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Greater Good Science Center • Magazine • In Action • In Education

10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Your performance evaluation at work comes in, and it’s glowing. However, there’s one area that “needs improvement.” Days later, which part do you think about?

The negative, of course. Part of you knows it’s ridiculous to let that one thing bother you. After all, there’s a lot more good in there than bad, but you can’t seem to help it.

Unfortunately, we do the same thing in our romantic relationships. We all have a negativity bias , or tendency to focus on the bad aspects of experiences. This makes us more critical of our relationship than we should be. Along the way, we take the good times for granted and they become an under-appreciated part of our partnership. But the problems? They stand out. Our partner’s insensitive comments, moods, and messiness regularly capture our full attention.

Mix this into a relationship that has lost a bit of its spark, and it can be hard to notice anything other than the problems. As Daniel Kahneman describes in Thinking, Fast and Slow , we tend to only see what’s right in front of us and overlook what’s not there at the moment. When problems are all that you see, it feels like that’s all your relationship is.

In fact, we have such a strong tendency to pick up on the bad stuff that we may even manufacture problems that don’t exist. A study published in Science suggests that if our relationship doesn’t have any major issues, we’re more likely to take what once would have been considered a small issue and feel it’s more problematic.

When we spend our time worrying about the wrong things, we don’t have time to appreciate what’s going right. Not only does this mean our view of the relationship is skewed, but it also means we’re missing out on a meaningful opportunity. While working on problems is one way to improve a long-term relationship, it’s just as important to reflect on your partner’s good qualities and the positive aspects of your connection.

The pillars of healthy relationships

To shift your perspective, start by paying more attention to the facets of your relationship that are stable, consistent, and comfortable. Those peaceful, drama-free, status-quo elements are easy to forget, but they’re sources of strength.

Below are 10 key pillars of healthy relationships that research suggests are key to a satisfying, lasting bond. Many of these are likely present in your own relationship; you just need to pause and take notice.

1. You can be yourself. You and your partner accept each other for who you are; you don’t try to change each other. You can simply be yourself and show your true identity without worrying if your partner will judge you. That’s helpful because research shows that partners who accept each other tend to be more satisfied with their relationships. 

2. You are BFFs. In many ways, your romantic partner is your best friend, and you’re theirs. That’s good news because research suggests that romantic partners who emphasize friendship tend to be more committed and experience more sexual gratification. Romantic relationships that value friendship emphasize emotional support, intimacy, affection, and maintaining a strong bond. They also focus on meeting needs related to caregiving, security, and companionship. 

3. You feel comfortable and close. Getting close to someone isn’t always easy. But in your relationship, you’ve worked through that and are quite comfortable sharing feelings, relying on each other, and being emotionally intimate. Even if vulnerability can be challenging at times, you’ve learned to trust your partner and find it brings you closer. You no longer put up emotional walls and don’t constantly worry about your partner leaving, which provides a sense of stability . 

4. You’re more alike than different. You and your partner have a lot in common, and key areas of similarity may help make your relationship more satisfying , new research suggests. Sure, the differences stand out, but beyond those few contrasts, you’re similar in a lot of ways. For example, your partner may enjoy superhero movies while you enjoy rom-coms. Though that feels like a major contrast, you’re both homebodies who enjoy making a meal together then crashing on the couch to watch TV shows where you can debate others’ life choices, make fun of awkward dialogue, and try to guess the next plot twist. Ultimately, you have a lot more in common than you have differences.

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5. You feel like a team. Words matter. When you talk, do you often use words like “we,” “us,” and “our?” If someone asks, “What’s your favorite show to binge-watch?,” do you reply with, “We have started watching Schitt’s Creek ”? That use of “we” shows a strong sense of cognitive closeness, or shared identity, in your relationship. Research suggests that couples who are interconnected like this tend to be more satisfied and committed . 

6. They make you a better person. Your partner helps you refine and improve who you are. Here, your partner doesn’t take charge and tell you how to change, but rather supports your choices for self-growth . Together, you seek out new and interesting experiences that contribute to a feeling of self-development. According to relationship researchers, when you expand and grow as a person, your relationship does, too .

7. You share the power. While partners may have their areas of expertise (for example, one handles lawn care, while the other does interior decorating), partners often share decision making, power, and influence in the relationship. When both partners have a say, relationships are stronger, more satisfied, and more likely to last . And, unsurprisingly, couples are happier when they feel the division of labor in their relationship is fair. 

8. They’re fundamentally good. What do people want in a spouse? It’s surprisingly simple: someone who is reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent . Though these traits aren’t flashy and may not immediately come to mind when creating your partner wish list, they provide the foundation for a resilient relationship. Research suggests that when partners have agreeable and emotionally stable personalities, they tend to be more satisfied in their relationship. 

9. You trust each other. We need to be able to rely on our partner, which comes from a sense of trust. Not only do we trust our partner with the password to our phone, or with access to our bank account, we know that our partner always has our best interests in mind and will be there for us when we need them. Research suggests this is a positive cycle : Trust encourages greater commitment, which encourages greater trust.

10. You don’t have serious issues. There are problems, and then there are PROBLEMS. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about all of the problems and major red flags we don’t have to deal with. “Dark side” issues like disrespect, cheating, jealousy, and emotional or physical abuse are relationship killers. Sometimes, the light can come from the absence of dark.

Spend a few moments reflecting on how each of these apply to your own relationship. At this point, you may want to give yourself some kind of score to affirm your relationship is in good shape. How many of those 10 pillars do you have? How many do you lack? But that’s not really the point. Chances are, your relationship has elements of all 10. The key is to do a better job of noticing and, where needed, cultivating these foundational areas. Often, strengthening these pillars is as simple as savoring everything in your relationship that works. There’s a lot there when you know what to look for. 

Hopefully, you’ve also noticed areas of strength that aren’t on this list. That’s great, because this list is by no means comprehensive. More importantly, it shows you’re starting to notice more of what works, and not obsessing about what’s broken. 

Of course, you shouldn’t use a few positives to justify staying in a bad relationship. Focusing on strengths is only helpful for those in good relationships looking to make them better. Good relationships are built on mutual respect, love, and friendship between equals.

The lesson here also isn’t to pretend like your relationship doesn’t have issues. Rather, it’s a lot easier to fix those problems when you appreciate how much of your relationship is already going well. Relationships are difficult enough without making them any harder. When you’re only shedding light on what’s wrong, it’s easy to buy into the mistaken belief that your relationship is in trouble. But when you stop taking the good for granted, and give your partner and relationship more credit, you may realize that your relationship is stronger than you think.

About the Author

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr.

Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D. , is the author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them . He is also an award-winning teacher, researcher, relationship expert, and professor at Monmouth University.

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12 Elements of Healthy Relationships

Note: this post was updated in June 2024 to reflect new resources available to students and trainees.

In every relationship , it’s important to consider how we treat  one an other.  Whether it’s  romantic , platonic , familial, intimate , or sexual , your relationship  with another should be respectful, honest, and fun.  

When relationships are healthy, they promote  emotional and social  well ness .  When relationships are unhealthy,  you  may feel drained, overwhelmed, and  invisible .   

In a pandemic, it’s even more important to consid er how you engage with others.   B oundaries, communication, and time apart  are vital to having relationships everyone  involved  feels good about.   Reflect on your current relationships and consider how you can incorporate the  elements  listed below:  

• Communication . The way you talk with friends or partners is an important part of a relationship. Everyone involved should be able to communicate feelings, opinions, and beliefs. When communicating, consider tone and phrasing. Miscommunication often occurs when individuals choose to text versus talking in person or a phone call. Figuring out the best ways to express your feelings together will help eliminate miscommunication.
• Boundaries . Boundaries are physical, emotional, and mental limits or guidelines a person sets for themselves which others need to respect. You and your partners or friends should feel comfortable in the activities you are doing together. All individuals involved should be respectful of boundaries. Whether it’s romantic, sexual, or platonic, consider what you want the relationship to look like and discuss it with the other(s).
• Consent . Consent is important in all relationships. Consent is uncoerced permission to interact with the body or the life of another person. Coercion can look like pressure to do something, physical force, bargaining, or someone holding power over another to get what they want. Consent can look like asking about boundaries in relationships, actively listening to responses, and always respecting those boundaries.
• Trust . Each person in the relationship should have confidence in one another. If you are questioning whether to trust someone, it may be important to communicate your feelings to them. Consider what makes you not trust someone. Is it something they did, or is it something you’ve experienced in other relationships?
• Honesty . Honesty is important for communication. Each person within the relationship or friendship should have the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns. If you don’t feel comfortable being honest with someone, consider why and seek support if needed.
• Independence . It’s important to have time to yourself in any relationship. Having opportunities to hang with others or time for self-care is important to maintain a healthy relationship. If you live with your partner(s) or friend(s), set up designated areas within your place where you can spend time alone.
• Equality . Each person in the relationship should have an equal say in what’s going on. Listen to each other and respect boundaries.
• Support . Each person in the relationship should feel supported. It’s important to have compassion and empathy for one another. In addition to supporting one another, it’s important to recognize your own needs and communicate boundaries around support.
• Responsibility . Some days you may find you said something hurtful or made a mistake. Make sure to take responsibility for your actions and do not place the blame on your partner(s) or friend(s). Taking responsibility for your actions will further trust and honesty.
• Healthy conflict . You may think conflict is a sign of an unhealthy relationship, but talking about issues or disagreements is normal. You won’t find a person that has the exact same interests, opinions, and beliefs as you; thus, at times disagreements may occur. Communicating your feelings and opinions while being respectful and kind is part of a healthy relationship.
• Safety . Safety is the foundation of connection in a relationship. In order to set boundaries, communicate, and have fun, everyone must feel safe. If you do not feel safe to express your feelings, have independence, or anything else on this list, seek support using the resources below.
• Fun . In addition to all these components, you should be enjoying the time you spend with others. Again, it’s important that your relationships promote your well-being and do not diminish it.

Want to learn more about healthy relationships? Check out this quiz by Love is Respect , a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline .

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the university has confidential, non-confidential, and peer-led resources you can contact for help and support.

Confidential resources provide assistance and support and information shared is protected and cannot be reported unless given explicit permission from the individual that disclosed; there is imminent threat of harm to the individual or others; the conduct involves suspected abuse of a minor under the age of 18; or otherwise permitted by law or court order.

Non-confidential resources are available to provide support or assistance to individuals but are not confidential and may have broader obligations to report information. Non-confidential resources will report information only to the necessary departments, such as Office of Institutional Equity (OIE).

Peer-led resources are available to provide support and assistance. Services are provided by Johns Hopkins students, and are non-confidential.

