruiting my friends to Model Congress or engaging them in class. Welcoming the people around me to a world of positive, exciting, and purposeful discourse is the best I can do. Itâs also who I am. My family passed down a sensitive radar for harmful rhetoric, but also gifted me with a powerful beliefâa Jewish beliefâin informed discussion and coexistence. Holding no hate in their hearts, my ancestors wore lenses of love that did not belong to their oppressors. Today, I wear those same lenses with pride. Once infuriating Instagram posts no longer cloud my vision. Iâve instead fallen in love with the precious diversity of thought that surrounds me and find myself most at home when I am immersed in political dialogue. I will face many âenemyâ opinions, but I will not shut my eyes and cover my ears, give up a dear human connection, and miss out on a meaningful experience. I will approach individuals with humanity rather than animosity, acceptance rather than judgement, and love rather than hate. I will live by the lessons of my ancestors.
What Worked?
What did this Common App essay do well? Firstly, it covers a great topic. This student writes about their familyâs experience with antisemitic violence and its legacy in their life today. When writing a personal statement for college, such sensitive personal statement topics can be challenging. In this case, the writer successfully centers their experiences and thoughts rather than on controversial events.
Moreover, they cut through political tension with a core reality rooted in empathy: âNo one deserves to be displaced.â This is a great strategy if youâre wondering how to write a personal statement on a sensitive topic. All personal statement topics have an angle that makes them universally relatable. If your personal essay for college is missing something, try an empathetic approach.
Ask for help revising
Donât forget to ask other people to revise your personal statement for university. What makes sense to you may not read well to others. Especially with sensitive topics, share your work with someone you can trust to give you feedback. If possible, also include a non-family member like a teacher or guidance counselor who knows how to write a personal statement.
This student connects their familyâs troubles with their own worldview. Good personal statement examples offer a look at the author as a person. A strong topic lets you reflect on how your experiences have impacted your engagement with the world and other people. And as shown above, the writer chose a great topic ânot necessarily a great college essay prompt. College essay prompts are wide-ranging , and good personal statement ideas can come from any of them. Indeed, whatever your prompt is, personal essay examples are ultimately about you .
Evocative language and imagery
With this in mind, look at how the writer’s attitude changes throughout their Common App essay. Good personal statement examples contain precise, evocative language and imagery. When youâre writing a personal statement, find the right wordsânot necessarily the longest onesâand sentence structures you need. This personal statement begins in a panic; the writer âfuriously swipingâ in the âturmoilâ of their room, keenly attuned to betrayal from friends. These words and the short paragraphs bring each thought into sharp focus.
The writer’s passion for their subject shows through their language. Using structural repetition in âWishingâŠ. CallingâŠ. DenyingâŠâ establishes a serious tone and keeps the personal statement fresh. In the latter half, words like âbeloved,â âlenses of love,â and âprecious diversityâ signify a shift to a gentle, loving attitude. The best personal essay examples choose their words precisely. By choosing words carefully in combination with poetic and rhetorical devices, you can write a stellar personal statement for university.
Certainly, family histories can be great personal statement topics. Even so, suffering doesnât automatically make a strong personal statement for university. If you know how to write a personal statement, even at first mundane personal statement ideas can become good personal statement examples.
Personal Statement Example #2: Finding a Great Hook
The second of our personal statement examples is by a student who was accepted to UC San Diego, Johns Hopkins, the University of Pennsylvania, Vanderbilt University, and more. In their personal statement for college, this student uses their interest in Rubikâs cubes to frame other parts of their life.
Personal Statement Example #2
My life is as simple as a Rubikâs Cube: a child’s toy that can be solved in 20 moves or less IF and only if enough knowledge is gained. I received one on my 9th birthday and over the following months, I became obsessed with it. I rotated the rows aimlessly, hoping that eventually the cube would solve itself. I was naive about the complexity of the cube which led me to apply some research. I began looking up tutorials on YouTube about solving the toy and was in awe over the amount of work that had to be done. I forced myself to go step by step until I could arrange a single face, and my progress pushed me forward until I could solve 4 of the 6 faces of the cube. Every night for an hour I would randomize the colors again and work my way back to â of the cube being complete. Until this point, I lacked the confidence in my everyday life and had never aimed for a difficult goal, especially one without external motivation. However, what I love about solving the cube is that you can follow the steps perfectly and still run into a stalemate based on the arrangement of the squares. This forces you to randomize the cube again and start from step 1. All the hard work and time put into this object can be useless, but it is unavoidable no matter what you do. Multiple times I faced this dilemma of running into a wall, but instead of giving up, my will pushed me forward. I shed many tears over my failures to solve a child’s toy. I needed to push through these failures until I could learn how to arrange the last faces of the cube. And just like that, it was complete! The Rubikâs Cube was arranged correctly. However, I wanted to get faster. I was inspired by the greatest, the individuals who could solve cubes within 5 seconds, and mix up the cube once more. I tried over and over until the point of obsession where I could get the cube arranged in under a minute. Sometimes it is necessary to disarrange a completed face of the cube in order to achieve the end goal of every face being complete. The colors of a cube can be compared to my academics, my athletics, my art, my leadership, my hobbies, and my family life. Though it is a struggle to juggle all these tasks, it is the desire to expand in all these subjects that pushes me forward. I want to learn more and master subjects within my academics, improve my form and get faster within my athletics, grow my skills of digital design within art, become a stronger role model as a leader, volunteer more within my hobbies, and get closer to supporting my family. This mindset will continue to push me to expand my present knowledge and learn new concepts in order to complete my goals. 43,252,003,274,489,856,000: That is how many combinations there are for a single 3×3 Rubikâs cube, and there are probably even more combinations ahead of me in my journey through college and beyond. I have to struggle to learn how to solve my cube and put in the hard work in order to succeed at this game of life. Once I finish school and solve my cube for the first time, the game is not over. The next steps are to refine my work and ethics until I can get the process of solving my own cube down to 20 moves or less. My life goal is to carve a name for myself among the best and the brightest in the surgical field, yet there is always more knowledge to obtain which will drive me to continue growing.
Take a look at that hook! The classic personal statement format begins with a hook to draw the reader into a story, and this is no different. This personal statement introduction, âMy life is as simple as a Rubikâs cubeâ, is bold, even seemingly contradictory, until you read the rest of the sentence. Either way, it makes you want to keep reading this personal statement example.
The worst thing a personal statement for a university can be is boring. A good hook starts your reader off on the right foot. While many personal statement examples begin in the middle of a story, making a bold claim is also common. If youâre wondering how to start a personal statement, start thinking about what opening sentence would grab your attention.
Like the first essay’s writer, this student also uses descriptive language to bring their Common App essay to life. They didnât simply try the Rubikâs cube, but they ârotated the rows aimlesslyâ. Rather than saying they kept working on the cube, the writer shows us how they scrambled and resolved it every night. When writing a personal statement, do your own experiences justice with the right descriptive language .
Thinking about tone
You may notice the tone of this personal essay example is very different from the firstâ intensity isnât everything! In fact, itâs a reflection of the different subject matter of these personal essay examples. When writing your personal statement, your tone should match what you are trying to say. In the same way that one word can make a sentence, another can totally break it.
From a vivid description of their childhood, the writer expands the scope of their Common App essay to other areas of their life. Good personal statement examples explore subjects that other parts of your application donât. In this case, this student uses the Rubikâs cube to represent their varied activities and their aspirations for each. They also reflect on life lessons and personal traits: perseverance, ambition, and curiosity.
In other words, the writer creates parallels between their interest in Rubikâs cubes and their personal journey. In the same way that they obsess over speed-solving, the writer works to excel in other subjects. Furthermore, the writer shows us this instead of directly telling â a maneuver fundamental to all good personal statement examples. The writer makes a compelling case as not only an applicant but also as a future member of the campus community.
Consider chronology
![example of strong personal statement how to write a personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-10-1024x678.jpg)
Notice the chronological structure this student uses for their Common App essay. Specifically, see how it follows the writer’s life from their first Rubikâs cube to the present day. This is a simple way to craft a strong Common App essay. Personal essay examples like this make it easy to reflect on your growth, which is crucial for any personal statement for college. Lastly, by ending with the 20 moves needed to solve a cube, the writer neatly ties up this personal statement example.
Personal Statement Example #3: The Value of a Great Ending
The third of our personal statement examples is by a student who got into the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, Carnegie Mellon, and the University of Southern California. The writer talks about how being on the swim team helped them cultivate confidence.
Personal Essay Example #3
When I joined the high school swim team, I never expected to go to school dressed as Shrek. Yet as Freshman Friday approached, I learned it was team tradition for upperclassmen swimmers to dress freshmen teammates in ridiculous costumes. Against my will, my teammates splotched green paint on my face, styled my hair into pigtails covered in green paper, and stuffed a pillow under my sweatshirt. Attending my classes was mortifying. With every stare, I buried my head further into my textbook and shifted my hand to cover my green and now bright red face; with every chuckle, I sank deeper into my seat, attempting to hide my massive pillow stomach. The frown on my face felt like a permanent fixture, and after dealing with the humiliation for a class period, I was done. I yanked the pillow out of my sweatshirt and ripped the paper from my hair. The only hint of swamp ogre that remained was the green face paint. When confronted about my lack of Shrek-ness at the end of the day, I claimed I was overheating and that the paper had fallen apart. I lied. I was just embarrassed. I always knew I was shy — the “too-timid-to-signal-the-waiter” type of shy — but until Freshman Friday, I hadnât realized the extent to which it affected the social and academic aspects of my life. Ever since I was young, my jaw would clench at the thought of humiliating myself by deviating from the norm and bringing attention to myself. I often closed myself off from friends by diverting conversations to trivial topics like gym class when they probed me about deeper subjects like my mental health. I even avoided participating in class by scouring Google for hours for physics help to circumvent admitting to my classmates that I was confused by asking questions. By hiding in the shadows to avoid embarrassment, I hindered my ability to cherish the humor in being Shrek, and, more broadly, my comfort in freely expressing myself. However, I loved swimming and wanted to make my high school teamâs environment as wonderful for me as my love for the sport. I slowly started creeping out of my shell, meeting the team, and participating in more voluntary dress-up days. Freshman year, I wore a dragon onesie on pajama day; sophomore year, I wore a Hawaiian shirt, a lei, and sunscreen for tacky tourist day. Junior year, I wore my swimsuit over leggings, goggles, medals, pigtails with award ribbons, and a towel cape, finally surpassing the ridiculousness of the Shrek costume. For the first time, I finally felt confident enough to prance around the school, laughing about my costume with my classmates. I felt like a true part of my team, joking with teammates, taking pictures, and letting the whole school know that I swam. With each year and its dress-up days, I gradually felt more of the sense of community, team spirit, and fun that I had craved. Dressing up unleashed my confidence. This, in turn, made me happier and more involved in my school community. Most surprisingly, though, was how dressing up eventually better prepared me to enter engineering. Hispanic women are severely underrepresented in engineering, so I used to fear that I would be incapable of establishing a strong enough presence and earning my peersâ respect for my ideas. However, with every group discussion I initiated, every question I asked, and every club meeting I hosted, I saw myself making a place for my input and noticed that my teachers and peers actually valued it. I realized that I had found my voice and even enjoyed sharing my opinions. Iâm now ready to take on the challenge of expressing my thoughts in a male-dominated field. In the meantime, Iâm just looking forward to my swim teamâs next dress-up day.
Like our last essay, this personal statement has an awesome hook. In fact, the writer drops us right into the action. This technique, known as in media res , is great for a Common App essay. You can immediately set the scene for your reader, then build context from there. Not only does the writer bring us right in, but they also expertly use language for tone. âRidiculous,â âagainst my will,â and âsplotchedâ all illustrate the writer’s opposition to whatâs about to happen. This is an effective technique in personal statement examples.
Following the anecdote, the writer reflects on their intense shyness. They show self-awareness by recounting specific instances where fear got the better of them. Yet again, we can see the importance of showing rather than telling in a personal statement. Each sentence provides an example of how the writer’s shyness had a negative impact on their social and academic success. Thus, we see the true conflict in this personal statement isnât the costume, but the writer overcoming their lifelong shyness.
Personal growth and development
Ask anyone how to write a personal statement and theyâll tell you about growth. When writing a personal statement for university, demonstrating personal growth and an ability to reflect on it is key. Across college essay prompts, you should explore how your experiences have shaped or changed you. Being able to indicate specific causes and effects is part of all good personal statement examples.
From there, the writer clearly illustrates their journey from insecurity to confidence. They show us the ways that their shyness manifested before. Then, the writer shows us the increasingly ridiculous costumes they wore. Of course, the language changes, tooâthe writer goes from âcreepingâ to âprancingâ! Yet another example of how small changes to wording can have a huge impact on your personal statement for college.
Finally, the writer provides a sound conclusion. They mention the numerous benefits of their newfound confidence and, more importantly, look forward. In the final paragraph, the writer takes the lessons they’ve learned and discusses how they will use them to accomplish their goals. Like both of the personal essay examples weâve already seen, the writer closes by talking about the doors they want to open.
Circling back to your hook
We saw the effectiveness of linking the hook and closing paragraph in previous personal statement examples. Similarly, this personal statement example ends with the idea of dress-up day once again. This kind of personal statement format helps bring everything full circle. In learning about how to write a personal statement, the conclusion is one of the most important parts. Especially in chronologically structured personal statements, closing the loop in this way makes your personal statement feel complete .
![example of strong personal statement how to write a personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-11-1024x683.jpg)
The best personal statement examples have a well-written conclusion. Taking your personal statement ideas and addressing them neatly in the conclusion is important. Whether you explain particular future goals or simply affirm your personal values, you should have a future-facing closer. Colleges want to know not only how youâve grown, but also how you will bring that growth to campus.
Personal Statement Example #4: Why This Essay Worked
Fourth on our list of personal statement examples is by a writer who applied to performing arts programs. This student wrote about their love for the performing arts and their heritage. They were accepted to schools like NYU Tisch, Point Park, and Roosevelt University. Look for the college essay tips we already mentioned in the personal statement below.