Hopkins Confidential Resources

• Mental Health Services . Accessible, equitable, and quality mental healthcare to students and trainees across Hopkins. If you are in need of immediate assistance for a behavioral health crisis or urgent consultation, please call the Behavioral Health Crisis Support Team (BHCST) Access Line at 410-516-9355 .
• JHU 24/7 Sexual Assault HelpLine: 410-516-7333 .
• Primary Care . Medical services for the evaluation and treatment of illness or injury, preventive health care, and health education.
• Religious and Spiritual Life : 410-516-1880 .
• Gender-Based Violence Prevention: Alyse Campbell , [email protected] , book a time to chat at: tinyurl.com/MeetwAlyse .

Hopkins Non-Confidential Resources

• JHU Sexual Misconduct website
• Campus Safety and Security : 410-516-7777
• Office of Gender and Sexuality Resources : [email protected]
• Office of Institutional Equity : 410-516-8075
• Office of the Dean of Student Life : 410-516-8208

Peer-Led Resources

• Sexual Assault Resource Unit (SARU): Private hotline: 410-516-7887.
• A Place to Talk (available on Zoom). Serves Homewood undergrads.

Community Resources

• TurnAround Inc. Hotline : 443-279-0379
• Rape, Abuse, and Incest, National Network : National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-4673
• Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault (MCASA)
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Essays About Love and Relationships: Top 5 Examples

Love, romance, and relationships are just as complicated and messy as they are fascinating. Read our guide on essays about love and relationships.

We, as humans, are social beings. Humanity is inclined towards living with others of our kind and forming relationships with them. Love, whether in a romantic context or otherwise, is essential to a strong relationship with someone. It can be used to describe familial, friendly, or romantic relationships; however, it most commonly refers to romantic partners. 

Love and relationships are difficult to understand, but with effort, devotion, and good intentions, they can blossom into something beautiful that will stay with you for life. This is why it is important to be able to discern wisely when choosing a potential partner.

5 Essay Examples

1. love and marriage by kannamma shanmugasundaram, 2. what my short-term relationships taught me about love and life by aaron zhu, 3. true love waits by christine barrett, 4. choosing the right relationship by robert solley, 5. masters of love by emily esfahani smith, 1. what is a healthy romantic relationship, 2. a favorite love story, 3. relationship experiences, 4. lessons relationships can teach you, 5. love and relationships in the 21st century, 6. is marriage necessary for true love.

“In successful love marriages, couples have to learn to look past these imperfections and remember the reasons why they married each other in the first place. They must be able to accept the fact that neither one of them is perfect. Successful love marriages need to set aside these superior, seemingly impossible expectations and be willing to compromise, settling for some good and some bad.”

Shanmugasundaram’s essay looks at marriage in Eastern Cultures, such as her Indian traditions, in which women have less freedom and are often forced into arranged marriages. Shanmugasundaram discusses her differing views with her parents over marriage; they prefer to stick to tradition while she, influenced by Western values, wants to choose for herself. Ultimately, she has compromised with her parents: they will have a say in who she marries, but it will be up to her to make the final decision. She will only marry who she loves. 

“There is no forever, I’ve been promised forever by so many exes that it’s as meaningless to me as a homeless person promising me a pot of gold. From here on out, I’m no longer looking for promises of forever, what I want is the promise that you’ll try your best and you’ll be worth it. Don’t promise me forever, promise me that there will be no regrets.”

In Zhu’s essay, he reflects on his lessons regarding love and relationships. His experiences with past partners have taught him many things, including self-worth and the inability to change others. Most interestingly, however, he believes that “forever” does not exist and that going into a relationship, they should commit to as long as possible, not “forever.” Furthermore, they should commit to making the relationship worthwhile without regret. 

“For life is a constant change, love is the greatest surprise, friendship is your best defense, maturity comes with responsibility and death is just around the corner, so, expect little, assume nothing, learn from your mistakes, never fail to have faith that true love waits, take care of your friends, treasure your family, moderate your pride and throw up all hatred for God opens millions of flowers without forcing the buds, reminding us not to force our way but to wait for true love to happen perfectly in His time.”

Barrett writes about how teenagers often feel the need to be in a relationship or feel “love” as soon as possible. But unfortunately, our brains are not fully matured in our teenage years, so we are more likely to make mistakes. Barrett discourages teenagers from dating so early; she believes that they should let life take its course and enjoy life at the moment. Her message is that they shouldn’t be in a rush to grow up, for true love will come to those who are patient. You might also be interested in these essays about commitment and essays about girlfriends .

“A paucity of common interests gets blamed when relationships go south, but they are rarely the central problem. Nonetheless, it is good to have some — mostly in terms of having enough in common that there are things that you enjoy spending time doing together. The more important domains to consider are personality and values, and when it comes to personality, the key question is how does your potential partner handle stress.”

Solley, from a more psychological perspective, gives tips on how one can choose the ideal person to be in a relationship with. Love is a lifetime commitment, so much thought should be put into it. One should look at culture, values regarding spending money, and common interests. Solley believes that you should not always look for someone with the same interests, for what makes a relationship interesting is the partners’ differences and how they look past them. 

“There are two ways to think about kindness. You can think about it as a fixed trait: Either you have it or you don’t. Or you could think of kindness as a muscle. In some people, that muscle is naturally stronger than in others, but it can grow stronger in everyone with exercise. Masters tend to think about kindness as a muscle. They know that they have to exercise it to keep it in shape. They know, in other words, that a good relationship requires sustained hard work.”

Smith discusses research conducted over many years that explains the different aspects of a relationship, including intimacy, emotional strength, and kindness. She discusses kindness in-depth, saying that a relationship can test your kindness, but you must be willing to work to be kind if you love your partner. You might also be interested in these essays about divorce .

6 Writing Prompts On Essays About Love and Relationships

Everyone has a different idea of what makes a great relationship. For example, some prioritize assertiveness in their partner, while others prefer a calmer demeanor. You can write about different qualities and habits that a healthy, respectful relationship needs, such as quality time and patience. If you have personal experience, reflect on this as well; however, if you don’t, write about what you would hope from your future partner. 

Love and relationships have been an essential element in almost every literary work, movie, and television show; an example of each would be Romeo and Juliet , The Fault in Our Stars , and Grey’s Anatomy . Even seemingly unrelated movies, such as the Star Wars and Lord of the Rings franchises, have a romantic component. Describe a love story of your choice; explain its plot, characters, and, most importantly, how the theme of love and relationships is present. 

If you have been in a romantic relationship before, or if you are in one currently, reflect on your experience. Why did you pursue this relationship? Explore your relationship’s positive and negative sides and, if applicable, how it ended. If not, write about how you will try and prevent the relationship from ending.

All our experiences in life form us, relationships included. In your essay, reflect on ways romantic relationships can teach you new things and make you better; consider values such as self-worth, patience, and positivity. Then, as with the other prompts, use your personal experiences for a more interesting essay. Hou might find our guide on how to write a vow helpful.

How love, romance, and relationships are perceived has changed dramatically in recent years; from the nuclear family, we have seen greater acceptance of same-sex relationships, blended families, and relationships with more than two partners—research on how the notion of romantic relationships has changed and discuss this in your essay. 

More and more people in relationships are deciding not to get married. For a strong argumentative essay, discuss whether you agree with the idea that true love does not require marriage, so it is fine not to get married in the first place. Research the arguments of both sides, then make your claim. 

Check out our guide packed full of transition words for essays . If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

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The 14 most important characteristics of healthy relationships.

A healthy relationshi p is one that adds to both people's overall well-being, fueled by communication, respect, and boundaries . For a relationship to be healthy, it requires more than just shared interests and strong feelings for each other. It requires two people who truly understand and care for each other, while also caring for themselves.

Here are the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship:

You respect each other

Respect is one of the most important characteristics of a healthy relationship. Once the chase is over, some people can forget about tending to their partner's feelings and needs. In lasting, healthy relationships, partners value each other and take care with their words, actions, and behaviors. If you want to be with that person each day, make them feel that way. Likewise, you should receive this care from your partner day in and day out.

You're vulnerable with each other

Good communication is a necessary quality of a healthy relationship. If you're not willing to share what's going on with you or what you need from your partner, you're not going to get what you need. Yet people—out of shame or a habit built over a lifetime of bottling up our feelings—don't want to let anyone else in on what's going on with us. If you can trust your partner enough to share your feelings, you're more likely to find yourself in a safe relationship that lasts.

RELATED: How Lack Of Communication Can Sneakily Ruin Relationships

You have total trust in each other

Healthy relationships require trust. You have to be willing to trust your partner not only with your feelings but with your weaknesses. You will have to learn trust at the emotional, physical, and spiritual level. Trust takes practice and is earned one step at a time. Even when trust is broken , you can find a way to repair a breach in trust if you're willing to work on it.

You both maintain unwavering honesty

In a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to share what's going on, no matter how ugly. You can't hide behind lies and deception if you want your relationship to last. If you can't believe your partner when they tell you something, or if your partner is hiding things from you, it's going to be hard for you to feel safe. Honesty helps foster trust and a belief in each other, which is crucial to making it over the long haul. (Here's what open and honest communication in a relationship looks like.)

There's mutual empathy

Another key quality of a healthy relationship is empathy . Empathy means trying to understand what your partner is feeling. It isn't about trying to fix your partner's concerns and problems, necessarily, but about being able to be there for them. If you can pay more attention to what's going on with your partner and strive to see things through their eyes, you will find yourself getting closer over time rather than more distant.

You both prioritize kindness

Do all the things for your partner that you would do for your best friend. Try to anticipate their needs. Think about what they need help with and try to be there for them. Cut out the behavior that gets on their nerves, and find ways to uplift your partner. Thoughtfulness, consideration, and kindness is the recipe for healthy relationships.

You respect each other's boundaries

It's important not to forget that you're two separate people with separate needs, including some needs that you may not share. You will not agree on everything, and sometimes you may not want the same things. It's important to respect these differences and not push each other's boundaries , including emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, and any other types of boundaries . Boundaries are a necessary characteristic of a healthy relationship.

You're both totally committed

You have to be committed to your partner, yes. But more than commitment to your partner, you have to be committed to the relationship. If you think about the health and future of the relationship instead of just your own, you're likely to take more constructive actions and behave differently. It's not just about getting your needs met. It's about replenishing the fire so your relationship can last. That's what a healthy relationship is all about.

You're both thoughtful

Thoughtfulness is a characteristic of a healthy relationship that often gets overlooked because it can be hard to articulate. Essentially, thoughtfulness means keeping your partner in mind and striving to do things that will make their lives better. It's knowing their preferences, opinions, and quirks so you're able to dance with them, not fight them with. The better you know your partner, the more you can practice thoughtfulness. What can you do today to help them or improve their lives? What can you do today to make your partner's day?

You can forgive each other

Any partner will have qualities, characteristics, and behaviors that push your buttons. To make your relationship last, you have to accept your partner unconditionally—quirks, behavior, flaws, and all.

Likewise, you will sometimes feel hurt throughout a relationship because we're all humans who make mistakes. The key is to forgive quickly, let go of grudges, and start over each day. Yes, this is easier said than done, but forgiveness is crucial to the long-term health of the relationship. You have to let go of trespasses and also be willing to ask for forgiveness. Forgiveness takes courage, vulnerability, and practice.

Of course, forgiveness doesn't mean being a pushover or accepting mistreatment from your partner. There are many signs of an abusive relationship that aren't physical to be aware of. In a healthy relationship, you first you make the commitment to accept them completely. Then, you speak up and say what it is that's bothering you. If hurtful actions continue, it may be a sign you should break up .

RELATED: Unconditional Love: How To Give It & Know If It's Healthy

You're gentle with each other

Gentleness comes through in thoughts, words, actions, and your general state of being. It's understanding and accepting your partner completely and treating them delicately. It's not yelling, not name-calling, and not being verbally or emotionally harsh with each other.

Gentleness is treating your partner in a respectful, kind, and compassionate way. It's recognizing your soulful connection and appreciating their inherent humanness.

There's a lot of affection

After some time in relationships, we often forget to show love and affection toward our partners. But affection is a key quality of a healthy relationship. It's the stuff that make relationships great.

Affection can be as simple as touching, holding, or kissing your partner for no reason at all. It's a warm embrace, a light touch, a loving word, or any other small way you can show your partner that you love them.

To be most affectionate, you have to know how your partner receives love best and do more of that. Is it a loving word, a thoughtful gesture, help around the house, or doing something special for them? The better you know what your partner enjoys, the more affectionate you can be.

The love languages quiz can help you figure out how you and your partner can most effectively show your love to each other.

You consistently appreciate each other

Gratitude is another key quality of a healthy relationship. We all take our partners for granted sometimes. If you can regularly remind yourself how lucky you are and how valuable your partner is, and tell them so, you will boost the happiness and longevity of your relationship. Partners who stay together appreciate each other and compliment each other. Recognize what your partner is doing, and let them know that you're thankful for it.

You both feel validated by the other

Most of the time, people don't really understand us. Everyone has different opinions, and needing to always be right can negatively affect your relationship. Validating your partner shows them that you're on their side. When you understand and accept what they say, they feel fully seen, heard, and accepted. It's acknowledging what your partner is saying to you and showing them that you get them—you understand what they're saying and experiencing. When you validate, you accept. And when you accept, you show unconditional love , which is ultimately what keeps people and relationships together in the long run.

Now that you know the characteristics, here are some tips on how to have a healthy relationship .

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The Science Behind Happy Relationships

W hen it comes to relationships , most of us are winging it. We’re exhilarated by the early stages of love , but as we move onto the general grind of everyday life, personal baggage starts to creep in and we can find ourselves floundering in the face of hurt feelings, emotional withdrawal, escalating conflict, insufficient coping techniques and just plain boredom. There’s no denying it: making and keeping happy and healthy relationships is hard.

But a growing field of research into relationships is increasingly providing science-based guidance into the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples — and how to make any struggling relationship better. As we’ve learned, the science of love and relationships boils down to fundamental lessons that are simultaneously simple, obvious and difficult to master: empathy, positivity and a strong emotional connection drive the happiest and healthiest relationships.

Maintaining a strong emotional connection

“The most important thing we’ve learned, the thing that totally stands out in all of the developmental psychology, social psychology and our lab’s work in the last 35 years is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love .

That responsiveness, in a nutshell, is all about sending a cue and having the other person respond to it. “The $99 million question in love is, ‘Are you there for me?’” says Johnson. “It’s not just, ‘Are you my friend and will you help me with the chores?’ It’s about emotional synchronicity and being tuned in.”

“Every couple has differences,” continues Johnson. “What makes couples unhappy is when they have an emotional disconnection and they can’t get a feeling of secure base or safe haven with this person.” She notes that criticism and rejection — often met with defensiveness and withdrawal — are exceedingly distressing, and something that our brain interprets as a danger cue.

To foster emotional responsiveness between partners, Johnson pioneered Emotionally Focused Therapy , in which couples learn to bond through having conversations that express needs and avoid criticism. “Couples have to learn how to talk about feelings in ways that brings the other person closer,” says Johnson.

Keeping things positive

According to Carrie Cole, director of research for the Gottman Institute , an organization dedicated to the research of marriage, emotional disengagement can easily happen in any relationship when couples are not doing things that create positivity. “When that happens, people feel like they’re just moving further and further apart until they don’t even know each other anymore,” says Cole. That focus on positivity is why the Gottman Institute has embraced the motto “small things often.” The Gottman Lab has been studying relationship satisfaction since the 1970s, and that research drives the Institute’s psychologists to encourage couples to engage in small, routine points of contact that demonstrate appreciation.

One easy place to start is to find ways to compliment your partner every day, says Cole — whether it’s expressing your appreciation for something they’ve done or telling them, specifically, what you love about them. This exercise can accomplish two beneficial things: First, it validates your partner and helps them feel good about themselves. And second, it helps to remind you why you chose that person in the first place.

Listen to the brain, not just your heart

When it comes to the brain and love, biological anthropologist and Kinsey Institute senior fellow Helen Fisher has found — after putting people into a brain scanner — that there are three essential neuro-chemical components found in people who report high relationship satisfaction: practicing empathy, controlling one’s feelings and stress and maintaining positive views about your partner.

In happy relationships, partners try to empathize with each other and understand each other’s perspectives instead of constantly trying to be right. Controlling your stress and emotions boils down to a simple concept: “Keep your mouth shut and don’t act out,” says Fisher. If you can’t help yourself from getting mad, take a break by heading out to the gym, reading a book, playing with the dog or calling a friend — anything to get off a destructive path. Keeping positive views of your partner, which Fisher calls “positive illusions,” are all about reducing the amount of time you spend dwelling on negative aspects of your relationship. “No partner is perfect, and the brain is well built to remember the nasty things that were said,” says Fisher. “But if you can overlook those things and just focus on what’s important, it’s good for the body, good for the mind and good for the relationship.”

Happier relationships, happier life

Ultimately, the quality of a person’s relationships dictates the quality of their life. “Good relationships aren’t just happier and nicer,” says Johnson. “When we know how to heal [relationships] and keep them strong, they make us resilient. All these clichés about how love makes us stronger aren’t just clichés; it’s physiology. Connection with people who love and value us is our only safety net in life.”

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Why Communication In Relationships Is So Important

Willie B. Thomas / Getty Images

What Kind of Communicator Are You?

• Why Communication Matters
• Limitations
• Characteristics
• Communication Problems
• Improve Your Communication

When to Get Help

Communication is vital for healthy relationships . Being able to talk openly and honestly with the people in your life allows you to share, learn, respond, and forge lasting bonds. This is a vital part of any relationship, including those with friends and family, but it can be particularly important in romantic relationships. 

At a Glance

While all relationships are different and each one has its own ups and downs, being able to talk to your partner means that you'll be able to share your worries, show support for one another, and work together to handle conflict more effectively.

If the communication in your relationship is lacking, you can strengthen it by being present in your conversations, focusing on your relationship, and really listening to what your partner has to say.

Our fast and free communication styles quiz can help give you some insight into how you interact with others and what it could mean for your interpersonal relationships, both at work and at home.

Benefits of Communication in Relationships

According to Dr. John Gottman, a clinical psychologist and founder of the Gottman Institute, a couple's communication pattern can often predict how successful a relationship will be. Good communication can help enhance your relationship in a variety of ways:

Less Rumination

Communication in relationships can minimize rumination . Instead of stewing over negative feelings, good communication allows people to discuss their concerns and resolve them in a more positive, effective way.

Greater Intimacy

Good communication in relationships also fosters intimacy. Forming a close emotional connection with another person requires a mutual give-and-take when it comes to sharing things about yourself and listening to the other person.

This reciprocal self-disclosure means talking about your experiences, beliefs, values, opinions, and expectations. In order to do this, you both need to possess communication skills that foster this connection and allow it to grow and deepen with time. 

Less Conflict

Communication in relationships reduces and resolves conflict. Every relationship is bound to experience conflict from time to time.

When you are able to talk about your problems in an open and honest way, however, you can resolve arguments and disagreements more readily.

Rather than getting caught up in a cycle of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and emotional strife, you can address your problems and take steps to improve your relationship .

Communication Doesn't Solve Everything

While the common assumption has long been that if you want to improve your relationship, you should start by improving your communication, some research has suggested that the answer might not be so simple. 

A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that while there is certainly a connection between communication and relationship satisfaction, good communication alone doesn't definitively predict how happy you'll be in your relationships.

Other Factors Play a Role

Other factors—including how much interaction a couple has, the personality characteristics of each partner, and stress—all play a part in determining how satisfied people feel in their relationship.

Another study found that positive communication did not have a strong connection with relationship satisfaction over time. However, couples that reported less negative communication than usual and reported feeling more satisfied with their relationship than they usually did.

So while research suggests that communicating well isn't a guarantee for a happy relationship, there is plenty of research indicating that good communication skills enhance relationships and well-being in a number of ways.

Effective communication is one way to foster a positive, supportive relationship with your partner.

When you actively listen and respond to your partner (and they do the same for you), both of you are more likely to feel valued and cared for. 

For example, one study found that when people feel that their partner values them, they are more likely to sleep better. And ultimately, feeling more valued, positive, and happy in your relationships can have a beneficial impact on your overall well-being. 

Communication is just one part of a good relationship. Research suggests that people who are happy in their relationships are more likely to communicate well with one another. 

Signs of Great Communication in Relationships

So what do experts mean when they talk about "good communication?" Are you and your partner both on the same page or are there signs that might indicate a problem in how you relate to one another? 

First, it is important to think about what we mean by communication. On the surface, it involves the words that people use to convey information to one another.

But it can also involve other ways of transmitting information including tone of voice, body language , and other forms of nonverbal communication . In many cases, what you don’t say can mean just as much if not more than what you do say.

Some of the hallmarks of effective communication in relationships include:

• Active listening : Active listening involves being engaged in the conversation, listening attentively, and reflecting back on what people have said. It also involves asking for clarification when needed and avoiding making judgments. 
• Not personalizing issues : When communicating in relationships, people who are good at it avoid personalizing their partner's actions. Instead, they focus on the situation and how things can be resolved.
• Using "I feel" statements : I-statements can be helpful in interpersonal conflicts. Instead of saying, "You never clean up after yourself," try using an I-statement like, "I feel uncomfortable when there is clutter accumulating around the house."
• Kindness : Kindness is important because it makes people feel cared for and understood.
• Being present : When talking with your partner, it is important to be fully present in the moment . Getting distracted by outside sources–including electronic distractions such as your phone–can lead to a lack of communication and a poor connection.
• Showing acceptance : Healthy communication is about accepting and validating the other person , even if you might not agree with them. When you communicate well with your partner, you’re able to recognize that people have a right to feel their feelings even if those emotions and reactions are different from your own.