Common App Essay Example #4
At six years old, most kids I know get excited to help Blue find clues or recite Elmoâs songs on Sesame Street. So you can imagine my familyâs surprise when they saw me ignoring the other kids to go belt alongside my grandfatherâs mariachi trio in the backyard. Growing up, I had always loved performing for people. But my passion for performing in front of a packed house never compared to performing for my favorite audience: my great grandmother. From age seven to twelve, my dad would take our family on a three-hour road trip to visit my great grandmotherâs nursing home every single weekend. I remember the clean, antiseptic smell, and the beeping of her oxygen concentrator as I perched myself next to her bed and sang all types of songs from romantic boleros to earwormy Disney tunes. Even as she began failing to recognize her loved ones due to her worsening Alzheimer’s, she would always remember me, her âpalomita blanca,â or white dove. But as I got older, singing what once were innocent songs, like âEdelweissâ or âAlmost There,â started to make me feel like an imposter. I knew I belonged on stage, but I never saw any Mexican representation in any of my favorite musicals and animated cartoons. By seventh grade, I was plucking away at my full eyebrows for community theatre the night before auditions because I was told it would give me a better chance at landing a lead role. When my great grandmother passed away, I had lost the person who constantly reminded me how powerful staying true to your identity is. Without her, I questioned whether I had a chance at pursuing the thing that lights my soul aflame. But I stuck through the late nights, sprained ankles, and endless sweating under stage lights, because I loved theatre more than anything else in the world. In my freshman year, I joined the Conservatory of the Arts program for dance and drama at my high school. After my first show, I remember feeling so comforted by the fact that I finally felt that I belonged in the theatre kid community. In sophomore year, I finally got my first lead role as Gertrude in my high school’s production of Seussical. At last! All of my hard work had paid off and I was going to be a lead after six years of ensembles. I was so excited to get the chance to show myself and the world that my identity was my power. I didnât want to be any old Gertrude. Iâd stay up until 2 a.m. on weekends coming up with ways to make her more memorable. Inspired by Juan Gabriel’s emotional ballads, I added vocal cry to Gertrudeâs solos to better portray her insecurities. Instead of sticking to just belting in âAll For You,â I sang runs similar to the high energy mariachi songs I grew up with to show off my characterâs passion and newfound confidence. But in March 2020, the world stopped, and the show couldnât go on. Distanced learning made the performing arts programs nowhere near as fun or educational as they used to be. Still though, as president of the drama program in 2021, I am determined to rebuild a community that was torn apart by a worldwide pandemic. I want to be the mentor I never had. My confidence in my identity has been an important tool in teaching others that practice doesnât make perfect, it makes progress. I work hard encouraging others not to be afraid to show the world what they have. Musical theatre is an art that thrives with innovation, so I’d like to bring the creative spice which my culture has enriched me with to the worldâs stage. Maybe someday I can be that actress on stage or TV that’ll get a little Latina girl enthralled by the arts.
In this personal essay example, the writer uses vivid storytelling to show how they became the person they are today. Firstly, the hook tells us how the writer values both performance and her family. This light, fun personal statement introduction quickly goes for the heartstrings by introducing the writerâs great-grandmother. Personal statement examples sometimes avoid talking about family, because itâs easy to lose focus on the writer. But this writer never loses sight of their own memories, emotions, and experiences.
Equally important, those experiences are well-illustrated with rich imagery that clearly conveys the writer’s passion for their topic. Details like the smell and sound of the nursing home bring us into the moment. The writer also provides some examples of what they endured in theatre: âlate nightsâ and âsprained ankles.â Use concrete images to get your personal statement ideas across with impact .
Also, the writer makes a point to explore the intersections of their Hispanic heritage and their passion for theatre. Particularly, the writer discusses their difficulty in putting them together, as shown by plucking their eyebrows. By establishing this conflict in the middle of her personal statement, the writer indicates their awareness of the wider world and their place in it. Many good personal statement examples will create context like this, showing the author thinking beyond themselves.
Show commitment to your topic
Broadly, the writer discusses their twin passions with powerful language and imagery. Exhibiting genuine enthusiasm for your personal statement topics is key. This personal statement shows that the writer has always been moved by their family and by the arts. Their triumph in combining the two feels huge precisely because we understand how much each of these things mean to them. Even if your personal statement topics arenât as deep-seeded as this writer’s, you should show commitment to what youâre writing about.
If youâre reading this, COVID probably disrupted your school life at some point, as it did for this student. However, be careful not to linger on it more than necessary. This writer doesnât completely gloss over the pandemic, but they keep their own journey at the center of the personal statement. The writer’s experience with distanced learning propelled them forward. Ideally, your personal statement for the university should keep a tight focus on you. The narrative personal statement format should show not only your experiences but also what youâve learned from them.
Personal Statement Example #5: Pulling It All Together
The fifth and last of our personal statement examples is by another student who got into several top schools. They write about their participation and leadership at a club event. Keep an eye out for all the tips weâve mentioned, from a good hook to showing-not-telling.
Personal Statement #5
One hundred and fifty bagels, all completely frozen. I couldnât believe it. My schoolâs Model UN Conference was to start in thirty minutes, and breakfast for the delegates was nowhere near ready. I looked with dismay at my friendsâ concerned faces peering out from behind piles of frozen bagels. As Secretary-General, it was my job to ensure that this conference went smoothly. However, it seemed that was not going to be the case. I took a moment to weigh my options before instructing Hannah, our âlogistics coordinator,â to heat up the frozen circles of doom in the home-ec room. I knew Hannah enjoyed baking, so I trusted her to find a way into the locked room and thaw the assortment of bagels. Cold bagels were not the only thing weighing heavily on my mind that morning. As I walked from classroom to classroom helping set up committees, I couldnât help but feel nervous. Our conference wasnât going to be like those of the private schools- there were no engraved pens or stylish water bottles. Instead, people got post-it notes and whatever pens we could steal from the supply closet. Forcing myself to stop worrying, I chose instead to think of why we made that choice. Since most of the food was donated, and all of the supplies had been âborrowedâ from the supply closet, we could afford to charge only a nominal fee to everyone attending. Making Model UN accessible was one of my top priorities as Secretary-General; the same desire motivated me to begin including middle school students in the club. I hurried back down to the cafeteria, and was relieved to see that all the bagels looked warm and ready to eat. The bagels would not be the sole crisis that day. As debates were about to start, one of the Chairs sent me a panic stricken text: âWe only have 5 people in our committee! We canât reenact the creation of the Treaty of Versailles!â I hurried to where his debate was taking place, and sure enough, only five people were there. I quickly considered my options- cancel the committee? Convince some delegates to switch into this debate through bagel bribery? Or maybe, come up with a completely new topic? I settled on idea number three. But what topic could a committee of only five people spend a day discussing? I mulled it over until an idea began to form. I explained to the room, âEach one of you will represent one of the five major Democratic and Republican presidential candidates. The chair will guide you as you tweet, make campaign videos, and debate the most important political issues.â I spent a few minutes figuring out how to go about moderating such an unconventional committee, before heading off to check in on the other debates. As I walked from committee to committee, fixing problems and helping move debates along, I felt a sense of pride. I had spent months working on this conference, along with the other members of my team. At times, I worried I could never pull it off. A part of me had wished our faculty advisor would just organize the whole thing for us. After all, Iâm just a high schooler, how could I put together such a big event? But as the day went by, I realized that with the help of my peers, I had done it. All the little crises that cropped up werenât because I was doing a bad job; they were inevitable. The fact that I could find solutions to such a wide variety of problems was a testament to my leadership skills, and my level-headedness. I didnât just feel like a leaderâI felt like an adult. As I look towards my future in college and later the workforce, I know that I can succeed, even if my obstacles seem as insurmountable as a mountain of frozen bagels.
This writer has a great example of how to start a college essay. Their strong hook makes us curious â why are there so many? Whatâs going on, and can the writer fix it? The essayâs tone is clear from the outset, and weâre drawn in by the conflict. Moreover, the writer establishes themselves as a leader and problem-solver.
Like a short story character, this writer encounters various obstacles. Throughout this personal statement, the writer shows off their resourcefulness, leadership skills, and quick thinking. While other people are in this personal statement example, the focus never wavers from the writer’s thoughts and actions. Additionally, the writer details the thought process behind each of their solutions.
As weâve mentioned, a good personal statement for a university shows information, rather than telling it. This writer walks through various aspects of the conference in the second paragraph, then explains their reasoning. Instead of just saying they wanted to make the conference accessible, the writer shows us how they made it possible by organizing food donations and only charging a small fee. This Common App essay shows us what the writer is like through actions as well as words.
A narrative of learning and growth
As with our other personal statement examples, the writer wraps up with a strong conclusion that recalls the hook. They recount their personal growth throughout this process. In addition, the writer elaborates on the lessons they have taken from this experience. As shown above, introspection on personal growth and values is part of any good personal essay for college. This Common App essay makes a solid case for its writer as a future student and community member.
![example of strong personal statement personal statement examples; growth narrative](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/personal-statement-examples-12-1024x680.jpg)
In sum, this writer takes a seemingly insignificant anecdote and uses it to reveal something critical about their experiences. By highlighting particular, telling moments, the writer shows us their personality and capability. Whatâs more, by using engaging language and a clear structure, the writer makes a lasting impact on the reader. For these reasons, this is a superb example of a personal statement for college.
CollegeAdvisor Resources on Writing a Great Personal Statement
By now, you’ve seen several personal statement examples and confidently say you know how to write a personal statement. But maybe you feel you need a little more information. A good personal statement for college starts with early preparation. Getting a head start on writing your personal essay for college is a great idea.
We at CollegeAdvisor have no shortage of guides on how to write a personal statement. Weâve got quick college essay tips from our admissions experts . If you have some more time, here are some frequently asked questions answered by an Admissions Officer. If youâre more of a watcher than a reader, check out a personal statement webinar from CollegeAdvisor.
How to Write a Personal Statement: Final Thoughts
You made it to the end! Now you know how to write a great college essay. Letâs briefly recap what we covered in this âHow to Write a Personal Statementâ guide.
Firstly, we answered the question, âWhat is a personal statement?â We outlined the expected length, personal statement format, and how important they are in the application process. Then, we explored some of the most common and effective personal statement topics.
Next, we looked at how to write a personal statement. We gave advice and tips on drafting, editing, and finalizing your personal essay for college. Specifically, we talked about the value of strong hooks, your unique voice, and editing.
Finally, we reviewed five personal statement examples and discussed what made them work. Each of our personal essay examples had effective language, structure, and other techniques that may inspire your writing.
Still a little stuck on how to write a personal statement for college? Aside from college essay tips and personal statement webinars, CollegeAdvisor also offers one-on-one support. We have hundreds of Admissions Experts and former Admissions Officers available to support you. Our Admissions Experts can work with you to help you craft a college application essay that highlights your potential.
![example of strong personal statement](https://www.collegeadvisor.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/college-recommendation-letter-5.png)
This guide was written by Sarah Kaminski , Lori Dunlap , and Gina Goosby . No matter what stage you are at in your college search, CollegeAdvisor.com is here to help. Weâve created a wide range of guides, to help you navigate the college admissions process from building your school list all the way to packing for your freshman fall. For more specialized guidance on writing a personal statement, click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. Weâll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.
Personalized and effective college advising for high school students.
- Advisor Application
- Popular Colleges
- Privacy Policy and Cookie Notice
- Student Login
- California Privacy Notice
- Terms and Conditions
- Your Privacy Choices
By using the College Advisor site and/or working with College Advisor, you agree to our updated Terms and Conditions and Privacy Policy , including an arbitration clause that covers any disputes relating to our policies and your use of our products and services.
Explore Jobs
- Jobs Near Me
- Remote Jobs
- Full Time Jobs
- Part Time Jobs
- Entry Level Jobs
- Work From Home Jobs
Find Specific Jobs
- $15 Per Hour Jobs
- $20 Per Hour Jobs
- Hiring Immediately Jobs
- High School Jobs
- H1b Visa Jobs
Explore Careers
- Business And Financial
- Architecture And Engineering
- Computer And Mathematical
Explore Professions
- What They Do
- Certifications
- Demographics
Best Companies
- Health Care
- Fortune 500
Explore Companies
- CEO And Executies
- Resume Builder
- Career Advice
- Explore Majors
- Questions And Answers
- Interview Questions
How To Write A Personal Statement (With Examples)
- Resume Tips
- Best Resume Writing Services
- Things To Avoid On A Resume
- Resume Paper To Use
- What To Include In A Resume
- How To Write A Bio
- How To Write A Personal Statement
- Lied on Your Resume?
- Avoid Age Discrimination
- Words and Phrases You Shouldn't Include in Your Resume
- How Many Skills Should You List On A Resume
- Send A Resume As A Pdf
- Resume Critique
- Make A Resume Stand Out
- Resume Spelling
- Resume Past Or Present Tense
- How To List Projects On A resume
- Best Resume Action Words
- How To Quantify Your Resume
- Resume Bullet Points
- Are Resume Writers Worth It
- How Many Jobs To List On Resume
Whether you want to apply to colleges, graduate programs, or competitive jobs, writing a persuasive personal statement will give you a leg up over the other applicants. A personal statement gives you a chance to express your qualifications, motivations, and long-term objectives in a way that gets hiring managers and admissions boards excited to meet you.
No matter why you’re writing a personal statement, weâre here to help you stand out from the crowd.
Key Takeaways:
To write a personal statement, first brainstorm, then narrow down your ideas, and start with an intro that leads into your qualifications.
Make sure to proofread your personal statement before submitting.
Personal statements describe your interests, skills, and goals, with a particular focus on your passion.
Personal statements are typically found in academia, however some professional organizations may also request one.
![example of strong personal statement How To Write A Personal Statement (With Examples)](https://www.zippia.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/how-to-write-a-personal-statement-with-examples.png)
What Is a Personal Statement?
How to write a personal statement, tips for writing a strong personal statement, questions to ask yourself when writing a personal statement, when do i need a personal statement, academic personal statement examples, professional personal statement example, personal statement faq.
- Sign Up For More Advice and Jobs
A personal statement is a written work that describes your skills, areas of interest, accomplishments, and goals. It is typically included with a college or scholarship application, and sometimes used as part of job applications as well.
Personal statements are a chance for you to show an admissions board or a hiring committee what makes you special outside of your resume . Think of it as an in-depth cover letter where you get to detail not only your skills, but why you’re so passionate about the subject.
Short of an interview, it’s the best way to show your personality in a way that (hopefully) convinces someone to hire or admit you.
When youâre ready to write your statement, there are a few ways you can approach it. Weâre going to go over a seven-step process so you can keep your thoughts organized and work through a process. Feel free to switch up the method, so it works for you.
Understand the prompt. Before you put pen to paper, make sure you understand the prompt and what is being asked of you. If thereâs a specific set of questions you need to respond to, make sure you frame your thinking that way instead of just choosing a topic.
Brainstorm. Think of some ideas and an outline before you start writing. Consider how you can answer the prompt youâre given and what unique experiences you can bring to the table. The more options you have, the better off youâll be.
Narrow it down. An excellent way to pick your final approach to draft a statement would be to jot down a few sentences for each idea you had. This helps you tell what topic is easiest to write about or what you feel most confident. No matter how you narrow down your ideas, you need to settle on the strongest one to convey your qualifications.
Start with an intro. Once youâre ready to write, youâll want to write your opening paragraph first. This is a chance for you to introduce yourself and let people know who you are. Try to keep this paragraph short since itâs just an intro, and youâll have more space to get into your qualifications in the next paragraph.
Write about your qualifications. When you write about your skills, make sure you align them with the job description or the program’s goals or university.
You can expand this section to a few paragraphs (if word count allows) and be sure to cover your achievements, qualifications, skills, talents, goals, and what you can bring to the program or organization.
One to three body paragraphs should suffice, with scholarship and graduate school personal statements being the longest of the bunch, and job personal statements being the shortest.