Communicating well in relationships involves actively listening, avoiding judgments, and practicing kindness instead of trying to win the argument.

Signs of Poor Communication in Relationships

Some signs that your relationship is being negatively affected by communication problems include:

• Assuming that you know what your partner thinks or feels
• Constantly criticizing one another
• Engaging in passive-aggressive behaviors
• Feeling like you can't really talk to your partner
• Getting defensive when your partner tries to talk to you
• Giving each other the silent treatment
• Having the same arguments over and over without reaching a resolution
• Refusing to compromise or listen to the other person's perspective
• Stonewalling in order to avoid problems or conversations

It is also important to learn to recognize some of the more subtle signs of poor communication. This can include avoiding arguments for the sake of keeping the peace.

If you never disagree, it means that one of you is hiding what you really feel or think just to avoid a fight. This deprives you both of experiencing authentic, open, and honest discussions.

Withholding issues can be another common communication problem in relationships. Instead of having tough conversations with your partner, you might avoid the issue and then end up dumping all of your anger, irritation, worries, or problems on the other people in your life. 

For example, when you don’t tell your partner you are upset, you might end up ranting to your friend about your frustrations. While this might provide you with an emotional outlet, it doesn’t do anything to resolve the problem. And it might result in passive-aggressive actions designed to "punish" your partner for not being able to read your mind.

Criticisms, defensiveness, silence, and feeling misunderstood are just a few signs of communication problems in a relationship. And a lack of arguing isn't necessarily a sign that you're communicating well. Instead, it may mean you are holding back in order to avoid conflict.

5 Ways to Improve Communication in Relationships

If you think that poor communication is having a negative impact on your relationship, there are strategies that can help you improve your connection.

Consider Your Attachment Style

Think about how your attachment style might affect your communication patterns. Attachment styles are your characteristic patterns of behavior in relationships. Your early attachment style, which emerges in childhood based on relationships with caregivers, can continue to affect how you behave and respond in adult romantic relationships.

If you have an insecure attachment style , you may be more likely to engage in communication patterns that can be seen as anxious or avoidant. Recognizing how your attachment style affects how you interact with your partner (and how your partner's style affects how they interact with you) can give you clues into what you might need to work on.

If you or your partner have an insecure attachment style, it can have an impact on how you communicate and interact with your partner. Knowing your style and being aware of how it may manifest as anxious or avoidant behavior can help you find ways to overcome less effective communication patterns.

Be Fully Present

In order to make sure that both of you are listening and understanding, minimize distractions and focus on being fully present when you are communicating. This might involve setting aside time each day to really focus on one another and talk about the events of the day and any concerns you may have. 

Limiting your device use at certain times of day, such as during meals or at bedtime, can be a great way to focus on your partner without having your attention pulled in different directions.

Use "I" Statements

Sometimes the way that you talk to each other can play a major role in communication problems. If you are both focusing on arguing facts without talking about feelings, arguments can quickly turn into debates over who is "right" or who gets the last word.

Examples of "I" Statements

"I" statements are focused on what you are feeling instead of your partner’s behavior. For example, instead of saying, "You are never on time," you might say "I get worried when you don’t arrive on time."

Using this type of statement can help conversations seem less accusatory or blaming and instead help you and your partner focus on the emotions behind some of the issues you are concerned about.

Avoid Negative Communication Patterns

When you are tempted to engage in behavior like ignoring your partner, using passive-aggressive actions, or yelling, consider how your actions will negatively affect your relationship.

It isn’t always easy to change these patterns, since many of them formed in childhood, but becoming more aware of them can help you start to replace these destructive behaviors with healthier, more positive habits.

Focus on Your Relationship

While good communication is important, research suggests that it is just one of many factors that impact the success, duration, and satisfaction in relationships. 

In fact, research seems to suggest that your satisfaction with your relationship might predict how well you and your partner communicate.

The more satisfied people are in their relationship, the more likely they are to openly talk about their thoughts, feelings, concerns, and problems with one another.

If you want to improve your communication, focusing on improving your relationship overall can play an important role.

There are many steps you can take to improve the communication in your relationship on your own, but there may be times that you feel like professional help might be needed. Couples therapy can be a great way to address communication problems that might be holding your relationship back. 

A therapist can help identify unhelpful communication patterns, develop new coping techniques, and practice talking to one another in more effective ways. They can also address any underlying resentments or other mental health issues that might be having a detrimental impact on your relationship.

Keep in Mind

Effective communication in a relationship allows people to tell other people what they need and to respond to what their partner needs. It allows people to feel understood, validated, and connected to another person. 

Always remember that the goal of communicating is to understand one another. It isn't about sweeping problems under the rug in order to prevent all conflict. Instead, focus on listening to understand and responding with empathy and care. If you and your partner are struggling with communication issues, consider talking to a therapist for advice and tips on how to cope.

Gottman J, Silver N. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work . New York, NY: Crown Publishers; 1999.

Lavner JA, Karney BR, Bradbury TN. Does couples’ communication predict marital satisfaction, or does marital satisfaction predict communication?: couple communication and marital satisfaction . Journal of Marriage and Family . 2016;78(3):680-694. doi:10.1111/jomf.12301

Johnson MD, Lavner JA, Mund M, et al. Within-couple associations between communication and relationship satisfaction over time .  Pers Soc Psychol Bull . 2022;48(4):534-549. doi:10.1177/01461672211016920

Selcuk E, Stanton SCE, Slatcher RB, Ong AD. Perceived partner responsiveness predicts better sleep quality through lower anxiety . Social Psychological and Personality Science . 2017;8(1):83-92. doi:10.1177/1948550616662128

Rogers SL, Howieson J, Neame C. I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: the benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict .  PeerJ . 2018;6:e4831. doi:10.7717/peerj.4831

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

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Essay on Relationship | Relationship Essay for Students and Children in English

February 7, 2024 by Prasanna

Essay on Relationship: Human is a social animal. To survive and stay happy, he needs to get connected with the people around him. To love and to be loved is the best feeling in the world. The feeling of this love and the connection between two people is what we call a relationship. Right from the family relationship, friendship, acquaintances, and romantic relationship, all are important at one or the other point of life. Having a relationship is thus one of the most important things in life.

You can read more  Essay Writing  about articles, events, people, sports, technology many more.

Long and Short Essays on Relationship for Students and Kids in English

In this article, we have provided a long essay and a short essay, along with ten lines on the topic, to help students write this essay in examinations. Given below is a long essay composed of about 500 words and a short composition comprising 100-150 words on the relationship in English.

Long Essay on Relationship 500 words in English

Relationship essay is usually given to classes 7, 8, 9, and 10.

Having a relationship is very important in everyone’s life. To stay happy, share your feelings, feel loved, have a connection, and know yourself in a better manner you need to have a relationship. As you grow old, the relationship transforms. Thus, we can define relationships as a bond between two people based on mutual likes, understanding, need, or love. Since birth, humans enter into a relationship. Broadly, there are four types of relationships:

Family Relationship: This is the most basic kind of relationship. It comes into existence based on the blood, kinship, marriage, or even adoption. It usually includes family members and relatives like parents, grandparents, children, siblings, cousins, uncle, aunts, and other such family members.

Friendship: As a child grows, he starts meeting people and attending school. It is the time when friendship comes to existence. Based on mutual likes and dislikes, the child befriends. This relationship occurs at every stage. As we grow old, we do make new friends. But friendship is a reciprocal relationship based on trust, care, and faith from both ends.  Friendship is that special God-given gift to humans with whom one can share multiple resonating feelings.

Romantic Relationship: Human has been always hungry for love. It is usually a relationship based on a strong feeling of connectivity based on personality or some physical attributes as well. This relationship usually is seen between husband-wife. It is one of the closest and strongest forms of relationship.

Acquaintances: As we move across daily, we encounter a lot of people that pass by. They are neither friends nor relatives. They can be neighbors, a travel companion, someone you meet at the park, or any other such person. But if such a relationship is treated with respect and care, it can grow to friendship in the future.

Love and trust are such emotions that are most profound in humans. People interact daily which acts as the base for the formation of relationships. For having a good and healthy relationship, the person needs to focus on the basic four attributes. They are communication, trust, respect, and love. For any relationship to flourish and sustain, one needs to have the four pillars incorporated in the deep roots of the relationship.

Every relationship starts when two people communicate. Having a healthy communication is important to share problems and find a solution for them. In the absence of communication, the relationship fails due to mistrust and doubts. Secondly, trust is the foundation of any relationship. Every relationship starting right from family or friends, if the trust is void, then the relationship is bound to end or fall.

Mutual trust and loyalty can be gained when you share your true feelings. The third pillar is respect. In personal as well as professional world respect is very important. If a person respects others, then he gains respect from others. Treating others will respect and care not only gains respect for themselves but also creates a base for a long-term relationship. The last is love. If there is love, there is care. Every person searches for love in their life. Having a relationship full of love makes a person happy and relationship strengthens.

Relationships are not built in a day. They need constant focus and attention. When people have successful and healthy relationships, they bound to stay happy and satisfied. Apart, the quality of life also enhances. Relationships may take time but investing in them can lead you to ‘Happily Ever After’.

Short Essay on Relationship 150 words in English

Relationship essay is usually provided to classes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.

A relationship is when two people bond or connects based on the feeling of mutual trust, likes, dislikes, or love. It can be a relationship between family, friends, neighbors, passerby, or any other acquaintances. Having a good relationship is very important to sustain happily. Relationships give a person a chance to get connected with the people around and understand the true self.

Broadly, the relationships are of four types. The family relationship is the relationship based on blood or kinship. The friendship is based on mutual like and dislike. The romantic relationship is based on love and attraction. Lastly, there is an acquaintance which is a relationship with people you encounter but they are neither your friends nor family.

The healthy and successful relationship is based on four pillars. They are communication, trust, respect, and love. These are important to sustain and flourish in all kinds of relationships. These pillars help you share your thoughts and feelings. By doing so, you are in a position to strengthen your relationship. Relationships take time to create and when they grow strong they are forever and you can claim you are in a position of’ happily ever after’.

10 Lines on Relationship Essay in English

• A relationship is when two or more people bond together based on mutual trust, love, care, and connection.
• It is of four types, namely, family relationship, friendship, romantic relationship, and acquaintances.
• Family relationship is based on blood or kinship. Friendship is based on mutual likes and dislikes. A romantic relationship is based on strong attraction and love. Acquaintances are ones you know or meet daily but are neither your friends nor family.
• The pillars of any successful relationship are communication, trust, respect, and love.
• To sustain any relationship, the four pillars need to be focused on.
• Communication in a relationship is important to share your feelings and build trust as well.
• Respect in any kind of relationship is a must. As said, if you give respect you get respect.
• Relationships need focus and attention to survive and grow strong.
• Good and healthy relationships take time to form. But once formed, they are to stay forever.
• To have a happy, healthy, and long lives, people need to have happy and healthy relationships.