Sum up your argument. Your statement is a persuasive argument for why the committee should pick you. It should be a compelling summary of your qualifications, and it should show that you have a clear desire to work for the company.
Proofread. Look for any spelling or grammar errors and check to make sure your writing is clear and concise. Cut out anything that doesnât fit or help paint a good picture of what kind of student or employee you are. You might want to show your draft to a few people to ensure everything sounds right.
No matter what approach you take to writing your statement, a few things hold. Weâll give you some tips to make your statement stand out from the rest.
Write to your audience. Chances are you have a good idea of who will be reading your application and personal statement, so try to gear your writing toward them. Think of what will persuade or impress them and incorporate that into your writing.
Stay truthful. It might be tempting to exaggerate the truth or smudge a little bit, but make sure you stay truthful. If you claim to have skills or experience that you donât have and land the job, it might be pretty easy to tell that your writing doesnât exactly align with your experience.
Tell a story. If you can, try to weave your narrative into a story. Not only will it be more engaging for your reader, but it will also show if you can use your skill to create a story. It doesnât need to be elaborate, but tying everything together into a narrative will impress your readers.
Use your voice. To make your statement more personal and unique, you should write in your voice. Donât try to copy examples of statements you find or let your editor drown out what makes you unique. Make sure you keep your personality and qualifications front and center since itâs a personal statement.
Get specific. Instead of generally talking about skills you have, find ways to show your reader when you used those skills. Being specific and giving examples will make your argument more compelling and show your reader that youâre a master.
Use simple language. Since personal statements are so short, itâs not the time for long and complex sentences. Keep it concise and easy to read. You donât want to risk confusing your reader since committees usually have a few minutes to consider your candidacy, and you donât want to lose their attention.
Sometimes, especially during the brainstorm process, it can help to ask yourself questions to get your mind focused. These questions can help realize what you want to write in your personal statement.
Some questions you can ask yourself include:
“Why am I interested in this application? What about it makes me want to apply?”
“What are my strengths and weaknesses?”
“What type of work gets me excited and deeply engaged?”
“What is my life story and how does it relate to this application?”
“Where do I want to go?”
“Who do I want to be?”
“What have I learned from my past?”
“How can I explain my past experiences?”
“How would my friends and family describe me to a stranger?”
“What obstacles have I overcome and how does it make me who I am today?”
Asking yourself questions like these will open up your mind to new ideas on how to write your personal statement.
You may need to write a personal statement for a university, scholarship, or job application.
University application. When you’re writing a personal statement for a school application, you’ll usually have a few paragraphs to get your point across. These prompts tend to be more open-ended and give you a chance to explain why you want to attend that school, how you align with their program, and why you are an excellent fit for the schoolâs culture.
A personal statement for a graduate program needs to be much sharper and more focused. At this point in your education, you’re expected to know precisely where you’d like to turn your academic focus and be able to communicate that efficiently.
Scholarship application. When you need to write a personal statement for a grant or scholarship application, you want to make sure you align your values and purpose with the providers. These can be tricky to write, but theyâre like a careful balance between personal statements for school and work.
Job application. For work-related personal statements, youâll want to focus on your skills and qualifications more than your personality. Employers are more concerned with how you can meet their skill requirements. Professional personal statements tend to be shorter, so thereâs less space to talk about anything but your qualifications.
Here are two examples of shorts personal statement for graduate program applications:
From the moment I stepped into the lab, smelled the clean scent of fresh lab coats, and saw the beakers glistening under the light, I felt an excitement to learn that hasnât left me since. Each time I enter the lab, I feel the same flutter of my heart and a sense of purpose. I want to continue to chase this feeling while contributing to a broader scientific knowledge catalog, which I know the Graduate Biology Program at City University will allow me to do. I want to continue the research I started in college on communicable diseases while gaining a critical education. City Universityâs program emphasizes in-class and hands-on learning, a perfect combination for my learning style.
As a graduate of State University with a B.S. in Biology, I have the foundation to build my knowledge and experience. While at State University, I worked in a lab researching the efficacy of a new flu vaccine. There, I managed other student researchers, worked as a liaison between the professor running the lab and students and managed the data reports. I am ready to bring my extensive experience to City University classrooms while learning from my peers. I am eager to begin the coursework at City University, and I believe I am uniquely prepared to contribute to the campus culture and research efforts. I look forward to stepping into City University’s lab in the fall and feeling the familiar excitement that drives me to pursue a graduate program and learn more about public health.
If you need to write a professional personal statement, hereâs a sample you can model yours after:
As a recent graduate of State University with a B.A. in Communications, I am prepared to take what I have learned in the classroom and bring my work ethic and go-getter attitude to ABC Company. I believe that I have the skills and experience to excel as a Marketing Coordinator from my first day. My classes in Digital Communication, Social Media Marketing, and Business Management and my work as Outreach Chair of the university newspaper have prepared me to take on responsibilities as I learn more about the field. I also believe that my dedication to animal welfare aligns with the ABC Companyâs goal of finding loving homes for all of their foster pets and makes me especially interested in this position.
What do I write in a personal statement?
A personal statement should include an introduction, your relevant skills/experiences, and your goals. You want to keep your personal statement relevant for the program or job in question. Make sure to show your passion and indicate what you’d like to do with the degree or opportunity.
How do you start off a personal statement?
Start your personal statement by introducing yourself. Give a brief snapshot of your background that also describes why you’re passionate about this field or area of study in particular. Another powerful way to start off a personal statement is with a significant accomplishment that immediately speaks to your relevant skill set and experience.
What exactly is a personal statement?
A personal statement is a brief statement that sums up your qualifications. A personal statement is a brief written document that university admissions boards, scholarship programs, and sometimes hiring managers require from applicants. A personal statement’s purpose is to show the reader that you are qualified, fully invested in the aims of the program, and have plans for what you would do if granted the opportunity.
How do you write a 500-word personal statement?
To write a 500-word personal statement, start by writing without worrying about the word count. If your personal statement is too long, look for sentences that include skills, experiences, or qualifications that aren’t strictly related to the requirements or aims of the program/job you’re applying for and remove them.
If your personal statement is too short, go back to the program, scholarship, or job description. Make note of the preferred experiences and required skills. For example, if you’ve included a skill in your personal statement without experience to back it up, consider adding a brief story that shows you putting that skill into action.
How useful was this post?
Click on a star to rate it!
Average rating / 5. Vote count:
No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.
![example of strong personal statement ' src=](https://www.zippia.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/amandacov.jpg)
Amanda is a writer with experience in various industries, including travel, real estate, and career advice. After taking on internships and entry-level jobs, she is familiar with the job search process and landing that crucial first job. Included in her experience is work at an employer/intern matching startup where she marketed an intern database to employers and supported college interns looking for work experience.
Recent Job Searches
- Registered Nurse Jobs Resume Location
- Truck Driver Jobs Resume Location
- Call Center Representative Jobs Resume Location
- Customer Service Representative Jobs Resume
- Delivery Driver Jobs Resume Location
- Warehouse Worker Jobs Resume Location
- Account Executive Jobs Resume Location
- Sales Associate Jobs Resume Location
- Licensed Practical Nurse Jobs Resume Location
- Company Driver Jobs Resume
Related posts
![example of strong personal statement](https://www.zippia.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/lying-on-your-resume.png)
Lying On Your Resume: Everything You Need To Know
![example of strong personal statement](https://www.zippia.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/what-is-resume-paper-and-how-to-choose-the-best-kind.png)
What Is Resume Paper? (And How To Choose The Best Kind)
![example of strong personal statement](https://www.zippia.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/3-1.jpg)
How To Write A Resume Objective Statement With Examples
![example of strong personal statement](https://www.zippia.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/chatgptforinterviewpreparation.png)
ChatGPT For Interview Preparation
- Career Advice >
![example of strong personal statement StandOut CV](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/cropped-SOCV-logo-e1605371415778.png)
CV personal statement examples
![example of strong personal statement Andrew Fennell photo](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Andrew-Fennell-photo.png)
If you want to secure job interview, you need a strong personal statement at the top of your CV.
Your CV personal statement is a short paragraph which sits at the very top of your CV – and it’s aim is to summarise the benefits of hiring you and encourage employers to read your CV in full.
In this guide I have included 17 CV personal statement examples from a range of professions and experience levels, plus a detailed guide of how to write your own personal statement that will get you noticed by employers
CV templatesÂ
17 CV personal statement examples
To start this guide, I have included 10 examples of good personal statements, to give you an idea of how a personal statement should look , and what should be included.
Note: personal statements are generally used by junior candidates – if you are experienced, check out our CV profile examples instead.
Graduate CV personal statement (no experience)
![example of strong personal statement Graduate with no experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Graduate-with-no-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
Although this graduate has no paid work experience, they compensate for it by showcasing all of the skills and knowledge the have gained during their studies, and demonstrating how they apply their knowledge in academic and personal projects.
When you have little or no experience, it’s important to draw out transferable workplace skills from your studies and extracurricular work, to showcase them to employers.
Graduate CV personal statement (part time freelance experience)
![example of strong personal statement Graduate with part time freelance experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Graduate-with-part-time-freelance-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
This candidate has graduated with a degree in biochemistry but actually wants to start a career in digital marketing after providing some digital freelance services to fund their studies.
In this case, they haven’t made much mention of their studies because they aren’t relevant to the digital marketing agencies they are applying to. Instead they have focused their personal statement around their freelance work and passion for the digital field – although they still mention the fact they are degree educated to prove their academic success.
![example of strong personal statement CV builder](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/CV-builder-mob.png)
Build your CV nowÂ
School leaver CV personal statement (no experience)
![example of strong personal statement School leaver with no experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/School-leaver-with-no-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
This candidate is 16 years old and has no work experience whatsoever, but they compensate for this by detailing their academic achievements that relate to the roles they are applying for (maths and literacy are important requirements in finance and accountancy roles).
They also add some info on their extracurricular activities and school work-placements, to strengthen this student CV further.
  Top tips for writing a CV personal statement
- Thoroughly research the jobs and companies you are planning to apply for to identify the type of candidate they are looking for – try to reflect that in your personal statement
- Don’t be afraid to brag a little – include some of your most impressive achievements from education, work or personal life
- Focus on describing the benefits an employer will get from hiring you. Will you help them to get more customers? Improve their workplace? Save them time and money?
- If you have no work experience, demonstrate transferable workplace skills from your education, projects, or even hobbies
School leaver CV personal statement (part time experience)
![example of strong personal statement School leaver with part time experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/School-leaver-with-part-time-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
Although this person has only just left school, they have also undertaken some part-time work in a call centre alongside their studies.
To make the most of this experience, they have combined their academic achievements with their workplace exposure in this personal statement.
By highlighting their GCSE results, summer programme involvement, work experience and expressing their ambitions to progress within sales, this candidate really makes an appealing case for hiring them.
College leaver CV personal statement (no experience)
![example of strong personal statement College leaver with no experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/College-leaver-with-no-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
This candidate has left college with good grades, but does not yet have any work experience.
To compensate for the lack of workplace exposure, they have made their A level results prominent and highlighted skills and experience which would benefit the employers they are targeting.
Any recruiter reading this profile can quickly understand that this candidate has great academic achievements, a passion for IT and finance and the ability to transfer their skills into an office environment.
College student CV personal statement (freelance experience)
![example of strong personal statement College student with freelance experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/College-student-with-freelance-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
As this student has picked up a small amount of freelance writing work during their studies, they have made sure to brag about it in their personal statement.
They give details on their relevant A level studies to show the skills they are learning, and boost this further by highlighting the fact that they have been applying these skills in a real-life work setting by providing freelance services.
They also include key action verbs that recruiters will be looking for , such as creative writing, working to deadlines, and producing copy.
Academic CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Academic CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Academic-CV-personal-statement.png)
Aside from junior candidates, the only other people who might use a personal statement, are academic professionals; as their CV’s tend to be more longer and detailed than other professions.
This candidate provides a high level overview of their field of study, length of experience, and the roles they have held within universities.
School leaver CV personal statement with and sports experience
![example of strong personal statement School leaver with part time experience CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/School-leaver-with-sports-experience-CV-personal-statement.png)
Although this person has no work experience, they are still able to show employers the value of hiring them by selling their other achievements and explaining how they could benefit an organisation.
They expand on their sports club involvement to demonstrate their teamwork, leadership skills, communication and motivation, which are all important traits in the workplace, and will be looked upon favourably by recruiters and hiring managers.
They also draw upon their future plans to study business studies and take a part time job, to further prove their ambition and dedication.
History graduate CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement History graduate CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/History-graduate-CV-personal-statement.png)
This history graduate proves their aptitude for both academic achievement and workplace aptitude by showcasing valuable skills from their degree and voluntary work.
They do this by breaking down the key requirements for each and showing how their skills could be beneficial for future employers, such as listening, communication, and crisis management.
They also describe how their ability to balance studies alongside voluntary work has not only boosted their knowledge and skills, but also given excellent time management and organisational skills â which are vital assets to any employer.
Law graduate CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Law graduate CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Law-graduate-CV-personal-statement.png)
This legal graduate makes the most from their work university work placements by using it to bulk out the contents of their CV personal statement.
They include their degree to show they have the necessary qualifications for legal roles, which is crucial, but more importantly, they showcase how they applied their legal skills within a real-life work setting.
They give a brief overview of the types of legal professionals they have been working alongside and the type of work they have been carrying out â this is all it takes to get the attention of recruiters and show employers they have what it takes to fulfil roles in the legal sector.
Medical student CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Medical student CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Medical-student-CV-personal-statement.png)
This medical student proves their fit for the role by showcasing the key skills they have gained from their studies and their work experience placements.
In just these few sentences, they are able to highlight the vast amount of experience they have across different disciplines in the industry, something which is particularly important in the medical sector.
As they have not graduated yet and are still studying, they have provided proof of their most recent grades. This can give the recruiter some indication as to the type of grade they could be graduating with in the near future.
Masters student CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Masters student CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Masters-student-CV-personal-statement-1.png)
This masters student has started by specifying their area of study, in this case, accounting, and given details about the specific areas of finance they are most interested in. This can hint towards their career goals and passions.
They have then carefully listed some of the key areas of accounting and finance that they are proficient in. For example, business finance, advanced corporate finance and statistics.
They have also outlined some of the transferable skills needed for accounting roles that employers will be looking out for, such as communication, attention to detail and analytical skills.
Finance student CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Finance student CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Finance-student-CV-personal-statement.png)
As this finance student has recently undertaken some relevant work experience, theyâve made sure to shout about this in their personal profile.
But more than this, they have included a list of some of the important finance skills they gained as a result of this work experience – for example, financial reporting, processing invoices and month-end reconciliations.
Plus, through power words and phrases such as âprevent lossâ and â improve upon accuracy and efficiencyâ, they have also showcased how they can apply these skills in a workplace setting to benefit the potential employer.
Internship CV personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Internship CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Internship-CV-personal-statement.png)
This digital marketing professional has started their personal profile by outlining their most relevant qualifications and work experience, most notably their freelance role as a content manager.
They have also provided examples of some of the key marketing skills that potential employers might be looking for, including very detailed examples of the platforms and tools they are proficient in – for example, LinkedIn, Twitter and Pinterest.
They have then closed their statement by giving a detailed description of the type of role or opportunity they are looking for. In this case, an in-house position in a marketing company.
Graduate career changer personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Graduate career changer CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Graduate-career-changer-CV-personal-statement.png)
Switching careers as a graduate can be tough. Especially when it comes to writing a personal statement that will attract employers in your new chosen field.
This candidate is looking to move from history teaching into journalism, so they have created a statement which briefly mentions their current workplace, but mainly focuses on highlighting transferable skills which are relevant to journalism. They achieve this by discussing the writing skills they use in their current role, and mentioning their hobby of writing – including some publications they have been featured in for extra brownie points.
Business management graduate personal statement
![example of strong personal statement Business management graduate CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Business-management-graduate-CV-personal-statement.png)
This business management proves their ability to work within a junior business management position by swiftly highlighting their impressive degree (to ensure it is not missed) and summarising some of the real-life experience they have gained in management during their university placements and volunteering. They do not let their lack of paid work experience, stop them demonstrating their valuable skills.
PhD graduate
![example of strong personal statement PhD graduate CV personal statement](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/PHD-graduate-CV-personal-statement.png)
PhD graduate roles attract a lot of competition, so it’s important that your CV contains a personal statement that will quickly impress and attract recruiters.
This candidate provides a short-but-comprehensive overview of their academic achievements, whilst demonstrating their exceptional level of knowledge in research, languages and publication writing.
By highlighting a number of skills and abilities that are in high-demand in the academic workplace, this CV is very likely to get noticed and land interviews.
How to write a personal statement for your CV
Now that you’ve seen what a personal statement should look like and the type of content it should contain, follow this detailed guide to one for your own CV – and start racking those interviews up.
Guide contents
What is a CV personal statement?
Cv personal statement or cv profile, personal statement format, what to include in a cv personal statement.
- Personal statement mistakes
How to write persuasively
A personal statement is a short paragraph at the top of your CV which gives employers an overview of your education, skills and experience
It’s purpose is to capture the attention of busy recruiters and hiring managers when your CV is first opened – encouraging them to read the rest of it.
You achieve this by writing a tailored summary of yourself that explains your suitability for the roles you are applying for at a very high level, and matches your target job descriptions .
![example of strong personal statement Personal statement basics](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Personal-statement-basics.png)
One question candidates often ask me is , âwhat is the difference between a personal statement and a CV profile?â
To be honest, they are almost the same â they are both introductory paragraphs that sit at the top of your CV⊠but there are 2 main differences
A personal statement tends to be used more by junior candidates (graduates, school leavers etc.) and is relatively long and detailed.
A CV profile tends to be favoured by more experienced candidates , and is shorter in length than a personal statement.
![example of strong personal statement CV personal statement vs profile](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/CV-personal-statement-vs-profile.png)
Note: If you are an experienced candidate, you may want to switch over to my CV profile writing guide , or example CV profiles page.
To ensure you grab recruitersâ attention with your personal statement, lay it out in the following way.
Positioning
You need to ensure that your personal statement sits at the very top of your CV, and all of it should be totally visible to readers, without the need to scroll down the page.
Do this by reducing the top page margin and minimising the space taken up by your contact details.
![example of strong personal statement CV margins](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/Resume-margins.png)
This will ensure that your whole personal statement can be seen, as soon as your CV is opened.
We have a Word CV template which can help you to get this right.
Size/length
Your personal statement needs to contain enough detail to provide an introduction to your skills and knowledge, but not so much detail that it bores readers.
To strike the right balance, anything between 8-15 lines of text is perfect â and sentences should be sharp and to-the-point.
As with the whole of your CV or resume , your personal statement should be written in a simple clean font at around size 10-12 to ensure that it can be read easily by all recruiters and employers.
Keep the text colour simple , ensuring that it contrasts the background (black on white is best) and break it into 2 or even 3 paragraphs for a pleasant reading experience.
It should also be written in a punchy persuasive tone, to help you sell yourself and increase your chances of landing interviews , I cover how to do this in detail further down the guide.
Quick tip: A poorly written CV will fail to impress recruiters and employers. Use our quick-and-easy CV Builder to create a winning CV in minutes with professional CV templates and pre-written content for every industry.
Once you have the style and format of your personal statement perfected, you need to fill it with compelling content that tells recruiters that your CV is worth reading.
Hereâs what needs to go into your personal statementâŠ
Before you start writing your personal statement, itâs crucial that you research your target roles to find out exactly what your new potential employers are looking for in a candidate.
Run a search for your target jobs on one of the major job websites , look through plenty of adverts and make a list of the candidate requirements that frequently appear.
![example of strong personal statement Key words in job adverts](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Key-words-in-job-adverts.png)
This research will show you exactly what to include in your personal statement in order to impress the recruiters who will be reading it.
Education and qualifications are an important aspect of your personal statement, especially if you are a junior candidate.
You should highlight your highest and most relevant qualifications, whether that is a degree, A levels or GCSEs. You could potentially go into some more detail around modules, papers etc. if they are relevant to the roles you are applying for.
Itâs important that you discuss the experience you have gained in your personal statement, to give readers an idea of the work you are comfortable undertaking.
This can of course be direct employed work experience, but it doesnât have to be.
You can also include:
- School/college Uni work placements
- Voluntary work
- Personal projects
- Hobbies/interests
As with all aspects of your CV , the content should be tailored to match the requirements of your target roles.
Whilst discussing your experience, you should touch upon skills used, industries worked in, types of companies worked for, and people you have worked with.
Where possible, try to show the impact your actions have made. E.g . A customer service agent helps to make sales for their employer.
Any industry-specific knowledge you have that will be useful to your new potential employers should be made prominent within your personal statement.
For example
- Knowledge of financial regulations will be important for accountancy roles
- Knowledge of IT operating systems will be important for IT roles
- Knowledge of the national curriculum will be important for teachers
You should also include some information about the types of roles you are applying for, and why you are doing so. Try to show your interest and passion for the field you are hoping to enter, because employers want to hire people who have genuine motivation and drive in their work.
This is especially true if you donât have much work experience, as you need something else to compensate for it.
CV personal statement mistakes
The things that you omit from your personal statement can be just as important as the things you include.
Try to keep the following out of your personal statement..
Irrelevant info
Any information that doesnât fall into the requirements of your target roles can be cut out of your personal statement. For example, if you were a professional athlete 6 years ago, thatâs great â but it wonât be relevant if youâre applying to advertising internships, so leave it out.
Generic clichés
![example of strong personal statement Poor resume profile](https://standout-cv.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Poor-resume-profile-2.png)
If you are describing yourself as a â dynamic team player with high levels of motivation and enthusiasmâ you arenât doing yourself any favours.
These clichĂ© terms are vastly overused and donât provide readers with any factual details about you – so keep them to a minimum.
Stick to solid facts like education, skills , experience, achievements and knowledge.
If you really want to ensure that your personal statement makes a big impact, you need to write in a persuasive manner.
So, how do you so this?
Well, you need to brag a little â but not too much
Itâs about selling yourself and appearing confident, without overstepping the mark and appearing arrogant.
For example, instead of writing.
âMarketing graduate with an interest in entering the digital fieldâ
Be creative and excite the reader by livening the sentence up like this,
âMarketing graduate with highest exam results in class and a passion for embarking on a long and successful career within digitalâ
The second sentence is a much more interesting, makes the candidate appear more confident, throws in some achievements, and shows off a wider range of writing skills.
Quick tip: A poorly written CV will fail to impress recruiters and employers. Use our quick-and-easy CV Builder to create a winning CV in minutes with professional templates and pre-written content for every industry.
Your own personal statement will be totally unique to yourself, but by using the above guidelines you will be able to create one which shows recruiters everything they need.
Remember to keep the length between 10-20 lines and only include the most relevant information for your target roles.
You can also check our school leaver CV example , our best CV templates , or our library of example CVs from all industries.
Good luck with the job hunt!
![example of strong personal statement BrightLink Prep](https://brightlinkprep.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/BLPlogo.png)
500 Word Personal Statement Examples
by Talha Omer, MBA, M.Eng., Harvard & Cornell Grad
In personal statement samples by word limits.
Writing a 500-word personal statement can be more challenging than writing a 1000-word statement because of the need for brevity without missing out on important information . You have to carefully select and condense your thoughts, experiences, and aspirations into a limited space.
Every word has to count.
It requires focusing on the most essential details relevant to your field of interest , and removing any superfluous information that have no direct relation to your field , which can be a difficult task. It demands a higher level of clarity, conciseness, and focus compared to a longer statement, where you have more freedom to elaborate on your ideas and experiences.
In this article, I will be providing two samples of 500-word personal statements . These samples werewritten by applicants who were admitted to top schools in the US and Canada.
These examples aim to show how prospective applicants like you can seamlessly weave your passion, skills, and relevant experiences into a compelling narrative that is no more than 500 words long.
In writing these essays, the applicants have drawn upon key insights from a number of my previous writings on personal statements. You are also welcome to use my previous writings to help you write your personal statement.
In those posts Iâve discussed the art of constructing a captivating personal statement for grad school , and Iâve highlighted the pitfalls to avoid  to ensure your statement leaves a positive impression.
Iâve also shared valuable tips on structuring your personal statement  for clarity and readability, not to mention how to create a powerful opening  that grabs attention from the start. And letâs not forget about maintaining brevity while effectively telling your story, as well as offering a vast range of personal statement examples  from different fields for reference.
And yes, do not forget to explore my 8-point framework  that anyone can use to self-evaluate their personal statement. Complementing this, Iâve also created a 7-point guide  to help you steer clear of potential traps and missteps in your personal statement.
I encourage you to explore these topics in depth, as they will be useful while we explore the 500-word sample personal statements.
In this Article
What Should Be Included in a 500 Word Personal Statement?
My feedback on example 1, my in-depth feedback on example 1, my feedback on example 2, my in-depth feedback on example 2, is 500 words enough for a personal statement, how long does it take to write a 500 word personal statement.
A 500-word personal statement should include a compelling introduction to hook the reader’s attention, followed by a clear explanation of your interest in the field and relevant experiences , skills, and achievements. Avoid including irrelevant information, excessive detail, clichĂ©s, negative tone, and repetition. In short, f ocus on pertinent, clear, and genuine experiences that relate directly to your program of interest .
Here’s a guide on what to include:
- Introduction: A strong introduction not only catches the reader’s attention but also sets the tone for the rest of the personal statement. A personal anecdote could be a specific moment or event that sparked your interest in the field you’re pursuing.
A surprising fact could be a unique perspective or understanding that you’ve developed about your field. A statement that outlines your motivation could succinctly express what drives you towards this field or opportunity. The introduction should create curiosity and interest in the reader’s mind to know more about your story.
- Why You’re Interested: Here, you want to establish a clear connection between your interests and the opportunity you’re applying for. This could involve discussing the specific aspects of the opportunity that align with your passion or goals.
For example, if you’re applying for a business program because you’re interested in entrepreneurship, you might discuss specific courses, professors, or opportunities for hands-on learning within the program that excite you.
- Your Qualifications: This section should detail the experiences and skills that make you a strong candidate. For an academic program, you might discuss relevant coursework, projects, or research experience. For a job, you might talk about past roles, responsibilities, and accomplishments.
The key here is to not just list experiences, but to demonstrate how these experiences have equipped you with skills or insights that make you a strong fit for the opportunity.
- Personal Growth: Reflect on the lessons learned from your experiences. For instance, managing a challenging project might have improved your problem-solving skills, or working in a team might have honed your collaboration and communication skills.
This reflection demonstrates your ability to learn from experience and your readiness for future challenges. It also shows self-awareness, which is an attractive trait in any candidate.
- Your Goals and Aspirations: Show the reader that you have a vision for your future, and that the opportunity you’re applying for aligns with this vision. For example, if you aspire to become a software engineer, discuss how a computer science program would equip you with the necessary skills and knowledge. If you hope to work in a specific industry, discuss how the opportunity would provide you with relevant experience or connections.
- Conclusion: The conclusion is your final chance to leave an impression. Summarize your key pointsâyour interest in the opportunity, your qualifications, your personal growth, and your future goals. Restate your excitement about the opportunity, and leave the reader with a sense of your passion, commitment, and suitability for the opportunity.
While writing a 500-word personal statement, it’s important to maximize the impact of every word. Certain things should generally be avoided
Here’s a guide on what NOT to include:
- Irrelevant Information: Do not include experiences or skills that aren’t relevant to the application. It’s crucial to stay focused and pertinent.
For example, i f you’re applying for a Computer Science program, talking at length about your prowess in playing the trombone, without tying it back to skills or experiences relevant to computer science, may not be very helpful.
- Excessive Detail: You have limited space, so avoid overly detailed descriptions of events or experiences. Stick to what’s crucial for your story and purpose. Instead of detailing every single task and responsibility in a previous job, focus on the key responsibilities and achievements that showcase your skills and experiences.
- Clichés and Generalizations: Avoid clichés and general statements. Be specific and personal in your experiences and aspirations to stand out.
Phrases like “I want to save the world” or “I’m a people person” are very generic and don’t tell anything specific about you. Instead, use concrete examples to illustrate these traits.
- Negative Tone: While it’s important to be honest, avoid focusing excessively on negative experiences or failures. If you mention a setback, always connect it to a learning experience or growth.
Rather than dwelling on a low grade in a class, you could discuss how it motivated you to seek extra help, develop better study habits, or explore different learning strategies.
- Repetition: Avoid repeating the same ideas or experiences. It wastes valuable space and might bore the reader. If you’ve already mentioned that you were a leader of a club in college, you don’t need to repeat this fact later in your statement. Each point should contribute something new.
- Excuses: While it’s acceptable to explain extenuating circumstances, avoid making excuses for any shortcomings. Instead, focus on what you’ve learned or how you’ve grown from challenging situations.
Instead of saying “My grades suffered because my professor was terrible,” you could say, “I faced some academic challenges but sought out resources to improve my understanding and raised my grades by the end of the semester.”
- Overly Complex Language: Don’t use unnecessarily complex language or jargon in an attempt to impress. Clarity and genuine expression are most important.
Don’t say, “My magniloquent and erudite nature facilitates my academic pursuits,” when you can simply say, “My love for learning and strong communication skills support my academic success.”
In short, r emember to:
- Stay focused and specific. With only 500 words, every word counts.
- Show, don’t tell. Instead of saying you’re passionate about something, demonstrate it through your actions and experiences.
- Be genuine and authentic. The personal statement is your chance to show who you are beyond your grades or resume.
500 Word Personal Statement Example 1
Two years ago, I saw a massive opportunity in the e-commerce market of Norway. After dedicating months of sleepless nights, I launched an online clothing retail brand. Despite an institutional infrastructure and a development team of young professionals, I failed to sustain growth and was forced to shut down after a few months. I was only 22 years old at that time and lacked the experience to conduct market research, and gauge consumer behavior.