FAQ’s on Relationship Essay

Question 1. What is the relationship?

Answer: The feeling of connection and love based on mutual trust and care between two or more people is defined as a relationship.

Question 2. Briefly explain types of relationships.

Answer: There are four types of relationships, namely, family relationship, friendship, romantic relationships, and acquaintances. Family relationship is based on blood or kinship. Friendship is based on mutual likes and dislikes. A romantic relationship is based on strong attraction and love. Acquaintances are ones you know or meet daily but are neither your friends nor family

Question 3. What are the pillars of a healthy relationship?

Answer: There are four pillars of a healthy and successful relationship. They are communication, trust, respect, and love.

Question 4. Why people need healthy relationships?

Answer: Human is a part of society. To have a happy, healthy, and long lives, people need to have happy and healthy relationships.

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Essay on Healthy Relationships

Students are often asked to write an essay on Healthy Relationships in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

What is a healthy relationship.

A healthy relationship is like a good friendship. It is when two people spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. They respect each other, listen to each other, and understand each other’s needs. They support each other in good and bad times. A healthy relationship is full of love, trust, and happiness.

Importance of Communication

Talking and listening are important in a healthy relationship. It helps people understand each other better. They can share their feelings, thoughts, and ideas. Good communication also helps to solve problems and avoid misunderstandings.

Trust and Honesty

Trust and honesty are key in a healthy relationship. Trust means believing in the other person. Honesty means telling the truth. Both help to build a strong and loving relationship. They make people feel safe and comfortable with each other.

Respect and Boundaries

Respect is treating others the way you want to be treated. It is about valuing the other person’s feelings, thoughts, and choices. Boundaries are also important. They are rules that help people feel safe and comfortable. They protect people’s personal space and freedom.

Dealing with Conflicts

250 words essay on healthy relationships.

A healthy relationship is a bond between two or more people. It is filled with respect, trust, honesty, and good communication. In such relationships, people feel safe and happy. They enjoy spending time together and support each other in good and bad times.

Key Features

There are some important features of a healthy relationship. These include open communication, respect, trust, and equality. Open communication means that people talk freely about their feelings. Respect means that they value each other’s opinions and feelings. Trust means that they believe in each other. Equality means that they treat each other as equals.

Why are Healthy Relationships Important?

Healthy relationships are important for our well-being. They make us feel happy and secure. They also help us grow as individuals. In a healthy relationship, we learn to trust and respect others. We also learn to communicate our feelings in a better way.

How to Build Healthy Relationships?

Building a healthy relationship takes effort. It starts with respect and trust. We should respect each other’s feelings and trust each other. We should also communicate openly. If there is a problem, we should talk about it and find a solution together. We should also spend quality time together. This helps to strengthen the bond.

In conclusion, a healthy relationship is a beautiful bond. It is filled with respect, trust, and good communication. It makes us feel happy and secure. It helps us grow as individuals. To build a healthy relationship, we should respect, trust, and communicate openly with each other.

500 Words Essay on Healthy Relationships

Signs of a healthy relationship.

There are many signs of a healthy relationship. One of the most important is respect. This means that each person values the other and understands and respects their rights.

Another sign is trust. Trust is like a strong rope that holds the relationship together. If there is trust, each person feels secure and safe.

Importance of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are very important for our happiness and well-being. They give us a sense of belonging and help us feel loved and valued. They also provide support when we face challenges or problems.

Moreover, healthy relationships teach us important life skills. They help us learn how to respect others, how to trust, and how to communicate effectively. These skills are very helpful in all areas of our life.

Building a Healthy Relationship

The first step is to build respect. This can be done by treating the other person with kindness, listening to them, and valuing their opinions.

The second step is to build trust. This can be done by being honest, reliable, and keeping promises.

The third step is to build good communication. This can be done by talking openly about feelings and thoughts, listening carefully, and trying to understand the other person’s point of view.

In conclusion, a healthy relationship is a valuable part of our lives. It is built on respect, trust, and good communication. It brings us joy and helps us grow as individuals. Building a healthy relationship takes time and effort, but the rewards are worth it. Remember, everyone deserves to be in a healthy and happy relationship.

This essay is a simple guide to understanding the concept of healthy relationships. It is important to remember that each relationship is unique and may require different approaches. But the basic principles of respect, trust, and communication always remain the same.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

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Interpersonal Communication and Effective Relationships Essay

• To find inspiration for your paper and overcome writer’s block
• As a source of information (ensure proper referencing)
• As a template for you assignment

Introduction

The relationship situation, the relationship’s stage, interpersonal communication theories, the affectionate exchange theory, the communication theory of identity.

Interpersonal communication is an essential attribute of life since humans, being a social creature, cannot avoid interaction with other people. The quality and productivity of communication patterns can vary, and related theories explain how the relationship process is formed and developed. As an example for analysis, my personal situation will be given in which my childhood friend and I appear. The affectionate exchange theory and the communication theory of identity are relevant concepts that can be applied to the situation under consideration to assess their usefulness for managing that case.

The situation for analysis concerns our joint trip to the cinema with a friend. When choosing a movie to watch, I insisted that we should watch a new blockbuster to see if it was worth the many positive reviews on the internet. However, my friend argued that we should not have gone to that film because it had no aesthetic value and insisted that we should have chosen a drama by a little-known but respected director. That situation did not give rise to serious disagreements between us but became the reason for the discussion. I, for my part, said that he behaved like a snob. My friend, in turn, spoke about the fact that we did not need to succumb to mass advertising and consume content that had no artistic meaning. As a result, we could not decide which film we could attend.

Commitment is the relationship’s stage that has affected the situation in question. My friend and I have known each other for many years. Despite any differences of opinion and misunderstandings, we both know that our friendship remains constant and does not depend on such factors as individual perceptions and preferences. As Floyd (2020) notes, commitment is the stage at which strong relationships are built. It is possible that it was due to our long communication with the friend that we did not quarrel and did not begin to sort things out by turning to personalities.

Appropriate interpersonal communication theories can be utilized as concepts to interpret the aforementioned situation. As such models, the affectionate exchange theory and the communication theory of identity have been chosen. Each of these concepts reflects characteristic patterns of interaction and allows a specific case of communication to be described to obtain a comprehensive view of the disagreement and reflect the background and potential consequences.

This concept is a model that largely explains the social nature of humans. According to Floyd (2020), the theory has its roots in basic life necessities, such as procreation and survival. In their desire to receive support, people interact with others, which develops over time into close relationships and transforms communication into a closer connection, for instance, into a family. Graves (2021) considers this concept as a framework that allows one to interpret “feelings of fondness and intense positive regard” (p. 356). As a result, the stability of communication is expressed in love or friendship relationships.

In terms of the aforementioned situation, the affectionate exchange theory demonstrates my desire to maintain normal relationships with my friend, regardless of the difference in views. While we may see individual cultural trends and view life differently, our friendship is what binds us, although our preferences are individual. Therefore, this concept, in many ways, fits the situation of going to the cinema and helps answer the question of why our relationship did not worsen after the discussion.

Another concept that may be applied to the situation in question is the communication theory of identity. According to Floyd (2020), this model is a framework that describes how different types of identity, including personal, communal, and some others, influence the nature of interpersonal interaction. Given the differences between people, distinctive perceptions regarding the same phenomena develop. Moreover, as Stewart (2022) states, layers of identity should not be separated in the evaluation of specific personality manifestations because it is this totality that influences particular worldviews. Therefore, from a communication perspective, an appropriate set of identity patterns defines relationships.

In the context of the situation presented, applying this theory can help understand that each person has a unique set of identities. In other words, even two people who are close to each other cannot consider and evaluate the same phenomenon or event in exactly the same way. Age, culture, and other characteristics inevitably affect the perception of the world, and our different views on cinema emphasize this thesis. Thus, when applying this theory to our situation, I can say that our unconditional acceptance of each other’s set of identities could have helped avoid any disputes.

The affectionate exchange theory and the communication theory of identity allow for interpreting the situation of my dispute with my friend and help assess how individual interaction patterns determine the nature of communication. The stage of commitment shows that despite any differences, my friend and I are not ready to give up communication. Both theoretical concepts involved contribute to understanding the characteristics of personal perceptions, which largely determine individuality.

Floyd, K. (2020). Interpersonal communication (4 th ed.). McGraw Hill.

Graves, C. G. (2021). Insights on affection exchange dynamics in interpersonal interaction . Personal Relationships , 28 (2), 355-378. Web.

Stewart, C. O. (2022). Stem identities: A communication theory of identity approach . Journal of Language and Social Psychology , 41 (2), 148-170. Web.

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Home — Essay Samples — Sociology — Effective Communication — Effective Communication: The Key to Building Strong Connections

Effective Communication: The Key to Building Strong Connections

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Published: Sep 12, 2023

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The importance of effective communication, key elements of effective communication, barriers to effective communication, strategies for improving communication, 1. building relationships:, 2. resolving conflicts:, 3. achieving goals:, 4. personal development:, 5. success in the workplace:, 1. clarity:, 2. active listening:, 3. empathy:, 4. nonverbal communication:, 5. respect:, 1. misunderstandings:, 2. lack of active listening:, 3. emotional barriers:, 4. assumptions and stereotypes:, 5. lack of feedback:, 1. practice active listening:, 2. foster empathy:, 3. be mindful of nonverbal cues:, 4. seek feedback:, 5. adapt to your audience: h3>, 6. practice constructive communication:, 7. educate yourself:.

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3 steps for creating a deeply secure relationship, from a psychologist.

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Here’s how to walk away from an insecure attachment style and experience relationship security for ... [+] good.

An “attachment style” refers to the way we form emotional bonds and connect with others, typically shaped by early experiences with our caregivers. These patterns then tend to influence all future relationships.

An “insecure attachment style” is characterized by struggling with emotional connection, a fear of rejection as well as a tendency to push others away to avoid vulnerability. In romantic relationships, these patterns may lead to cycles of neediness, withdrawal or erratic behavior, which can create instability and emotional distress.

In contrast, “securely attached” individuals are typically trusting, open to emotional closeness and able to communicate their needs and emotions effectively. They tend to have a positive view of themselves and their partners, and are comfortable with both giving and receiving love and support.

Fighting ingrained romantic patterns can feel like an uphill battle and often requires a steadfast commitment to self-reflection, consistent effort and the willingness to challenge deeply rooted beliefs about relationships.

A 2019 study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy interviewed participants with a history of attachment insecurity and found that those who had successfully developed a more secure attachment style tended to follow a similar path of taking charge of their own healing.

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Here are three steps to creating a secure attachment with your partner, according to the study.

1. Being Intentional About Relationships

Participants developed a secure attachment by making a deliberate and conscious effort to change their relationship patterns and be mindful of their words and actions around others. They also mentioned having to overcome setbacks, such as falling back into their old patterns.

“I would test my friends...you see how much you can push them away before they just run away,” one participant explains, describing a pattern she had to break.

This intentionality also meant addressing attachment issues head-on, learning from their mistakes and consistently making choices that aligned with their goals for healthier connections.

Another essential factor was the presence of “ surrogate attachment figures ”—people who modeled secure, healthy relationships rather than figures in their life who had done the opposite. Surrogates could be mentors, friends, spouses, therapists or even members of faith communities.

“I knew I wanted to do it differently. So, I sought out people that looked like they were doing well,” one participant explains.

By observing and interacting with individuals who demonstrated healthy relational behaviors, participants were able to reimagine what secure attachment could look like in their own lives. These relationships provided a roadmap for positive change and reinforced the idea that secure connections are possible.

“Developing really good friendships that were reciprocal instead of one-sided showed me it wasn’t all people that were [unsafe]. I had the ability to look at both [positive and negative relationships] and say, ‘This one is better,’” another participant acknowledges.

2. Reshaping Your Self-Worth

“For positive change to last, internal changes at a cognitive, emotional and spiritual level had to take place,” the researchers suggest.

For many participants, this process involved redefining their identity and worth as individuals. They described having to let go of a “victim mentality” they carried with them. Negative childhood experiences of trauma, abuse or parental neglect often led to an internalized belief that they were doomed to always feel like powerless victims.

“Several described a type of entitlement to act a certain way because of the circumstances they grew up in, so being humbled was key to developing strength and resilience consistent with a secure attachment style. When they intentionally owned their actions in relationships, their interactions with others improved,” the researchers explain.

“I grew up with blamers...it was always someone else’s fault, [and] I started to recognize that pattern in myself,” one participant says, highlighting the essential role of self-reflection in her journey.

Redefining identity also involved challenging long-held self-doubts and reframing perceived weaknesses as strengths. Many participants described realizing that their negative self-perceptions were based on false beliefs. As they embraced a more positive sense of self, their self-worth improved and they were able to start approaching relationships from a place of security, rather than fear.

“Once I discovered I have value apart from everyone else...It’s like I’ve decided my time and energy is valuable so I’m gonna spend it on people who also value me,” another participant explains.

3. Actively Creating Healthier Relationships

Many participants had to make peace with their past and learn to trust in love again. This involved addressing unresolved issues with their parents or other early caregivers. Participants worked through the processes of forgiving them and moving past feelings of hurt, which allowed for healthier, more balanced relationships in the present.

“Participants were able to reframe their parents’ problems as insecurities or identify negative family patterns in which their parents were stuck, resulting in not knowing how to be a secure figure,” the researchers explain.

With a new understanding of their caregivers’ limitations, they were able to view these relationships through a more compassionate lens. This shift also helped them realize that they had the power to create the life they wanted, rather than being defined by their upbringing.

Building secure relationships also involves “reaching outward” by gradually taking risks with building trust in new relationships. For many, this began with joining communities, engaging in shared experiences and allowing themselves to be vulnerable and supported by others. This requires patience and intentional effort to push past anxiety and open up to connection.

“Once I ...[realized] my mother couldn’t trust others but even more so couldn’t trust her own opinion, I told myself I didn’t want that. So that awareness helped change it for me,” one participant explains.

Creating a secure relationship may seem daunting, but each small step forward builds on the last, leading to significant positive change. By committing to this process, you lay the groundwork for lasting emotional security, transforming your relationships with others, while embracing deep care and respect for yourself.

Are you sabotaging your relationships as a result of relationship insecurity? Take this test to learn more: Relationship Sabotage Scale

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There are three key parts of a healthy relationship—here’s how to build them

The trick is sticking to these values during arguments, say therapists

Open TikTok on any given day, and you’ll see video after video about spotting red flags and identifying toxic relationships. But, while your FYP might have you convinced otherwise, relationships aren’t always black and white. In fact, this sort of content can vastly oversimplify human beings (and relationships).

Sure, you might be able to look at some past relationships and identify them as good or bad ones. And there are cases in which someone is an abusive or manipulative partner, and it would serve you well to seek help and find a way to safely leave. But not everyone you date can be so easily categorised into one of two boxes: 'healthy' or 'toxic.' Many relationships fall somewhere in between. 'It is important to note that while there are some universals in what is a healthy relationship—such as being supportive and kind to each other—and what is toxic, there is a wide spectrum within those areas that is very personal to the people involved in the relationship,' says Patrice Le Goy , PhD, LMFT, a relationship therapist based in Los Angeles.

It’s also important to note that just because your relationship was once healthy, that doesn’t mean that your partner should have a get-out-of-jail-free card if they start showing some bad behaviours. 'A healthy relationship can become unhealthy. Over time, a lot can happen and a lot can change,' says Caitlin Cantor , LCSW, CST, a couples and sex therapist who sees clients in Philadelphia and New Jersey. '...Old traumas get triggered; new traumas happen; people get complacent; people get distracted. [A lot] can happen that leads a once healthy relationship to become unhealthy.'

But, a quote-unquote 'unhealthy' relationship isn’t necessarily doomed, either—emphasis on necessarily . While you should tread carefully and keep your own well-being at the forefront of your mind, it is possible to redirect the relationship with the appropriate help, and depending on the circumstances. 'Usually this would require both people to work on themselves in the relationship,' Cantor adds. 'Without getting professional help, it’s unlikely for an unhealthy relationship to become healthy. But with help, it’s possible.'

While there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship, you can (and should!) strive for a healthier one—even if you’re already in a good place with your partner. Ahead, relationship therapists lay out the fundamental hallmarks of what makes a solid, nourishing, and mutually beneficial bond, and how you can implement them in your own partnership.

There’s no one way to have a healthy relationship, but there are three key characteristics you should strive to cultivate.

A healthy relationship can look different within different dynamics (there’s no one-size-fits-all mold when it comes to dating!), but there are a few benchmarks to check off: trust, communication, respect. The basics! You need all three, says Jack Hazan , LMHC, CSAT, a relationship therapist in New York City.

The ability to trust your partner, and vice versa, is the number one way to maintain a healthy relationship. 'Trust and safety with your partner is integral,' Hazan says. 'This means not keeping secrets, maintaining a sense of security, and knowing they won’t physically, emotionally, or mentally hurt you.'

Respecting your S.O. while establishing that trust—and meeting them in the middle with mutual understanding and love—is also integral to ultimately making it work, and work well. Believe it or not, there is enough space in the relationship for both partner’s opinions, thoughts, and feelings (even if they don’t perfectly align) as long as you’re willing to listen and meet them halfway.

'People should feel that their partner will listen to them and take their concerns seriously when issues arise,' Le Goy says. 'So, if you bring up an issue with your partner and they are able to listen without defensiveness and look for solutions to the problem, that is a sign of a healthy relationship.'

Building that trust requires you to communicate, and communicate well —that is, effectively, kindly, and with respect. And while having that open line of communication with your significant other is what establishes a firm and solid foundation in the relationship, it’s often a slow and steady development. 'Consistency and communication build trust,' says Melissa Fulgieri, LCSW, a therapist and author of Couples Therapy Activity Book. 'You put in deposits in the form of doing what you say you will, being consistent, being kind, and you take withdrawals when you criticize, defend, shut your partner down, blame them, et cetera.'

Fights happen in every relationship—what matters is how you meet your partner in the middle to resolve those conflicts.

Even healthy relationships can be privy to arguments, mistakes, and judgment lapses. Your partner is bound to mess up every now and again, and so are you. The important piece is how you’ll work on it, move forward, and try to better yourself, for the sake of both the person you love and your own well-being.

For starters, leave your defensiveness at the door. 'It limits the opportunity to communicate to your partner that you hear their perspective, understand their perspective, and see it as valid,' Fulgieri says. 'If you are too busy defending your perspective, you miss an opportunity to connect with your partner, which can only come from your partner feeling heard and understood.'

If you and your partner are in a heated argument, take a beat before responding, says Le Goy. Speaking without thinking can harm the relationship even deeper. '[Take] a moment to consider your own behaviour and reactions,' she says. '[Consider] where those are coming from and if your reactions are appropriate to the current situation or if they are a byproduct of a past experience.'

While a healthy relationship doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, it is dependent on the ability to forgive and grow from those mistakes, says Hazan. 'That’s not to say you should forgive everything your partner does,' he clarifies. 'But being able to choose your battles and decide what’s worth forgiving is crucial.'

To foster a healthier relationship, try these tips.

Relationships are constant work, even if you consider your own on the healthier side of the sliding scale. It’s still important to rely on those pillars of trust, communication, and mutual respect. And while you can’t build that foundation overnight, there are ways to get there:

Meet with a therapist.

Even if you’re already in a relationship that feels solid, healthy, and full of trust and respect, couples therapy can help provide a space to work through any recurring conflicts. But if you’ve ever gotten in a bad argument and wondered how healthy your relationship really is, it’s definitely time to bring in an unbiased third party who can help with a little moderation. As a rule of thumb, 'if you think you need to start seeing a therapist for relationship issues, it’s probably time,' Hazan says.

Do your own work, too.

Whether you find yourself getting explosive in fights or triggered by your partner’s behavior (for instance, maybe they have a tendency to shut down when arguing), it’s possible that some of your tendencies are contributing to a lack of trust, communication, and respect. Sometimes, these issues might stem from your past (think: your parents, or an ex), so it’s important to understand them in order to move forward, says Le Goy. Therapy can be a great tool to help you unpack and heal from the patterns that might be holding your relationship back.

Stay open and communicate effectively during disagreements.

Jumping to conclusions, or jumping down your partner’s throat, is not going to benefit either person in an argument. Instead, practice patience, and remind yourself to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. A big part of effective communication is really listening to your S.O., and 'not shutting each other down nor shaming each other if someone is sharing something difficult with you,' Le Goy says.

Practice compromising and meeting each other halfway.

Put bluntly, your partner's feelings, beliefs, wants, and needs matter as much as yours—and in a healthy relationship, they should matter to you. While, frankly, no one is capable of meeting another person’s needs 100 percent of the time, you and your partner should both try to prioritise each other's feelings and desires as much as possible, says Cantor. Just remember that prioritising your partner's wants and needs doesn't look like abandoning your own; rather, it means listening, compromising when you can, and being attuned to your S.O.'s feelings, says Fulgieri.

Know when to call it quits.