I am a great concept developer, but I lack business acumen. This failure was crucial in helping me carve out my career aspiration and convince me to pursue a degree in business and management with a focus on retail fashion.
After my startupâs failure, I joined Capgemini, where I slowly started to take on managerial responsibilities. As a product manager, I have managed the complete product development cycle of launching new products â from design to branding to customer experience. This versatile experience has enabled me to understand the market dynamics at the grass root level.
The graduate management program at Brock is a perfect fit. The extensive alumni network and emphasis on leadership have made it my natural choice. In addition, Brockâs great collaborative vibe makes you feel part of the community. The program will provide me with the opportunity to combine quantitative experience with sound business and managerial skills. In line with my career goals, my research interest is the global e-commerce fashion industry. I would like to have an in-depth knowledge of how the industry behaves in different countries. I will focus my research on the designer wear industry and its market trends. I am confident that the knowledge and skills I learned through working on a research project on E-Health Marketing and studying Research Methodology at my undergrad institution will also assist me in applying the research skills while working on my thesis.
My multidisciplinary background, and ability to understand an industryâs scientific realms will be imperative to my learning. The collaborative nature of the cohort will challenge me every day. The diverse people from around the world, the work hard play hard attitude, and the faculty will all converge to something outstanding.
After graduating, my immediate goal is to work in Canada for a few years, preferably in the fashion industry. This will allow me to apply my knowledge and taste the flavor of the global professional world. I would aim to serve numerous facets of work by combining my undergraduate and graduate education, ideally in the retail marketing department of a company. Eventually, I aim to return to Norway and fulfil my ambition of setting up a world-class online retail fashion marketplace and make it a success by leveraging the skills I would have developed at Brock through courses such as Consumer Behavior, B2B Marketing, and Services Marketing.
Your personal statement is thoughtful and provides a compelling narrative of your experiences and aspirations. Let’s break it down based on the criteria I provided:
- Introduction (4.5/5): Your intro is intriguing as you directly share your experience of trying to start an online clothing retail brand in Norway. It sets the tone for the rest of the essay.
- Why You’re Interested (4.5/5): You’ve done a good job of explaining why you want to pursue a degree in business and management, focusing on your startup experience.
- Your Qualifications (4/5): Your work experience at Capgemini is detailed and relevant. However, you might want to provide more specifics about your achievements or any impact you made in this role.
- Personal Growth (4.5/5): The reflection on your failed startup and how it shaped your career aspirations is very effective. It shows your ability to learn from failures and to turn them into opportunities.
- Your Goals and Aspirations (4.5/5): Your plans for the future, both in the short and long term, are clear and directly tied to the program you’re applying for.
- Conclusion (4.5/5): The connection between your past experiences, current pursuits, and future goals is well drawn, leaving a strong concluding impression.
Additional points:
- Your reasons for choosing Brock’s graduate management program are well-articulated. The reference to specific courses shows that you’ve done your research.
- The paragraph about your research interests adds depth to your statement, though it might be beneficial to tie this more explicitly to your career goals.
- Some sentences could be tightened or made more concise to keep your statement within the 500-word limit, without losing important content.
Overall, your personal statement is quite strong. It’s clear, engaging, and effectively demonstrates your motivation, experiences, and goals. It shows resilience, ambition, and a clear desire to learn and grow.
- Introduction: The opening is strong. It succinctly introduces your entrepreneurial experience, along with a setback that has clearly shaped your professional aspirations. There is, however, room for added color or detail to make the story more engaging. For example, what was unique about the clothing brand you launched? Did a specific incident or experience lead to its conception?
- Why You’re Interested: You do a good job of outlining your interest in business and management with a focus on retail fashion. The link between your failed startup and your decision to pursue further education in this field is well-made, showing an ability to learn from failures and pivot.
- Your Qualifications: Your experiences at Capgemini sound impressive, but more specifics would enhance this section. For example, were there any significant achievements or impacts from your product management role? Can you quantify the success of the products you launched or share some measurable outcomes of your work?
- Personal Growth: You highlight your self-awareness and willingness to learn. You’re demonstrating an understanding of your strengths and areas for improvement, which shows maturity and self-reflection.
- Why this Program: You show good research into Brock’s graduate management program. Mentioning the alumni network, the emphasis on leadership, and the collaborative environment helps to illustrate why the program is a good fit for you. It might be beneficial to connect these program features more explicitly with your own goals and how they will help you achieve them.
- Your Goals and Aspirations: Your career aspirations are well-articulated and link well with your proposed studies and experiences. It’s great that you’re focusing on a specific industry (e-commerce fashion) and you’ve clearly outlined your future plans. However, you could make it even clearer how exactly the Brock program and its specific courses will help you achieve these specific goals.
- Conclusion: Your conclusion effectively ties together your past experiences, current interests, and future goals. The mention of a “work hard play hard attitude” is a bit unclear, though, and might be better replaced with a more specific statement about your work ethic or approach.
If you want me to review, critique, and give detailed feedback on your personal statement, then please share your email with us  [email protected]
500 Word Personal Statement Example 2
I have taken all my blessings for granted for most of my life. In a favourable comparison, I realized I was better off than most of my peers. For example, my father had a successful restaurant business in France; I was studying at the best college in Dubai, and most importantly, I was one of the very few who afforded an international education, which I completed in 2021 when I did my Masterâs in Supply Chain and Logistics Management (SCLM) from Warwick University.
It wasnât until after I graduated from SCLM that I realized how much of an advantage I had over my peers. From day one, I had access to a business â an opportunity the majority didnât have. In this business, I worked with many experts, from food experts to suppliers to clients to app designers. My role was more of a consulting one, which included massive collection and analyses of information. It also included formulating and testing hypotheses and developing and communicating recommendations across all aspects of the restaurantâs supply chain. Unfortunately, however, due to unavoidable personal reasons, I had to move back to Dubai, where I joined Nestle.
While working at Nestle, I observed that many people worked their whole lives to climb the corporate ladder so that they could work on company-wide strategic problems. At the same time, external consultants to Nestle (such as IBM, Accenture, Mckinsey etc.) skip the years of executing day-to-day duties and jump straight to working on and solving these problems. At Nestle, we only work as mediators between the company and the consultants. However, the consultants do the actual chunk of quality work. The quickest way to get into the consulting industry is via a formal degree in Business Consulting. Therefore, the need for this education is of utmost importance to me.
During my interaction with one of Warwickâs graduates, who also happens to work in consulting, I found that IBM and Deloitte Consulting visit Warwick and help students develop consulting skills. Also, I am excited about joining professional networks at Warwick. These will allow me to learn from industry leaders and collaborate with my peers to explore the latest industry practices. I can share my experience of taking bold steps, which reduced food waste by over 70% at the restaurant. Classes in Quantitative Methods and Consulting module will allow me to develop Consulting Expertise and apply quantitative techniques to solving complex problems. Courses such as Leading and Managing Change will hone my soft skills.
I want to make it into strategy consulting by utilizing Warwickâs presence in consulting. Ideally, I want to start a career where I can advise on strategic analysis and commercial negotiations. In the past, I have taken decisions which led to revolutionizing the food waste industry in France. By using the Warwick platform, backed up by a strong alum network, I can fulfil my career goal of becoming a resuscitator of the ailing industries of Dubai.
Your personal statement provides a strong sense of your experiences and ambitions. Here’s a more detailed breakdown based on the criteria:
- Introduction (4.5/5) : Your introduction captures the reader’s attention by creating a contrast between your earlier attitude and your current perspective. This successfully sets the stage for the rest of the personal statement.
- Why You’re Interested (4/5) :: Your interest in business consulting stems from your experiences working in your family’s restaurant and later at Nestle. This context makes your motivations clear and credible. However, you could further elaborate on why business consulting specifically attracts you compared to other professions.
- Your Qualifications (4/5) :: You provide concrete examples of your involvement in your family’s business and your role at Nestle. The anecdote about reducing food waste by 70% at the restaurant is particularly effective. It might be beneficial to give more specific examples of your achievements at Nestle as well.
- Personal Growth (4.5/5) :: The realization of the opportunities and advantages you’ve had in comparison to your peers is a critical turning point. This shows introspection and a willingness to leverage your advantages for the greater good.
- Your Goals and Aspirations (4/5) :: Your goal to work in strategy consulting and make a difference in Dubai’s industries is clear. It would be even more impactful if you could elaborate on why this is important to you. Is there a particular industry or issue you’re passionate about addressing?
- Conclusion (4.5/5) :: You effectively connect your past experiences, current education pursuit, and future goals, leaving a strong concluding impression.
- Your reasons for choosing Warwick are clear and well-researched. Your reference to specific modules and networks demonstrates a deep understanding of what the program can offer.
- There are some lengthy sentences that could be broken down for clarity and readability.
- The last part of your statement could benefit from a summary or a concluding sentence that reinforces your main points.
- Introduction: Your introduction immediately acknowledges the privileged position you’ve had throughout life, creating a contrast to many personal narratives. You offer context by providing details about your father’s business and your international education. However, an engaging anecdote or more personal insights could further draw in the reader.
- Why You’re Interested: You do well to connect your interest in business consulting with your unique experiences in your father’s business and the realization of your advantage. Providing specifics about the tasks and challenges you undertook in the family business could further strengthen this section.
- Your Qualifications: Your work at Nestle and the consulting tasks you performed are compelling. It’s clear you’ve gained experience in the field. However, specific accomplishments or experiences during your time at Nestle would further demonstrate your qualifications and enhance this part.
- Personal Growth: Your experience of observing the different roles and hierarchies within Nestle provides insight into your growth and understanding of the industry. But highlighting what you learned about yourself in these roles, perhaps in terms of skills, attitudes or perspectives, would enhance the demonstration of personal growth.
- Why this Program: Your reasons for choosing the program at Warwick are well-articulated. You’ve done your research and understand how the program’s features align with your career objectives. Including how these features will address your specific needs or fill your skills gap could add depth to this section.
- Your Goals and Aspirations: You articulate your career aspirations clearly, highlighting your desire to enter strategic consulting and your specific interest in commercial negotiations. However, connecting these goals more directly to your past experiences or explaining why these particular goals attract you could make this section more impactful.
- Conclusion: Your conclusion ties your experiences, the program at Warwick, and your career goals together effectively. It leaves a strong impression and demonstrates that you have a clear direction for your future.
The length of a personal statement can vary greatly depending on the requirements of the specific application or organization.
Generally, 500 words is sufficient for a personal statement. It can force you to focus on the most crucial aspects of your story, qualifications, and aspirations, leading to a more precise and compelling narrative.
Admissions committees often review hundreds of personal statements, and their time for each one is limited. On average, they may only spend about three minutes per essay. It is therefore imperative that you respect their time and keep your statement concise and impactful. Avoid long-winded narratives that do not contribute significant value to your application.
Remember, the objective is to deliver as much meaningful information as possible in a condensed form. Extraneous details that do not directly support your candidacy can detract from the effectiveness of your statement. Equally important is to engage the reader; a monotonous, unexciting statement could be easily forgotten amidst a sea of applications. Strive to make your personal statement not only informative but also compelling, to stand out in the minds of the committee members.
The amount of time it takes to write a 500-word personal statement can vary greatly depending on several factors: your familiarity with the subject, your writing skills, the amount of planning you’ve done, and the number of revisions you intend to make.
On average, writing a 500-word personal statement takes 15-20 hours of focused time and effort.
The process of writing a personal statement can be divided into several stages, each requiring a portion of the total time. Here’s a possible breakdown of the 15-20 hours:
- Brainstorming and Planning (3-4 hours): During this stage, you’ll think about your experiences, skills, and goals, and how they align with the opportunity you’re applying for.
- Drafting (4-5 hours): Once you have a clear plan, you can start writing your statement. This stage involves translating your ideas into a coherent narrative.
- Revising (6-8 hours): This is usually the most time-consuming stage. You’ll need to review your statement, making changes to improve its content, structure, clarity, and style. It’s a good idea to have others review your statement and provide feedback during this stage.
- Proofreading and Finalizing (2-3 hours): Finally, you’ll proofread your statement carefully to catch any errors and make final adjustments.
It’s advisable to start early to give yourself plenty of time to revise and polish your statement. Remember, a strong personal statement can be a key component of your application, so it’s worth investing the time to make it as good as it can be.
WANT MORE AMAZING ARTICLES ON GRAD SCHOOL PERSONAL STATEMENTS?
- 100+ Outstanding Examples of Personal Statements
- The Ultimate Guide to Writing a Winning Personal Statement
- Common Pitfalls to Avoid in Your Personal Statement
- Writing a Killer Opening Paragraph for Your Personal Statement
- Ideal Length for a Graduate School Personal Statement
- 100 Inspiring Quotes to Jumpstart Your Personal Statement
100 Word Personal Statement Sample
A personal statement is an integral part of any university application. Some programs have strict word limits in place, while others do not have any word limits. Here is an example of a 100-word limit personal statement that was admitted to top programs in the US and...
150 Word Personal Statement Sample
A personal statement is an integral part of any university application. Some programs have strict word limits in place, while others do not have any word limits. Here is an example of a 150-word limit personal statement that was admitted to top programs in the US and...
800 Word Personal Statement Sample
A personal statement is an integral part of any university application. Some programs have strict word limits in place, while others do not have any word limits. Here is an example of a 800-word limit personal statement that was admitted to top programs in the US and...
1000 Word Personal Statement Sample
A personal statement is an integral part of any university application. Some programs have strict word limits in place, while others do not have any word limits. Here is an example of a 1000-word limit personal statement that was admitted to top programs in the US and...
700 Word Personal Statement Sample
A personal statement is an integral part of any university application. Some programs have strict word limits in place, while others do not have any word limits. Here is an example of a 700-word limit personal statement that was admitted to top programs in the US and...
WANT AMAZING ARTICLES ON GRAD SCHOOL PERSONAL STATEMENTS?
- 100+ Personal Statement Templates
- How to start a personal statement: The attention grabber
Applying to university
- Getting started
- UCAS Tariff points
- Calculate your UCAS Tariff points
- Amendments to the Tariff consultation
- Offer rate calculator
- How to use the offer rate calculator
- Understanding historical entry grades data
- Admissions tests
- Deferred entry
- Personal statement advice and example: computer science
- Personal statement advice: English
- Personal statement advice: Midwifery
- Personal statement advice: animal science
- Personal statement advice: biology
- Personal statement advice: business and management
- Personal statement advice: chemistry
- Personal statement advice: dance
- Personal statement advice: dentistry
- Personal statement advice: drama
- Personal statement advice: economics
- Personal statement advice: engineering
- Personal statement advice: geography
- Personal statement advice: history
- Personal statement advice: law
- Personal statement advice: maths
- Personal statement advice: media studies and journalism
- Personal statement advice: medicine
- Personal statement advice: modern languages
- Personal statement advice: music
- Personal statement advice: nursing
- Personal statement advice: pharmacy
- Personal statement advice: physiotherapy
- Personal statement advice: politics
- Personal statement advice: psychology
- Personal statement advice: social work
- Personal statement advice: sociology
- Personal statement advice: sports science
- Personal statement advice: statistics
- Personal statement advice: teacher training and education
- Personal statement advice: veterinary medicine
- Personal statement: finance and accounting
- Filling in your application
- Staying safe online
- How to write a personal statement that works for multiple courses
- How To Write Your Undergraduate Personal Statement
- Fraud and similarity
How to end your personal statement
- Introducing the personal statement tool
- Personal statement dos and don'ts
- What to include in a personal statement
- Using AI and ChatGPT to help you with your personal statement
- Using your personal statement beyond a university application
- Carers, estranged students, refugees, asylum seekers, and those with limited leave to remain
- Personal statement guides
- References for mature students
The best statements tend to be genuine and specific from the very start. You'll be on the right track if you show your enthusiasm for the subject or course, your understanding of it, and what you want to achieve.