Not every relationship should be saved—or can be, for that matter. Sometimes, you need to realize the healthy decision is actually to end the relationship altogether. 'If your partner is emotionally or physically abusive, gaslights you or demeans you, these are calendar signs of an unhealthy relationship,' Le Goy adds. There’s not always a way through these toxic situations, but rather, just a way out. Sometimes that’s the healthy choice—and the choice that will ultimately lead you into a genuinely healthy and safe relationship, too.

Meet the experts: Patrice Le Goy , PhD, LMFT, is a relationship therapist based in Los Angeles. Jack Hazan , LMHC, CSAT, is a relationship therapist in New York City. Caitlin Cantor , LCSW, CST, is a couples and sex therapist who sees clients in Philadelphia and New Jersey. Melissa Fulgieri , LCSW, is a therapist and the author of Couples Therapy Activity Book .

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Winner Announcement: TGC’s 2024 Essay Contest for Young Adults

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Gen Z is a generation that faces the temptation to avoid hard things. With phones to hide behind, it’s easier than ever to get lost in a virtual world instead of facing the real world . Scripture tells us we shouldn’t be surprised when we face trials in this life as if something strange were happening to us, and that we can even rejoice in trials (1 Pet. 1:6–7; 4:12–13). Our young writers are learning this countercultural lesson. We have a God who cares more about our Christ-conformity than our comfort, and this is good news.

Over the past few months, we’ve had the privilege of reading the submissions to The Gospel Coalition’s 2024 Essay Contest for Young Adults . Nearly 200 young writers submitted original essays, and the editorial team reviewed them. These writers shared personal testimonies of their wrestling with God as they faced debilitating illness, societal pressure, and unfulfilled desires. We were impressed by their self-reflections on what they were pursuing more than God, whether it was acceptance into university, dream jobs, or the phones in their pockets.

Their writing displayed their desire to treasure Christ above all else.

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The essays TGC received came from 183 young writers:

• They ranged in age from 16 to 22. Many were high school students; others were in college or just beginning their adult lives.
• As with last year’s contest , two-thirds of the writers were female.
• They’re members of local churches—Presbyterians, Baptists, and Anglicans predominated, with many nondenominational churches also represented.
• They submitted their essays from all over the U.S. and 14 other countries including Canada, South Africa, Malaysia, and the United Arab Emirates.

Many of these young writers poured out their hearts as they shared about times when God, in his love, withheld something from them. Others wrote of how they moved from clinging to their phones to clinging to Christ. Some shared how they see the need for men and women like themselves to give their lives to vocational ministry to reach the 3 billion people with no access to the gospel.

Our hearts were warmed as we read stories of Gen Z Christians refusing the lies their culture is feeding them. Instead, they’re inviting us to taste and see with them that the Lord is good (Ps. 34:8).

Personal Reflections

In TGC’s contest guidelines , we provided three prompts that allowed writers to reflect on their own lives as a means of speaking to their generation. Gen Zers are stereotypically called “screenagers” for spending a considerable amount of time on the internet. One prompt asked, “How has the gospel changed your relationship with your phone?” Many who chose this prompt were aware of their temptation to depend on their devices. They want to view their phones as tools, not as extra limbs.

Other writers shared why they’re considering full-time vocational ministry, knowing it’ll come at great cost. They’re willing to lay aside dream jobs with well-paying salaries for the sake of serving the Lord. Having to stand firm in the faith amid a deconstructing culture, they see themselves as equipped to reach their generation.

The most selected prompt was “When did the Lord love you by not giving you what you wanted?” By withholding something these young people wanted (though it was often a good thing), the Lord in his kindness revealed sin in their lives, drawing them closer to himself. What a beautiful picture of what our loving Father does for us, his children (Heb. 12:5–11).

We pray your hearts will be warmed and your souls edified as you read these essays (and TGC will be publishing more of them over the coming months).

Among the essays, three pieces stood out as well-crafted, thoughtful, and engaging. Our editorial team was clear about which winners to select, and we’re delighted to publish them on the site for you to read.

First Place: “ Who Was ‘i’ Without My iPhone? ” by Luke Simon

Luke opens his essay with these words: “Steve Jobs might’ve been a prophet. Or he at least predicted how his device would shape my future. After all, he placed the ‘i’ next to ‘Phone.’” Behind his screen, Luke Simon became luk3simon, forging a new identity and avoiding reality—and ultimately God. Eventually, he realized he needed a digital detox. Luke gives us practical ways to unhitch our identities from our phones, pointing us to the hope found in Jesus alone.

Second Place: “ How God’s ‘No’ to My Dream School Was a ‘Yes’ to the Local Church ” by Logan Watters

In her inspiring essay, Logan tells of how membership in a faithful, gospel-preaching church was a better pursuit than her dream school. And this made no sense to her friends. When we seek the Lord’s will and his plans above our own, the self-seeking world around us is left confused. Logan writes, “After a taste of [God’s] plans compared to mine, I don’t want anything else.”

Third Place: “ The Lord Loved Me by Giving Me a Broken Family ” by Karsten Harrison

In his essay, Karsten sees God’s love through unanswered prayer. Speaking to those who come from broken families, Karsten brings hope by pointing to the Lord’s steadfast love and the rich fellowship found with our church family. He writes, “God doesn’t simply give whatever we ask. Instead, we pray that his will would be accomplished, thus aligning our wills with his.” May we learn with him that God’s “No” always comes from his love for us and invites us to depend on him.

Take time today to read these essays and praise God for his faithfulness in his love toward us:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lam. 3:22–23)

Read more essays from young adults: 2022 and 2023 Contest Winners.

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• Relationships

10 Ways to Keep a Relationship Going Strong

Getting the love you want by practicing mindfulness and respect..

Posted July 30, 2021 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

• Why Relationships Matter
• Take our Relationship Satisfaction Test
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• A healthy relationship requires constant attention.
• Trust, dependability, realistic expectations, a positive outlook, and deep caring create the bedrock of a healthy relationship.
• A healthy relationship requires connection on a physical, emotional, and psychological level, while respecting the needs of each person.

It’s pretty safe to say that the vast majority of us want to have a healthy relationship—one that satisfies both partners equally, one that is built on the principles of trust, dependability, realistic expectations, deep caring, and a positive outlook. But, often, we don’t know how to go about getting the kind of relationship we want.

We learn about relationship from those around us—family and friends. We observe how others interact in intimate relationships. We sometimes get ideas about significant relationships from movies and books. The fact is, though, that there is really no formal way to learn what to do to have a healthy relationship. We’re not taught what to do, how to be. It’s often something we learn by trial and error.

When I talk about relationships I always refer to complexity; how complicated these intimate relationships can be. Each of us is a unique entity with our own depth and complexity. So, imagine how hard it is when two unique, complex individuals get together and try to blend their lives and their psyches. Very difficult. It’s no wonder then that so many relationships don’t work out. But that’s okay. That’s part of the learning curve until you meet the right match. Still, even when people are well-suited to each other and agree on how to live life together, that’s not necessarily enough to sustain a long-term, healthy relationship.

As human nature goes, people settle into life and sometimes forget what it took to be in relationship in the first place. They may fall down on the job of tending to the relationship and to their partner. So, here are 10 ways to help you keep your relationship healthy and fulfilling.

Be fully present.

Life has so many parts to it; so many pieces of the puzzle to fit together. There are so many distractions vying for our attention . Oftentimes, we get so caught up in the nitty-gritty of daily life that we forget to be present, especially to our partner. And sometimes, there are events in our life that need more of our time and effort. But barring any of these events that need special attention, it’s essential to be fully present for our partner and to practice presence on an ongoing basis.

Regularly connect.

First of all, take time every day to talk to each other beyond the routine niceties. Check in with each other during the day—it doesn’t take much time or effort on your part to ask someone how they’re doing, how the day is going. People say they don’t have the time. Make the time.

Openly communicate.

This is very big. When things are going well and we agree, life and love are great. But, there are times when we don’t agree and when certain topics arise where you and your partner are far apart. It’s inevitable this will happen at some point so, it’s important to be prepared for how to deal with it.

Often, we are driven by a reaction to a situation and emotional responses that come up immediately. We get defensive, protective of our own point of view. Things fly out of our mouths, usually what we don’t mean. Knowing each other well means finding a way to talk to each other and address an issue in a respectful and empathic way.

Say what you feel, especially if your emotions are raw, and leave plenty of room to talk your feelings out, without interruption or defensiveness. Over time, you and your partner will develop your own short-hand way to address sensitive issues.

Don’t get lazy.

Over the course of a relationship we get comfortable, maybe too comfortable and complacent. We may stop taking care of ourselves the way we used to. We may stop going the extra mile to please our partner. Sometimes people really get sloppy, unhealthy, and back to bad habits. If this happens, remember back to when you first got together and what you did to make a good impression. Make that good impression again. it will be appreciated.

Keep your relationship fresh.

There may be a lot you and your partner have in common but adding something new to the mix keeps you discovering new things together. Having something new to look forward to helps you enjoy your time together even more. Adding new interests helps to broaden your horizons as a couple and adds new dimension to the relationship.

Connect physically.

This is not just about sex . Obviously, being intimate is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Connecting physically is also about showing affection—embracing, holding hands, touching, kissing, looking into each other’s eyes. Hormones of attachment are released when we connect physically. These help to keep love alive and to keep us bonded to one another.

Appreciate each other’s perspective.

This is another big one. Too often when there are opposing views and differences of opinion, it’s all too easy to want to push your position so that you’re the one who's “right." But, rather than needing to be right and have your partner bow to your point of view, wouldn’t it be better for each of you to have your own position while accepting that your partner thinks a different way? Sometimes, expressing these different perspectives gives you another avenue to explore and understand your partner in an expanded way.

Argue constructively.

This could be a corollary to openly communicate and appreciate each other’s perspective. Know when you’ve reached a civil limit of discussion. For example, say you’ve discussed a hot topic over and over again and each time it escalates to the boiling point. Take a break and cool down before you proceed. Be specific about how you feel. Try not to project your feelings onto your partner. State your position clearly. Stay away from derogatory and insulting statements. No blaming or shaming . Don’t drag the past into the discussion. Be respectful and keep an open mind.

Have realistic expectations.

Always, always recognize what is great about your relationship, what keeps it together, while also recognizing that even the best relationship may not be the “be all and end all." In other words, you may not get some things you want in even the best relationship. Your relationship may have limitations. That’s fine as long as you and your partner are on the same page about the most important aspects of your life together.

Be true to yourself.

Even in the closest relationship, it’s essential to take care of your own needs. Don’t assume that your partner knows what you want and need because they’re supposed to know you so well. Be attentive to who you are as a separate, unique person in the relationship.

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Abigail Brenner, M.D . , is a psychiatrist in private practice. She is the author of Transitions: How Women Embrace Change and Celebrate Life and other books.

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• Essay Editor

Friendship Essay: Useful Tips on How to Write a Successful Text

The essay on friendship is a typical assignment for students during college studies. It implies some reflection on personal attitude towards relationships between mates. This topic is quite close to anybody's heart.

When writing this kind of work, one is certain to analyze 

• association with the surrounding people,
• the ways of communication,
• characters and behavior, etc.

Here we offer helpful tips and recommendations on how to write a friendship essay, including the outline details, structure, ideas, and whatnot. Let's start the exploration!

A Friendship Essay: Its Essence and Purpose

The definition of the issue is on the surface. It is a project concerning friendship between two or more persons. This phenomenon may be described from many sides, activating one's memories and making the writer think about feelings, moral values, deeds and their consequences, and other psychological matters. When creating this type of essay, you may talk about

• your first meeting,
• common interests and hobbies,
• activities you have performed,
• your relations in development (what has changed and why).

As for the purpose of this assignment, it points at the importance of friends and friendship in everyone's life. Being social creatures, people need to communicate with others, and close relations help them to exist and influence their wellness. In a few words, this work appears to be a tool for self-reflection and self-understanding.

When you are preparing even for a short essay on friendship, you are to investigate the essence of the phenomenon – its nature, forms, and manifestation – and its impact on your being. Analyzing the course of the relationship – its pros and cons – you are sure to understand its real significance. Moreover, it helps to realize that a true matter is priceless and ageless.

How to Write an Essay on Friendship?

Exploring the concept of friendship, organize the material according to the traditional system. 

Friendship Essay Structure

There are three important components, providing a successful work.

• Introduction. It is to catch the audience's attention and present background information. There should be a hook, opening data, and a thesis statement.
• Body. It is the main core of the text, consisting of 3 or more paragraphs. Each of them should be devoted to a separate aspect of friendship (for example, significance, components, benefits, or whatnot). Here the author presents topical evidence and thoughts to corroborate the thesis statement. 
• Conclusion. It is a summary of key moments of the essay. It aims to reinforce the main idea and to produce a long-lasting impression on the audience. The significance of the issue and the thesis reformulation should be included, as well. 

Friendship Essay Outline

The most effective way of creating a writing project about friendship is making an outline, where you are to mention all structural components in a more detailed manner. It helps in organizing the data logically and consistently. Besides, it assists in understanding the hierarchy of the arguments and to see the connection between the parts of the work.

When making the outline, take into consideration that every friendship paragraph of the body should touch upon a separate argument. Use here topical sentences, arguments, and illustrating matters to approve them.

Friendship Essay: Ideas to Inspire

Here is a general outline, you may use as a basis for the essay.

TOP Writing Tips for Friendship Essay

Before writing the friendship essay, hold a topical brainstorming session:

• remember good friends,
• refresh the situations, accentuating the status of your relations,
• formulate questions concerning the phenomenon of friendship,
• think over the topical experience you have to cover these questions,
• find out the corresponding background of your mates and surrounding people,
• choose the key matter that is emotionally colored and easy-to-interpret for you.

Now, it's time to start!

• define important keywords and concepts,
• find reputable reference sources (articles, belletristic, and whatnot),
• take notes on the matter.
• Create a detailed outline, broadening every paragraph.
• Write an essay on friendship according to your plan.
• Proofread the text.

So, the concept of friendship is multifaceted, giving the possibility to create both short issues and long analytical papers. The central idea here is to understand the essence of the relationships between people, their various aspects, forms, and manifestations.

If you find any difficulty with the narration, for instance, how to introduce your friend, an example may be provided by Aithor . It is a professional text-generator tool, operating with a wide range of languages and options to present a fine essay on a chosen topic.

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Jay Stansfield’s sensational homecoming doesn't hide another Birmingham City gaffe

Birmingham City defeated Wigan Athletic 2-1 thanks to goals from Alfie May and Scott Wright as Blues continued their bright start to the season

• 08:00, 1 SEP 2024
• Updated 10:39, 1 SEP 2024

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Scott Wright announced himself to his new public by ramming home a debut goal to give Birmingham City their first home win under new manager Chris Davies.

The 27-year-old, a deadline day signing from Rangers, produced an emphatic finish to seal a 2-1 victory that had at times been very much up for debate.

Blues went in front through the clinical Alfie May, were pegged back by Thelo Aasgaard – more of which later – before Wright crashed home the winner.

The result lifts Blues to third in the embryonic table, not that it means much at this stage, other than the fact their results have been where they need to be if Championship status is to be regained at the first time of asking. They have now won three of their first four games and are level with Stockport and Wrexham on ten points.

But at this stage of the season it’s as much about performances as results – and here’s what stood out on an enjoyable afternoon at St Andrew’s.

READ MORE: Chris Davies issues concerning Ethan Laird fitness update as injuries start to bite Birmingham City

READ MORE: Chris Davies drops Jay Stansfield debut hint after deadline day transfer blockbuster

Avoidable mistake

Let’s not lose sight of the main thing, Saturday was another good day for Birmingham City. Tony Mowbray returned to the ground for the first time since being forced to take a leave of absence, nothing is more important than someone’s health.

Blues paraded huge-money signing Jay Stansfield before kick-off and more than 27,000 watched Chris Davies' side secure a win with an injury time goal from a deadline days signing in front of the Tilton. Saturdays don’t get much better than that.

But that’s not to say the afternoon couldn’t have been even better. Blues started fast in the first minute, got sucked into a bit of to and fro, then hit their stride after May gave them the lead.

However, they were flat for 25 minutes of the second half, Shaun Maloney’s half-time decision to change Dion Rankine from the left to the right wing and replace James Carragher with Steven Sessegnon paid real dividends and the visitors created several chances.

They deserved to equalise but perhaps not in the manner they did as Bailey Peacock-Farrell allowed a pretty tame effort from Aasgaard to slither through his grasp. It was the second time in two games the goalkeeper had gifted a goal to the opposition.

Chris Davies excused the first one, away to Leyton Orient when he was caught in possession trying to acquiesce with his manager’s demands and play out from the back. He insisted he’d never criticise a player for trying to do the ‘right thing’.

However, this was just a plain gaffe and – as we’ve said let’s not lose sight of the main thing – which for a goalkeeper is keeping the ball out of the net. Peacock-Farrell can't afford many of these Blues won’t always be able to manufacture a late winner and Davies does have a very, very credible Plan B with Ryan Allsop sitting on the bench.

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Back for good

The feeling going into the game was one of excitement. Blues played their deadline day to perfection, indeed their entire transfer window looks on first impressions to have been very, very successful. Amazing how much more straightforward it is when you’ve got engaged owners willing to spend money.

Never was that more evident than at 11pm on Friday night when the rumours came to fruition and Blues confirmed Jay Stansfield had returned to the club permanently, on a seven-year contact no less. How much did he cost? Honestly I don’t know.

Fulham seemed to have been briefing that they’d got £15million plus £5m in add-ons and a 20 per cent sell-on. Those figures have been denied in conversations at this end – but those conversations never conclude in a different figure, nor indeed any figure at all. Blues stance seems to be: ‘That’s wrong but we’re not telling you what’s right’.

Anyway, the maxim says you should never fall in love with a loan player, unless of course they fall in love with you too and Stansfield seems to have done just that. Davies suggested afterwards he had the pick of the Championship but it was his relationship with the club and their supporters that meant it was effectively a one-horse race.

The 21-year-old was introduced to the crowd to a fanfare of ‘Stanno’ and flame-throwers as St Andrew’s rose in appreciation. Blues have a quartet of strikers that would be the envy of most Championship teams. May is so much more than an arch-poacher, Lyndon Dykes more than a target man, Lukas Jutkiewicz is probably does what it says on the tin but Stansfield offers real tactical flexibility.

It’s easy to see him coming off the left of a 4-2-3-1 or 4-3-3, running behind, going round the back or even being deployed as a No. 10. The options are as mind-boggling as the fee, whatever that was.

Bench bounce

This was the third time in four League One matches that Blues substitutes have provided either a goal or an assist and with each occasion Davies’ assertion that players are either starters or finishers, rather than first XI and subs, looks more than mere sugar-coating.

Indeed the manager reiterated afterwards that Blues are designed to be strong late in games, the starters tenderising the opposition by making them cover huge distances before fatigue sets in and fresh replacements come on to exploit the space that has emerged.

Davies effectively doubled down on that claiming that Wigan were not unlucky to be reduced to ten men when they ran out of substitutes and couldn’t replace the injured Steven Sessegnon, but that they had been played into that position by Blues.

Sometimes though it’s just a good old tactical switch that pays dividends and that was certainly how it felt here. May wasn’t having too much joy dropping off to link play that would eventually find him in the box. By contrast Dykes gave the team a focal point, someone to tie up the Wigan centre backs and stop them shadowing May wherever he went. Dykes was only on the pitch for 17 minutes plus added time and he still won more headers than everyone bar Krystian Bielik. It was his presence that created confusion and the string of corners with which Blues eventually won the game.

Similarly Marc Leonard, who was superb in midweek against Fulham, came on after an hour and started to dictate proceedings. Remarkably he made 38 passes and completed every single one of them. Taylor Gardner-Hickman made 39 in twice as long with a completion ratio of 80 per cent.

That’s not to say Leonard should start ahead of TGH in every game, more than the more physically powerful TGH is better suited to certain situations and the neat orchestrator Leonard others.

Oh, then there’s Japan international Tomoki Iwata to throw into the equation.

What is Blues' best XI? Have your say here

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7 Questions to Ask When Weighing a Job Offer

• Rebecca Knight

How to decide whether this job is actually the right fit — and make the most of this rare moment of leverage.

You got the job offer! Now you have to decide whether or not to take it. It’s impossible to predict exactly how a job will turn out, but asking the right questions of yourself and others can give you a clearer picture of what to expect. In this article, the author shares advice from two experts and offers seven questions to ask to help you make an informed decision and to help prevent future regrets: 1) What am I overlooking? 2) What’s the company culture really like? 3) What’s my prospective boss really like — and will we click both personally and professionally? 4) What’s my potential for growth at the organization? 5) What relationships am I going to build? 6) Beyond salary, what else can I negotiate that would benefit me in this role? 7) What’s my exit strategy?

You’ve been waiting for it, hoping for it, dreaming about it, and at last, it’s here: the job is yours. Congrats!

• RK Rebecca Knight is a journalist who writes about all things related to the changing nature of careers and the workplace. Her essays and reported stories have been featured in The Boston Globe, Business Insider, The New York Times, BBC, and The Christian Science Monitor. She was shortlisted as a Reuters Institute Fellow at Oxford University in 2023. Earlier in her career, she spent a decade as an editor and reporter at the Financial Times in New York, London, and Boston.

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