Admissions tutors â the people who read and score your personal statement â say donât get stressed about trying to think of a âkiller openingâ. Discover the advice below and take your time to think about how best to introduce yourself.
Liz Bryan: HE Coordinator and Careers Advisor, Queen Elizabeth Sixth Form College
Preparing to write your personal statement.
Start by making some notes . The personal statement allows admissions tutors to form a picture of who you are. So, for the opener, think about writing down things, such as:
- why youâre a good candidate
- your motivations
- what brings you to this course
If youâre applying for multiple courses , think about how your skills, academic interests, and the way you think are relevant to all the courses you've chosen.
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://www.ucas.com/sites/default/files/styles/content_panel/public/media-brightcove/6312290208112.jpg?itok=zx34aEaC)
Top tips on how to write your statement opener
We spoke to admissions tutors at unis and colleges â read on for their tips.
1. Don't begin with the overkill opening
Try not to overthink the opening sentence. You need to engage the reader with your relevant thoughts and ideas, but not go overboard .
Tutors said: âThe opening is your chance to introduce yourself, to explain your motivation for studying the course and to demonstrate your understanding of it. The best personal statements get to the point quickly. Go straight in. What excites you about the course and why do you want to learn about it more?â
Be succinct and draw the reader in, but not with a gimmick. This isn't the X Factor. Admissions tutor
2. Write about why you want to study that course
Think about why you want to study the course and how you can demonstrate this in your written statement :
âYour interest in the course is the biggest thing. Start with a short sentence that captures the reason why youâre interested in studying the area youâre applying for and that communicates your enthusiasm for it. Don't waffle or say you want to study something just because it's interesting. Explain what you find interesting about it.â
It's much better to engage us with something interesting, relevant, specific and current in your opening line⊠Start with what's inspiring you now, not what inspired you when you were six. Admissions tutor
3. Avoid cliches
Try to avoid cliches and the most obvious opening sentences so you stand out from the very first line . UCAS publishes a list of common opening lines each year. Here are just some overused phrases to avoid using in your personal statement:
- From a young ageâŠ
- For as long as I can rememberâŠ
- I am applying for this course becauseâŠ
- I have always been interested inâŠ
- Throughout my life I have always enjoyedâŠ
And try not to use quotes . Quotations are top of the list of admissions tutors' pet hates.
4. Maybe don't begin at the start?
âConcentrate on the main content of your statement and write the introduction last. I think the opening line is the hardest one to write, so I often say leave it until the end and just try and get something down on paper.â
It may be easier to get on with writing the main content of your statement and coming back to the introduction afterwards âthat way you will also know what youâre introducing.
I often advise applicants to start with paragraph two, where you get into why you want to study the course. That's what we're really interested in. Admissions tutor
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://www.ucas.com/sites/default/files/styles/content_panel/public/media-brightcove/6312360218112.jpg?itok=y_NeB9S7)
The personal statement tool image
Donât be tempted to copy or share your statement.
UCAS scans all personal statements through a similarity detection system to compare them with previous statements.
Any similarity greater than 30% will be flagged and we'll inform the universities and colleges to which you have applied.
Find out more
Joseph bolton: year 2 history& politics student, university of liverpool.
- Do talk about you and your enthusiasm for the subject from the very start.
- Do be specific. Explain what you want to study and why in the first two sentences.
- Do come back to the opening sentences if you canât think what to write straightaway.
- Donât waste time trying to think of a catchy opening.
- Don't waffle â simply explain what you find interesting about the subject and show that you know what you are applying for.
- Don't rely on someone else's words. It's your statement after all â they want to know what you think.
One final thought
Think about making a link between your opening sentence and closing paragraph â a technique sometimes called the 'necklace approachâ.
You can reinforce what you said at the start or add an extra dimension. For example, if you started with an interesting line about whatâs currently motivating you to study your chosen degree course, you could link back to it at the end, perhaps with something about why youâd love to study this further at uni.
Need more advice?
- Struggling with the conclusion to your personal statement? Read our guide on how to finish your statement the right way .
- Read more dos and donâts when writing your personal statement .
- Discover what to include in your personal statement .
- Start your opening sentences with our personal statement builder now.
Start your search now
Get your UCAS Hub
Your place to discover your options and research your future.
You might also like to read
Sponsored articles ucas media service, clearing - secure your place with us., ucb weâve got your back apply now, clearing places with housing guarantee.
Dos and don'ts of resume personal statements
A good personal statement can make your resume catch a recruiter's eye. We'll show you how to write a solid personal statement highlighting your unique skills, experiences, and professional goals. Whatever career stage you're in, we've got you covered. Read on to find information on the topic, resume personal statement examples, and helpful tips to help you stand out in the job market.
- What is a personal statement?
- Key elements to include in a personal statement
- Personal statement examples
- Tips on writing a personal statement for your resume
- Formatting and structuring your statement
- Common mistakes when writing a personal statement
- Bottom line
What is a personal statement? Â
Think of a personal statement as a quick snapshot of yourself on your resume. It's a brief section that tells employers what kind of employee you are. Sometimes, it's also called resume objectives or CV personal statement.
The personal statement shows your goals and what makes you unique. It can be used to show how your skills, experiences, and job goals make you stand out from other applicants. This can significantly affect how the employer sees you as a potential employee.
It's your chance to add personality, passion, and purpose to your resume. You can make an impression that will make you shine during your job search.
Key elements to include in a personal statement Â
To make a great resume summary, remember these important points that help a hiring manager understand who you are professionally:
- Who you are: Start by briefly saying who you are. Give a short but clear summary of your work background.
- Summary of your experiences : Give a brief outline of your career. Focus on crucial turning points, accomplishments, and related experiences. This part overviews your career path and shows how broad or deep your knowledge is.
- Your value as an employee: Explain what makes you special. Talk about the skills, qualities, and experiences that make you different from others applying for the job. Show how your experience matches the company's needs and how you can help them succeed.
- Your career objectives : At the end of your resume objective statement, list your career goals and ambitions. Make your short and long-term career goals clear. This shows that you're committed to professional growth and development.
Personal statement examples Â
A good personal statement can be an important part of shaping your career, whether youâre a recent graduate or an experienced professional. Here are some examples of personal statements from different career stages. They show off relevant skills, experiences, and goals of job seekers.
Personal statement examples for students looking for internships
"I am a driven undergraduate student majoring in marketing, seeking internship opportunities to apply classroom knowledge in real-world settings. I have a proven ability to develop client relationships and execute marketing strategies. I am ready to share new thoughts and learn from people with more experience."
"Dedicated undergraduate student studying mechanical engineering, looking for an internship opportunity to apply theoretical knowledge to practical projects. Skilled with CAD tools and has experience making prototypes. Possesses strong critical thinking skills and takes the necessary steps to solve problems. Excellent collaborator who is always looking to learn and improve."
Personal statement example for fresh graduates
"I am a recent finance bachelor's degree holder with a solid grasp of financial principles and robust analytic abilities. I have operated effectively in dynamic settings and provided precise financial analysis. I am seeking an entry-level role in financial analysis to utilise my academic knowledge and contribute to organisational success."
"Highly motivated human resource management graduate who is deeply committed to cultivating positive work environments. Proficient in employee relations, performance management, and recruitment. Seeking an HR position to implement academic knowledge and acquire practical experience."
Personal statement examples for working professionals
"I am an experienced sales manager with more than five years of experience in B2B sales. I am currently looking to resume my professional career. I have a proven history of exceeding sales goals, building strong relationships with clients, and establishing vital client leads. I am looking for a challenging sales manager position where I can use my leadership skills to coach a team of top performers and make the company more profitable."
"I am an accomplished project manager with a background in information technology. I am skilled at coordinating the efforts of diverse teams to complete challenging assignments on schedule and within budget. I have consistently reduced risk and guaranteed project success. I am seeking new opportunities to apply my project management expertise in a dynamic environment."
Personal statement example for workers making mid-career transitions
"Experienced marketer ready to move into digital advertising. Skilled in both digital and conventional marketing tactics, with a particular focus on expanding brands' reach and interaction via online media. Seeks a position to use marketing talents to create modern digital advertising strategies."
"I am a project manager with extensive experience, with a career goal to work in sustainable development. I am passionate about positively affecting society and comfortable in a fast-paced environment. I have expertise at working with stakeholders and planning strategically."
Tips on writing a personal statement for your resume Â
Before you start writing your statement, think about the following tips.
Selecting the most impactful experiences to share
Carefully choose which experiences to highlight in your CV personal statement. Consider the following aspects to guarantee that you demonstrate the most effective ones:
- Relevance to job scope: Select experiences and relevant qualifications that directly relate to the needs of your desired role.
- Significance of results: Highlight experiences in which you achieved substantial results. Focus on your efforts and accomplishments.
- Business impact: Show how your work has increased the company's profits. Give numbers to support your results and explain how your work has helped the group succeed or grow.
Demonstrating problem-solving and leadership through past scenarios
In your resume personal statement, use examples from your past to show how you've solved problems and led others .
Try to give an example of your problem and how you solved it. Highlight situations when you were proactive, made tough choices, and helped others succeed.
Demonstrating that you can deal with problems and lead confidently shows you're ready for new tasks in your next job.
Keeping your personal statement concise
Write a short, clear, objective statement to help you hold the reader's attention. Here are some suggestions to help you keep your resume personal statement short:
- Editing: Carefully read over your resume and personal statement. Remove unnecessary details or repeated information, and ensure you only include the most useful and important facts.
- Clarity: Write clearly to make sure your message is easy to understand. Avoid using jargon or academic terms that the reader might not know.
- Length: Personal statements should be short but full of helpful information. There is no rigid word limit but keep your statement to a few brief lines that get to the point of who you are as a professional and what you want to achieve.
Formatting and structuring your statement Â
Here are some guidelines for making your objective statement more straightforward and organised.
Formatting tips for maximum readability
The layout of your resume personal statement affects how hiring managers read and interact with your content. To make sure your writing is easy to comprehend, consider the following:
- For a professional appearance, pick a classy font that's simple to read, such as Times New Roman, Arial, or Calibri.
- Keep the font size the same throughout the document. The best range is between 10pt and 12pt.
- When choosing the point of view, think about the tone and setting of your resume personal statement.
- First-person POV allows you to connect with the reader more directly, and third-person POV can present an air of professionalism and objectivity.
Pros and cons of each POV style
Both the first-person and the third-person POVs have pros and cons. A first-person POV makes it feel like the text is directed at the reader, but it can sometimes be too casual. On the other hand, a third-person POV seems objective and professional. This is common in formal settings but can feel impersonal or distant.
The POV you choose affects the way your personal statement reads. First-person POV creates a more personal and conversational tone. The third-person perspective conveys a feeling of formality and objectivity, setting a tone appropriate for formal papers.
Alignment with your overall resume style
Pick a POV for your personal statement that complements your resume's general tone and style. The document should flow from one section to the next. To make a good impression on recruiters, change the POV to fit the role, the company culture, and the business. If youâre applying for a creative role, you can make your resume stand out by matching the creative writing style of your prospective employer.
Resume personal statement in first-person POV
âWith a strong background in content marketing, I excel in writing, editing, content planning, and SEO. In my previous roles, I was committed to ensuring my team met deadlines and KPIs. I'm eager to leverage my skills and enthusiasm as Content Manager for the Singapore Creative Ad Agency.â
Resume personal statement in third-person POV
âHas a strong background in content marketing. Excels in writing, editing, content planning, and SEO. In previous roles, demonstrated a commitment to ensuring the team met deadlines and KPIs. Eager to leverage skills and enthusiasm as Content Manager for the Singapore Creative Ad Agency.â
Common mistakes when writing a personal statement Â
Avoid common clichés and overused phrases.
Don't include phrases such as "hardworking," "team player," and "results-oriented." They don't say much about you and won't help you stand out from other applicants.
What to leave out of your personal statements
Remove any old or useless information that doesn't fit with your story or add value to your application. For example, if your achievements as a high school student arenât relevant to your application, donât include them. Read the job description carefully before adding any information.
Bad personal statement examples
"Motivated individual seeking challenging opportunities to utilise analytical skills and grow within a dynamic organisation."
"Passionate team player with excellent communication skills and a strong work ethic."
"Detail-oriented professional with a proven track record of success in various roles."
These examples are too short and vague. They donât say anything about you as a person or employee. Make sure your personal statements showcase your unique traits and career path. Show your positive impact in your previous roles, and highlight what benefit your prospective employer can get from hiring you.
Bottom line Â
Personal statements can make or break a job application. Using the ideas, examples, and advice in this guide, you can write the best statement that catches the hiring managers interest and connects with them on a deeper level. Remember that your personal statement is more than just a summary of your work history. It's your chance to show potential employers what you can do and how passionate you are about the job.
- What should I write in my statement for a resume? Your statement should briefly summarise your professional attributes. It should cover relevant skills, experiences, and career goals that match the role you're pursuing. â
- Can you provide summary statements and examples for a job application? Yes! Here's an example: "As a seasoned marketing professional with a passion for innovation, I'm excited to leverage my expertise in digital marketing to enhance and energise your dynamic team at XYZ Company. Committed to driving tangible outcomes, I aim to contribute my skills in crafting impactful campaigns and utilising analytics to fuel your organisation's success." â
- How long should a personal statement be on a resume? A few sentences should be enough for a short but powerful statement. They should focus on the most relevant information that fits the job description. â
- What are some dos and don'ts for writing a resume personal statement? Dos: Personalise your statement for the position and company. Highlight your job-related abilities, experiences, and accomplishments. Don'ts: Avoid using clichĂ©s or generic phrases. Don't make it too long. â
- How can I make my statement stand out to employers? Make your personal statements special to each role you apply for. Think about your personal profile and the job description. Highlight your unique skills, accomplishments, and goals that match the role's needs. This will help you connect strongly with managers. â
- Are there any online tools to help me craft a personal statement? Yes, tools like Perfect Essay Writer, Paper Help, and BBQ Papers can help you improve and modify your personal statements by giving you language tips and reading-level feedback.
Top search terms
Popular on jobstreet, explore related topics, subscribe to career advice.
![example of strong personal statement BridgeU Logo](https://bridge-u.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/BridgeU-Logo-2.png)
How to Write a UCAS Personal Statement [With Examples]
![example of strong personal statement example of strong personal statement](https://bridge-u.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/how-to-write-a-personal-statement-1440x960-1.jpg)
James is senior content marketing manager at BridgeU. He writes and directs content for BridgeU's university partners and our community of international schools
What are the big challenges students should be aware of before writing their UCAS Personal Statement?
- The essential ingredients for writing a great Personal Statement
- How to write the UCAS Personal Statement [with examples]
Final hints & tips to help your students
Join 10,000 other counsellors & educators & get exclusive resources delivered straight to your inbox.
The UCAS Personal Statement can sometimes be a student’s only chance to impress a UK university. Read our in-depth guide to helping your students plan & write a winning application.
There are hundreds of articles out there on how to write a UCAS Personal Statement that will grab the attention of a UK university admissions officer.
But if youâre working with students to help them perfect their Personal Statement in time for the relevant UCAS deadlines , we can sum up the secret to success in three words.
Planning, structure and story.
The UCAS Personal Statement is a studentâs chance to talk about why they want to study for a particular degree, course or subject discipline at a UK university.
As they set about writing a personal statement, students need to demonstrate the drive, ambition, relevant skills and notable achievements that make them a suitable candidate for the universities they have chosen to apply to .
But the UCAS Personal Statement requires students to write a lot about themselves in a relatively short space of time. Thatâs why lots of planning, a tight structure and a compelling story are essential if a studentâs Personal Statement is to truly excel.
As important deadlines for UK university applications grow closer, we at BridgeU have put together a guide, outlining some of the strategies and techniques to help your students to write a personal statement which is both engaging and truly individual.
Handpicked Related Content
Discover the simple steps that will boost the confidence of your native English speaking & ESL students alike in University Application Essays: The 5 Secrets of Successful Writing .
As they begin to plan their Personal Statement, students may feel intimidated. Itâs not easy to summarise your academic interests and personal ambitions, especially when youâre competing for a place on a course which is popular or has demanding entry requirements. In particular, students will likely come up against the following challenges.
Time pressure
Unfortunately, the Personal Statement (and other aspects of university preparation) comes during the busiest year of the studentâs academic life so far.
Students, and indeed teachers and counsellors, must undertake the planning and writing of the personal statement whilst juggling other commitments, classes and deadlines, not to mention revision and open day visits!
Because there is already a lot of academic pressure on students in their final year of secondary school, finding the time and headspace for the personal statement can be hard, and can mean it gets pushed to the last minute. The risks of leaving it to the last minute are fairly obvious â the application will seem rushed and the necessary thought and planning wonât go into making the personal statement the best it can be .
Sticking closely to the Personal Statement format
The character limit which UCAS sets for the personal statement is very strict â up to 4,000 characters of text. This means that students have to express themselves in a clear and concise way; itâs also important that they donât feel the need to fill the available space needlessly. Planning and redrafting of a personal statement is essential .
Making it stand out
This is arguably the greatest challenge facing students â making sure that their statement sets them apart from everyone else who is competing for a place on any given course; in 2024 alone, UCAS received applications from 594,940 applicants. In addition, UCAS uses its own dedicated team and purpose built software to check every application for plagiarism, so itâs crucial that students craft a truly original personal statement which is entirely their own work .
The essential ingredients for writing a great UCAS Personal Statement
Weâve already mentioned our three watch words for writing a high quality Personal Statement.
Planning. Structure. Story.
Letâs dig deeper into these three essential components in more detail.
Watch: How to Write a UCAS Personal Statement with University of Essex
Planning a ucas personal statement.
It might sound like a no-brainer, but itâs vital that students plan their Personal Statement before they start writing it. Specifically, the planning phase could include:
- Students thoroughly researching the UK university courses they plan on applying to.
- Deciding on what relevant material to include in their Personal Statement (weâll cover this in more detail later on).
- Writing an unedited first draft where they just get their thoughts and ideas down on paper.
Structuring a UCAS Personal Statement
As weâve discussed, the UCAS Personal Statement requires students to be extremely disciplined â they will be required to condense a lot of information into a relatively short written statement. This means that, after theyâve written a rough first draft, they need to think carefully about how they structure the final statement.
A stand out Personal Statement will need a tight structure, with an introduction and a conclusion that make an impact and really help to tell a story about who your student is, and why they are drawn to studying this particular degree.
This brings us nicely to our third and final ingredientâŠ
Telling a story with a Personal Statement
The UCAS Personal Statement is a studentâs opportunity to show a university who they are and how their life experiences have shaped their academic interests and goals.
So a good Personal Statement needs to offer a compelling narrative, and that means making sure that a studentâs writing is well-structured, and that every sentence and paragraph is serving the statementâs ultimate purpose â to convince a university that your student deserves a place on their subject of choice.
How to help your students start their UCAS Personal Statement
In order to ensure that a personal statement is delivered on time and to an appropriate standard, itâs essential to plan thoroughly before writing it. Here are some questions you can ask your students before they start writing:
How can you demonstrate a formative interest in your subject?
It may sound obvious but, in order for any UCAS personal statement to have the necessary structure and clarity, students need to think hard about why they want to study their chosen subject. Ask them to think about their responses to the following questions:
What inspired you to study your chosen subject?
Example answer: My desire to understand the nature of reality has inspired me to apply for Physics and Philosophy
Was there a formative moment when your perspective on this subject changed, or when you decided you wanted to study this subject in more detail?
Example answer: My interest in philosophy was awakened when I questioned my childhood religious beliefs; reading Blackburnâs âThinkâ, convinced me to scrutinise my assumptions about the world, and to ensure I could justify my beliefs.
Can you point to any role models, leading thinkers, or notable literature which has in turn affected your thinking and/or inspired you?
Example answer : The search for a theory of everything currently being conducted by physicists is of particular interest to me and in âThe Grand Designâ Hawking proposes a collection of string theories, dubbed M-theory, as the explanation of why the universe is the way it is.
Asking your students to think about the âwhyâ behind their chosen subject discipline is a useful first step in helping them to organise their overall statement. Next, they need to be able to demonstrate evidence of their suitability for a course or degree.
How have you demonstrated the skills and aptitudes necessary for your chosen course?
Encourage students to think about times where they have demonstrated the necessary skills to really stand out. Itâs helpful to think about times when they have utilised these skills both inside and outside the classroom. Ask students to consider their responses to the following questions.
Can you demonstrate critical and independent thinking around your chosen subject discipline?
Example answer : Currently I am studying Maths and Economics in addition to Geography. Economics has been a valuable tool, providing the nuts and bolts to economic processes, and my geography has provided a spatial and temporal element.
Are you able to demonstrate skills and competencies which will be necessary for university study?
These include qualities such as teamwork, time management and the ability to organise workload responsibly.
Example answer: This year I was selected to be captain of the 1st XV rugby team and Captain of Swimming which will allow me to further develop my leadership, teamwork and organisational skills.
How have your extracurricular activities helped prepare you for university?
Students may believe that their interests outside the classroom arenât relevant to their university application. So encourage them to think about how their other interests can demonstrate the subject-related skills that universities are looking for in an application. Ask students to think about any of the following activities, and how they might be related back to the subject they are applying for.
- Clubs/societies, or volunteering work which they can use to illustrate attributes such as teamwork, an interest in community service and the ability to manage their time proactively.
- Have they been elected/nominated as a team captain, or the head of a particular club or society, which highlights leadership skills and an ability to project manage?
- Can they point to any awards or prizes they may have won, whether itâs taking up a musical instrument, playing a sport, or participating in theatre/performing arts?
- Have they achieved grades or qualifications as part of their extracurricular activities? These can only help to demonstrate aptitude and hard work.
How to write the UCAS Personal Statement [with examples]
If sufficient planning has gone into the personal statement, then your students should be ready to go!
In this next section, weâll break down the individual components of the UCAS Personal Statement and share some useful examples.
These examples come from a Personal Statement in support of an application to study Environmental Science at a UK university.
Watch: King’s College London explain what they’re looking for in a UCAS Personal Statement
Introduction.
This is the chance for an applying student to really grab an admission tutorâs attention. Students need to demonstrate both a personal passion for their subject, and explain why they have an aptitude for it . This section is where students should begin to discuss any major influences or inspirations that have led them to this subject choice.
Example : My passion for the environment has perhaps come from the fact that I have lived in five different countries: France, England, Spain, Sweden and Costa Rica. Moving at the age of 15 from Sweden, a calm and organized country, to Costa Rica, a more diverse and slightly chaotic country, was a shock for me at first and took me out of my comfort zone [âŠ] Also, living in Costa Rica, one of the most biodiverse countries in the world, definitely helped me realize how vulnerable the world is and how we need to take care of it in a sustainable manner.
This opening paragraph immediately grabs the readerâs attention by giving the reader an insight into this studentâs background and links their academic interests with something specific from the studentâs personal backstory.
Discussing Academic Achievements
The next paragraph in this Personal Statement discusses the studentâs academic achievements. Because this student has had an international education, they frame their academic achievements in the context of their personal background. They also cite useful examples of other curricula they have studied and the grades they have achieved.
Example :
Throughout my academic life I have shown myself to be a responsible student as well as a hard working one, despite the fact that I have had to move around a lot. I have achieved several other accomplishments such as a high A (286/300) in AS Spanish at age 15, and also completed a Spanish course of secondary studies for âMEPâ(Ministerio de Educacion Publica), which is a system from Costa Rica.
Youâll notice that this student doesnât just list their achievements â their strong academic performance is always linked back to a wider discussion of their personal experiences.
Showcasing Extracurricular Activities
As well as discussing academic achievements, a good Personal Statement should also discuss the studentâs extracurricular activities, and how they relate back to the studentâs overall university aspirations.
By the third/fourth paragraph of the Personal Statement, students should think about incorporating their extracurricular experiences,
Another valuable experience was when my class spent a week at a beach called âPacuareâ in order to help prevent the eggs of the endangered leatherback turtle from being stolen by poachers who go on to sell them like chicken eggs. We all gained teamwork experience, which was needed in order to hide the eggs silently without scaring the mother turtles, as well as making it more difficult for the poachers to find them.
When the poachers set fire to one of the sustainable huts where we were staying, not only did I gain self-awareness about the critical situation of the world and its ecosystems, I also matured and became even more motivated to study environmental sciences at university.
This is a particularly striking example of using extracurricular activities to showcase a studentâs wider passion for the degree subject they want to study.
Not only does this Personal Statement have a story about volunteering to save an endangered species, it also illustrates this applicantsâ wider worldview, and helps to explain their motivation for wanting to study Environmental Science.
Concluding the UCAS Personal Statement
The conclusion to a UCAS Personal Statement will have to be concise, and will need to tie all of a studentâs academic and extracurricular achievements. After all, a compelling story will need a great ending.
Remember that students need to be mindful of the character limit of a Personal Statement, so a conclusion need only be the length of a small paragraph, or even a couple of sentences.
“ After having many varied experiences, I truly think I can contribute to university in a positive way, and would love to study in England where I believe I would gain more skills and education doing a first degree than in any other country. “
A good Personal Statement conclusion will end with an affirmation of how the student thinks they can contribute to university life, and why they believe the institution in question should accept them. Because the student in this example has a such a rich and varied international background, they also discuss the appeal of studying at university in England.
Itâs worth taking a quick look at a few other examples of how other students have chosen to conclude their Personal Statement.
Medicine (Imperial College, London)
Interest in Medicine aside, other enthusiasms of mine include languages, philosophy, and mythology. It is curiously fitting that in ancient Greek lore, healing was but one of the many arts Apollo presided over, alongside archery and music. I firmly believe that a doctor should explore the world outside the field of Medicine, and it is with such experiences that I hope to better empathise and connect with the patients I will care for in my medical career.
Youâll notice that this example very specifically ties the studentsâ academic and extracurricular activities together, and ties the Personal Statement back to their values and beliefs.
Economic History with Economics (London School of Economics)
The highlight of my extra-curricular activities has been my visit to Shanghai with the Lord Mayorâs trade delegation in September 2012. I was selected to give a speech at this world trade conference due to my interest in economic and social history. [âŠ] I particularly enjoyed the seminar format, and look forward to experiencing more of this at university. My keen interest and desire to further my knowledge of history and economics, I believe, would make the course ideal for me.
By contrast, this conclusion ties a memorable experience back to the specifics of how the student will be taught at the London School of Economics â specifically, the appeal of learning in seminar format!
Thereâs no magic formula for concluding a Personal Statement. But youâll see that what all of these examples have in common is that they tie a studentâs personal and academic experiences together â and tell a university something about their aspirations for the future.
Watch: Bournemouth University explain how to structure a UCAS Personal Statement
Know the audience
It can be easy for students to forget that the person reading a personal statement is invariably an expert in their field. This is why an ability to convey passion and think critically about their chosen subject is essential for a personal statement to stand out. Admissions tutors will also look for students who can structure their writing (more on this below).
Students should be themselves
Remember that many students are competing for places on a university degree against fierce competition. And donât forget that UCAS has the means to spot plagiarism. So students need to create a truly honest and individual account of who they are, what they have achieved and, perhaps most importantly, why they are driven to study this particular subject.
Proof-read (then proof-read again!)
Time pressures mean that students can easily make mistakes with their Personal Statements. As the deadline grows closer, itâs vital that they are constantly checking and rechecking their writing and to ensure that shows them in the best possible light.
Meanwhile, when it comes to giving feedback to students writing their Personal Statements, make sure youâre as honest and positive as possible in the days and weeks leading up to submission day.
And make sure they remember the three key ingredients of writing a successful Personal Statement.
Planning, structure and story!
Book a free demo
Learn how BridgeU can help deliver better outcomes for your students and improved results for your school
![example of strong personal statement](https://bridge-u.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Why-BridgeU-for-universities-recruitment-admissions-375x281.png)
- Faculty & Staff
- Graduate Students
- Parents & Families
- Prospective Students
- First Generation
- International
- Students With Disabilities
- Undeclared and Exploratory
- Agriculture, Food, Forestry, and Natural Resources
- Architecture and Construction
- Arts, Media, and Communications
- Business Management and Finance
- Data Science and Information Technology
- Education, Training, and Human Services
- Government, Public Administration, Policy, and Law
- Healthcare and Health Sciences
- Hospitality, Recreation, and Tourism
- Marketing, Operations, and Supply Chain Logistics
- Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM)
- Create a Resume/CV/Cover Letter
- Expand Your Network/Find a Mentor
- Explore Your Interests/Career Assessments
- Evaluate/Negotiate an Offer
- Prepare for an Interview
- Applying to Graduate & Professional School
- Search for a Job/Internship
- Getting Started
- Co-op Program Options
- Employer Guide to Co-ops & Internships
- Sign Up/Post a Job
- On-Campus Recruiting Visits
- Employer Partner Program
- Recruiting Guidelines
- Interactive Career Outcomes Dashboard
- First Destination Survey Reports
- Report Your Post-Grad Plans
- Appointment & Drop-Ins
- Request a Presentation
- Career Center Overview
- Meet Our Team
How to Write a Powerful Personal Statement for Medical School
- Share This: Share How to Write a Powerful Personal Statement for Medical School on Facebook Share How to Write a Powerful Personal Statement for Medical School on LinkedIn Share How to Write a Powerful Personal Statement for Medical School on X
The personal statement can make or break your medical school application. Learn how to write it and strategies to make it stand out to admissions committees in this expert guide.
Essays are one of the most important parts of any graduate school application. Whereas your resume, letters of recommendation, and standardized test scores speak to your achievements and academic potential, your essays are where you can make a human argument based on your unique candidacy; they tell the story of a person rather than of numbers.
Typically, aspiring MD candidates will need to submit several essays. The personal statement or personal comments essay is submitted through the American Medical College Application Service (AMCAS), a centralized application that most medical schools use (outside of Texas), similar to the Common App. This application opens for submission around the end of May or the beginning of June. After you submit your AMCAS application, youâll also need to submit a secondary application that goes directly to the schools you’re applying to. Depending on the program, this may be open to everyone or extended on an invitation-only basis. This secondary application usually includes several other essays or short-answer questions that are more specific to what the school is looking for.
Though there is a standard that your scores, GPA, and experience need to meet, the essays really can make or break your chances of admission. In this article, weâll go over what makes a good personal statement, how to get started on yours, and some actionable strategies for success.
What is the Personal Statement?
The âpersonal statement essayâ can be found in section eight of the AMCAS application. The simple, vague prompt is as follows:
âUse the space provided to explain why you want to go to medical school.â
This prompt is purposefully left broadâthe admissions committees want to see where applicants go in their responses. In short, they really want the answer to two things:
- Why should we admit you , specifically?
- Why medicine?
On its website, AMCAS says that this essay âprovides an opportunity to distinguish yourself from other applicants and provide admissions officers with more insight into why you have chosen to pursue a career in medicine.â In other words, your response should make a compelling case for what you will bring to the table and clearly outline how your path so far has led you to medical school.
Med School Personal Statement Length
The personal comments essay has a character limit of 5,300, which includes spaces. This translates to about a page and a half worth of words. TMDSAS, the Texan equivalent of AMCAS, has a character limit of 5,000.
How Long Will My Personal Statement Take?
Like with any part of the application, timing is everything. Thankfully, medical school applications donât require too much writing. Still, we recommend giving yourself at least a month on the personal statement (several if you’re able to) so that you have time to iterate on a few different drafts, sit on it, and get feedback.
For more advice on timing the application process, read The Ultimate Guide to the Medical School Application Process .
How to Write a Med School Personal Statement
Often, the most difficult part is getting started; but, itâs hard to do so without a plan. Before you begin writing, it can be helpful to have an idea of your overarching narrative and the role that you want the essay to play. At a foundational level, you also just need to have a really solid understanding of who you are and what your motivations are for pursuing medicine. After all that, youâll get to writing. Hereâs a step-by-step playback for getting from start to finish on your personal statement.
Step 1: Ideate
Before you put pen to paper, think about the following questions and jot a few ideas down. If there are any that youâre struggling with, ask the people around you! Parents/guardians and close friends can be especially helpful in identifying your strengths and what makes you unique.
- What are the main life decisions I made in the last ten years and why did I make them? What values/thoughts/rationale remained consistent across these decisions?
- What character traits do I want to show the admissions committee? What are some examples of when I demonstrated these traits?
- What are my strengths and weaknesses?
- When did I first believe that I wanted to be a doctor? What experiences originally led to that and then later cemented it as a goal?
- What are the main takeaways from my clinical (and other relevant) experience? What did I learn? What stuck with me?
- What parts of my candidacy are not well represented in the other parts of my application?
- Why do I want to go med school? (get specific)
- What do I want my professional career to look like in 15 years? In 30?
- What motivates meâprofessionally and personally?
In any graduate school application, youâre trying to strike a balance between providing a comprehensive view of your candidacy and not overwhelming with unnecessary information. For this reason, it can be extremely valuable to have an idea of the overall story you want to tell. Think about your âelevator pitchâ and use the essay to build on that. If youâre not sure what experiences or characteristics are the most impactful, you can also work with a coach . Theyâll help you identify whatâs most important to talk about, and to leave out, and can also work with you to draft an outline.
Step 2: Write a draft (itâs okay if itâs terrible)
Once youâve got some direction, the next step is to just get your thoughts on paper. Sit down and force yourself to brain dump. It does not have to be pretty, it does not have to make sense, it does not have to be comprehensive. From there, leave it for a day. When you come back, highlight the parts that still resonate and make a note of anything missing.
Step 3: Review and edit, repeat
Based on the comments you left yourself on your preliminary thoughts, write a second draft. This time, pay a little more attention to the overall flow. Support your main ideas with real evidence in the form of stories and anecdotes. Be concise and get to the pointâwhen your characters are limited, itâs important to not waste any on irrelevant details or extraneous verbiage. Once youâve done this, set your draft aside for a bit. Come back to it later and make it better. Then, repeat the process. To get a really good personal statement, youâre going to want to go through many different drafts.
Step 4: Get feedback
Once youâve got a draft that you feel good about, we highly recommend getting a second perspective. The ideal editor is someone who has a basic understanding of your background but does not know you in-depth, as this would make it difficult for them to judge the essay objectively. A friend-of-a-friend, friend-of-a-mentor, professor, or med school admissions coach are all great choices. Itâs a bonus if they have any kind of writing or editorial experience.
This third-party review will help you figure out whatâs working and whatâs not. From this point, and depending on the feedback, you may be close to a final draft.
Step 5: Read it out loud
We knowâthis sounds weird, but do it. When you read your essay out loud, you hear it as the admissions committee member will. Itâs easier to find the gaps, identify missing transitions, see where youâre rambling, and get an overall idea of the impression it gives.
Step 6: Review, final edits, and spellcheck
Once you feel really, really good about your response, read it for a final time. Make sure that there are no grammatical or spelling errors. Then, youâll copy and paste it into section eight of the AMCAS application, and itâs ready to go!
Caution: Donât overdo it
Though itâs better to err on the side of too much editing over too little, it is possible to overdo it. If you stare at your writing long enough, everything starts to sound the same. And, for those of us who are perfectionists, itâs easy to feel like itâs never good enough . In most cases, it probably is. There comes to a point where youâve done all you can and itâs time to submit. A good coach can help you gauge when this is but it also takes knowing yourself. If you start to get overwhelmed or frustrated, itâs completely okay (and even beneficial) to step back for a few days. Then, when you return, youâre coming in with a fresh and slightly more removed perspective.
Medical School Personal Statement Tips
Now that weâve covered what the personal statement is and how to get it written, weâll dive into some specifics on how to make it great , including things to do and avoid .
Lean into what makes you different from the other applicants.
After reading your personal statement, you want the admissions committees to think, âIf we donât admit this person right now, we might never get another applicant like them!â No pressure, right? Just kidding, we know this is tough to do! You will come from the same schools as other applicants and have the same majors, the same work experiences, the same hometowns, and the same GPAs. Whatâs different is how you went through all of that. Your perspective, how you interact with the world, and what you take away are all unique to you.
In the examples you share and your overall argument for admission, make sure you address this and donât be afraid to get specific. A good test is this: if someone else could have written your exact same personal statement, itâs not unique enough.
Know what your personal statement is not.
Youâre applying to medical schools, not creative writing programs. With this in mind, your personal statement should not be an exercise in writing the most experimental personal statement. The power in personal statements comes from the applicantâs background and story, not their writing abilities. To be clear, your statement should still be written well; but, you donât need to get too fancy.
Donât lose sight of the prompt.
With broader topics like this, itâs easy to get sucked into a tangent and pretty soon, youâre giving your entire life story. And, while you do want to explain your path, youâre doing so with a specific reason in mind. Your personal statement should explain exactly why you want to be a physician . If your stories arenât directly relevant to that purpose, take them out.
For this, it can be helpful to examine your personal statement paragraph by paragraph. Imagine your response without that sectionâdoes the primary message still get across? Is it contributing something valuable or is it extraneous?
Donât recite your resume.
This is your classic âshow, donât tellâ advice. Use examples to support the qualities that you want the adcom to see, rather than listing your accomplishments and what you think they demonstrate. Hereâs an example:
- Applicant 1: For two years, I shadowed a family physician in my city where I learned the day-to-day responsibilities required to succeed in the field.
- Applicant 2: For two years, I shadowed a family physician in my city. This taught me how successful doctors in this field need to understand a variety of issues, problem-solve constantly, and develop real relationships with their patients.
Which one is more compelling? Theyâre essentially saying the same thing, but the second applicant explains what the first only claims.
Keep the focus on you.
You are the main character of the personal statement. While many stories will also involve other peopleâmentors, patients, friends, family members, etcâŠâmake sure that the focus remains on what you demonstrated. Thatâs not to say you should only have stories that donât include others. Tell the same stories but do so in a way that highlights the role you played.
When youâre reviewing any given anecdote, ask yourself: âWhat does the admissions committee learn about me from this?â If you canât point to direct and specific things, it needs to be reworked.
Source: https://www.joinleland.com/library/a/medical-school-personal-statement-tips
![example of strong personal statement ' src=](https://cdn.uconnectlabs.com/wp-content/uploads/users/4446828/profile-picture-1716928834-50x50-center-top.jpg?v=1716928834)
![](http://writinghelp.online/777/templates/cheerup/res/banner1.gif)
IMAGES
COMMENTS
Example #3 - 12. Example #4 - Flying. Example #5 - Arab Spring in Bahrain. Example #6 - Poop, Animals and the Environment. Example #7 - Entoptic Phenomena. Example #8 - The Builder & Problem Solver. Example #10 - The Little Porch and a Dog (With Spanish Translation) Example #10 - Life As an Undocumented Student.
10. Teacher personal statement. "Elementary school teacher with 5+ years of experience managing classrooms of 20-30 students. Adept at using positive reinforcement teaching techniques to encourage student behavior and development. Looking to use my creativity and experience to engage at-risk students.".
We've compiled 15 personal statement examples for you to read. Former admissions officers have graded them to help you write your own personal statement. ... This is a strong "attitude adjustment" essay, a bit of a remix of a challenge essay. The challenge, in this case, was a fixed mindset about sports that needed to be adjusted. ...
Personal Statement Example #20: Recipe for Success. Common App Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (250-650 words) Personal Statement.
How to write a good personal statement. Follow these steps to a good personal statement: 1. Craft a strong opening. Begin with an opening sentence that interests your audience and makes them want to read more. Use your words to introduce the main idea of your response.
Here are some examples of personal and professional statements: 1. Personal statement for a postgraduate programme. Joan David Personal statement for master's programme in Public Policy and Administration London School of Policy 'I held my first textbook when I was a 23-year-old undergraduate.
Address the elephant in the room (if there is one). Maybe your grades weren't great in core courses, or perhaps you've never worked in the field you're applying to. Make sure to address the ...
Here are our top six tips for writing a strong personal statement. Tip 1: Do Some Serious Self-Reflection. The hardest part of writing a personal statement isn't the actual process of writing it. ... Tufts Personal Statement Example. My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver. I saw it in my favorite book, Richard Scarry's "Cars ...
Resume templates 17 resume personal statement examples. To start this guide, I have included 10 examples of good personal statements, to give you an idea of how a personal statement should look, and what should be included.. Note: personal statements are generally used by junior candidates - if you are experienced, check out our resume summary examples instead.
A strong conclusion is clear, concise, and leaves a lasting impression. Use these three steps: Summarize the main points of your statement. For example, "My experience volunteering for the school newspaper, along with my communication skills and enthusiasm for writing, make me an ideal student for your university."
Personal Statement Examples. Essay 1: Summer Program. Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American. Essay 3: Why Medicine. Essay 4: Love of Writing. Essay 5: Starting a Fire. Essay 6: Dedicating a Track. Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders. Essay 8: Becoming a Coach.
For a university application, discuss what parts of the program or school align with your passions. Your university introduction should be a full paragraph. 2. Expand on relevant skills, interests and experiences. The body of your personal statement lets you share more about your relevant skills, interests and experiences.
In a great personal statement, we should be able to get a sense of what fulfills, motivates, or excites the author. These can be things like humor, beauty, community, and autonomy, just to name a few. So when you read back through your essay, you should be able to detect at least 4-5 different values throughout.
A personal statement is a short essay of around 500-1,000 words, in which you tell a compelling story about who you are, what drives you, and why you're applying. To write a successful personal statement for a graduate school application, don't just summarize your experience; instead, craft a focused narrative in your own voice. Aim to ...
The Free Guide to Writing the Personal Statement. Kick things off with the two greatest brainstorming exercises ever, learn about options for structuring a personal statement + example outlines, check out some amazing example personal statements, and get on your way to writing your own killer personal statement for university applications.
Personal Statement Example #3: The Value of a Great Ending. The third of our personal statement examples is by a student who got into the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor, Carnegie Mellon, and the University of Southern California. The writer talks about how being on the swim team helped them cultivate confidence.
Tips for Writing a Strong Personal Statement. No matter what approach you take to writing your statement, a few things hold. ... Academic Personal Statement Examples. Here are two examples of shorts personal statement for graduate program applications: From the moment I stepped into the lab, smelled the clean scent of fresh lab coats, and saw ...
CV templates 17 CV personal statement examples. To start this guide, I have included 10 examples of good personal statements, to give you an idea of how a personal statement should look, and what should be included.. Note: personal statements are generally used by junior candidates - if you are experienced, check out our CV profile examples instead.
My Feedback on Example 2. Your personal statement provides a strong sense of your experiences and ambitions. Here's a more detailed breakdown based on the criteria: Introduction (4.5/5): Your introduction captures the reader's attention by creating a contrast between your earlier attitude and your current perspective. This successfully sets ...
Top tips on how to write your statement opener. We spoke to admissions tutors at unis and colleges - read on for their tips. 1. Don't begin with the overkill opening. Try not to overthink the opening sentence. You need to engage the reader with your relevant thoughts and ideas, but not go overboard. Tutors said: 'The opening is your chance ...
Personal statement examples A good personal statement can be an important part of shaping your career, whether you're a recent graduate or an experienced professional. Here are some examples of personal statements from different career stages. They show off relevant skills, experiences, and goals of job seekers. Personal statement examples ...
The character limit which UCAS sets for the personal statement is very strict - up to 4,000 characters of text. This means that students have to express themselves in a clear and concise way; it's also important that they don't feel the need to fill the available space needlessly. Planning and redrafting of a personal statement is essential.
The personal statement or personal comments essay is submitted through the American Medical College Application Service (AMCAS), a centralized application that most medical schools use (outside of Texas), similar to the Common App. ... Use examples to support the qualities that you want the adcom to see, rather than listing your accomplishments ...